12/31/15 11:59am
Once the ball drops, they better not drop the ball. via flickr user gigi_nyc

Once the ball drops, they better not drop the ball. via flickr user gigi_nyc

While 2016 may be a mere one-digit adjustment on your document signatures, the meaning of the New Year runs deeper. It brings with it a longstanding tradition of “out with the old” as we say goodbye to old flames, bad habits and dated perspectives, introducing creative pursuits, gym memberships and professional goals in their places. We promise to be better, do better. And just to make things official, we call these promises resolutions.

Now, let’s be honest here: New Year’s resolutions are bad lies. You make them and break them within a few weeks. There isn’t much use for them — unless, of course, you’re telling other people how they can change their lives. Seeing as how it would be a public service for us to do so, here are some suggested New Years’ resolutions for the visible people, places and objects in New York that continually dissatisfy us.  (more…)

12/21/15 3:32pm
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Which chocolate passed the discerning taste test of our chocolate expert?

In case you hadn’t heard, the Mast Brothers were recently served with some pretty damning accusations of melting industrial-grade chocolate together to make their $10 bars of what has also recently been deemed “crappy hipster chocolate.” So-called chocolate experts and candy snobs have been conducting meticulous taste tests of the Mast Brothers’ bars and deeming them unfit to sell for a two-digit price tag.

In order to settle the chocolate debate once and for all, we conducted an exhaustive taste test of some other options you can go with now that paying $10 for a chocolate bar seems like even a more of an unhinged idea than before. And while they may not all lay claim to being bean-to-bar, their flavors are just as complex and worthy of review. Read on, as Brokelyn’s in-house chocolate expert weighs in on the flavor, texture and overall quality of each one.  (more…)

12/21/15 11:00am
Good god... via Dallas Food

Good god… via Dallas Food

Brooklyn is a place for many things, but most of all it’s been seen as a borough of authenticity and honesty being found in the hearts of its residents. Marty Markowitz might have made “Oh how sweet it is!” Brooklyn’s unofficial motto when he was borough president, but he could have also slapped “Brooklyn: To thine own self be true” on the welcome signs at the borough’s entrance. So it’s with great sadness we have to report that two famous Brooklyn residents appear to have been caught in a dreadful lie that strikes at the heart of who they told us they were. According to a bombshell new report circulating on the internet, the Mast Brothers didn’t always have hilariously huge beards. What’s next, ExxonMobil really did own Mellow Pages the entire time? (more…)

04/08/15 3:20pm
Because chocolate factories are notoriously terrible places to work. Via Flickr

Because chocolate factories are notoriously terrible places to work. Via Flickr

The end is nigh! Wait, why are you throwing that trashcan through a window? Oh, I should have specified: The end of your less-than-ideal career is nigh! If you consider yourself to be a generally talented person with little-to-no body odor and killer workplace banter about the latest Game of Thrones episode, then there is no reason why you shouldn’t be out there working at the position of your dreams, or at least, not sitting at home all day. Seriously, you’re talking to the cat too much. Way too much. To that end, we here at Brokelyn have yet again corralled some of the best career opportunities in New York just for you, because we care about your wellbeing. And the wellbeing of Mr. Whiskers.

08/27/13 1:16pm
Emily Elsen, of Four & Twenty Blackbirds, will talk about pie, and you can eat pie. Win/win. via Facebook

Emily Elsen, of Four & Twenty Blackbirds, will talk about pie, and you can eat pie. Win/win. via Facebook

As Mr. Show, the cronut and the ramen burger have taught us, there’s nothing people who like food like more than combining foods. The people who run Greenlight Books are no fools, so they’re combining food with books this fall in an orgy of delicious reading that fortunately doesn’t actually involve eating paper from books. But they are hosting a slew of food-based events by partnering up with chefs at Smorgasburg, starting a cookbook club with discounted cookbooks and a series of readings at the store from chefs discussing their cookbooks and handing out samples of food. Looks like you’ll be paying a lot less to eat this fall. (more…)

Bike and bite, y'all. (via flickr user marsavic)

Bike and bite, y’all. (via flickr user marsavic)

Few things represent our modern city culture like brunch, bicycles, Brooklyn and the ability to siphon money from tourists who want to experience “Real New York,” so it makes sense that this sort of thing exists:  a Brooklyn-based bike tour company is now offering a “Brunch in Brooklyn” tour, so you can experience all the wonders of midday breakfast dining for just $65 a person. What a deal! (more…)