11/24/15 11:37am
MegabusHell-640x380

Welcome to your doom. Photoshop by Madelyn Owens

Thanksgiving is the most American of holidays. It’s a day of overindulgence, football, casually racist uncles, loose fitting pants…and hours spent in gridlock traffic on our crumbling highway system. Maybe you have the income to book a flight or a train on the Biggest Most Expensive Travel Days of the year, but most likely you will be braving a budget bus trip back to your homeland.

The low price tag comes with hidden costs: there’s the chronic back pain from the cramped seats, or a seat mate who packed their own tuna salad, of course. Sometimes though, things are much worse. A fellow passenger who won’t stop singing, a chugging contest in the back of the bus and threats of violence. Even worse, sometime YOU’RE the problem. To help you through the long journey ahead, our Brokesters share their most harrowing tales of bus life struggles. (more…)

Welcome home, lady!

Welcome home, lady!

Searching through Craigslist for a room in New York is one of the more depressing endeavors you can put yourself through. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, the terrible listings you come across are a joke. On the other hand, sometimes, like in the case of this $450/month windowless walk-in closet that three guys are advertising as ideal for a woman, they’re entirely too real and you’re face-to-face with the pitiless screaming ghoul that is New York City real estate. Close your eyes and don’t look at it, lest it melt your face off! (more…)

08/17/15 4:01pm
grand prospect hall

Makes sense to have a midget talking backwards in there. Photo by Madelyn Owens

South Slope residents, if you see a guy with a shock of white hair skulking around your neighborhood trying not to be noticed, for once it’s not David Byrne. Well, it might be, check if he’s wearing an all white suit. If not, you just might be seeing David Lynch, who looked at the Grand Prospect Hall, thought “Here is the place of nightmares I’ve always wanted,” and picked it as a filming location for the Twin Peaks sequel that everyone is praying won’t be disappointing. (more…)

10/08/14 12:44pm

We’ve all seen New York City’s ubiquitous “Dan Smith Will Teach You Guitar” flyers hanging up in subway stations and on phone booths, but does anyone know someone who’s actually taken a lesson with the man? Comedian Rekha Shankar emailed us the above video, telling us that she hasn’t met a single person who’s taken him up on his offer, so she imagined Smith as a virtuoso recluse who maybe doesn’t have the best grasp on how to promote himself or what year it is. It’s creepy enough for Halloween, but we won’t spoil the twist ending except to say it was Shyamalan-esque. Good Shyamalan, not The Village Shyamalan. (more…)

08/13/14 10:23am

Hey you guys like rats? Us, we don’t actually mind them so much, but then again, we’ve yet to come across one rifling through our garbage. If you don’t like rats though, don’t watch the above video put together by some fancy MIT scientists, because each of those moving green dots represents a rat complaint between 2012 and 2013. Which means each of them represents at least one rat. At least one, possibly more, possibly even a rat king. We’d say sleep tight knowing that, but Brooklyn led the city in rat complaints, with 31 percent of the video’s complaints. So if you live here and you’re afraid of rats, maybe learn to psychically hover over the ground instead of walking. (more…)

08/01/14 11:48am
artspace ps109

It’s like living in an art castle but you’ll never actually live there!

Hey, remember that AWESOME affordable artist housing in Harlem that we told you about a little while back, PS 109 Artspace? Yeah, of course you do, because you thought about how fun it would be to live in a cheap apartment with a bunch of artists, but not have it be the McKibbin Lofts. Well guess what bucko? DNA Info reports that 52,999 other people had the same exact thought that you did, so your chances of getting one of those 89 units is MIGHTY slim. (more…)

free dentist chair

“Yeah, just sit here on this nightmare chair and think about how much fun being at the dentist is.”

No one likes going to the dentist’s office, because even if your dentist is a perfectly nice man or woman, all the sharp tools and the obsession with perfection just makes people think dentists are a hair away from this at best and this at worst. Still, everyone obsessed with vintage stuff, so if you want yet another vintage thing, someone in Bay Ridge is giving away this vintage dentist chair. Just have the guest you like the least sit in it, and while the rest of your friends are having fun being at your apartment, that person will be trying to get comfortable while reliving nightmares of dentist trips past.

06/09/14 4:14pm
Brooklyn DNC

This is our future. Unless we fight. Terrifying Jonah photoshop by Chris Giganti

Despite our howling protests asking him not to, lousy old Mayor de Blasio has decided to put in a bid for Brooklyn to host the DNC. Like we said when we first asked Mayor Tall not to subject us to this, we’re looking at 35,000 clones of Jonah, Veep‘s self-obsessed, buffoonish presidential aide turned candidate hanger-on who’s an all too real caricature of DC, descending on Brooklyn.

That’s 35,000 Jonahs who don’t know how to use MetroCard machines, who step in front of you to steal your cab, who hit on your girlfriend and reek of the desperation that only the young, ambitious and ideologically bereft can reek of. Take heart though: we’ve got a battle plan to keep the DNC from picking Brooklyn, we just need your help to implement it. (more…)

04/09/14 9:45am
yellow sac spider

New feature of the Mazda6. Whether you like it or not. via Wikipedia

People are always worried about how Millennials aren’t interested in buying cars. It could be because they don’t have any money, and cars cost money. It could because they prefer cities, which aren’t the world’s most car-friendly environments. Or the fact that they trend more liberal and cars run on planet-wrecking fossil fuels.

But we have a different theory: Millennials aren’t buying cars because cars are full of spiders. We know it sounds crazy, but this is a generation making a sharp break from their parents, and one of those breaks includes not tolerating the idea that while driving in you cul de sac, hundreds of yellow sac spiders will come streaming out of your gas tank and end your life. (more…)

12/31/13 2:51pm
Ummm....

Ummm….

Next time you catch a roach scuttling around your apartment, maybe instead of killing it you want to put it in an aquarium and raise it like your kin. No? That might come as a surprise to this person on Craigslist giving away a tank full of Madagascar hissing roaches. As if it wasn’t enough to know exactly where New York City’s most hated pests are hiding, somebody thinks you want to enjoy them out in the open. But since there’s no such thing as a free lunch, you already knew the deal came with a catch, right? A catch besides the fact that you’re inheriting a see-through box full of cockroaches, of course.

(more…)