01/29/16 11:37am
Don't let this pip-squeak take the job you deserve. Image via here and now

Don’t let this pip-squeak take the job you deserve. Image via here and now

Were you one of the grown adults who walked out of The LEGO Movie and imagined yourself becoming a master builder? Did you buy LEGOs, saying it was for your non-existent kids, but actually spent countless hours building spaceships, entire cities, or a LEGO recreation of being stuck in the L train during rush hour? Well, you no longer need to worry about juggling between your love of LEGOs and your need to be a productive member of society. LEGOLAND is hiring 20 “Master Model Builders” at its brand new  model-making facility, known as appropriately awesomely titled “Merlin’s Magic Making Hub,” at their headquarters near LEGOLAND in Lake Wales, Florida. (more…)

01/25/16 12:55pm
This person's saving up for their spring wardrobe. Image via Brooklyn Baby Social.

This person’s saving up for their spring wardrobe. Image via Brooklyn Baby Social.

If you survived the first blizzard of 2016, by not dying of alcohol poisoning or murdering the person you lived with because they just wanted to watch Narcos all weekend, congratulations! The work however, is not done. The city is still covered with snow that has filled up many stairways and street corners. And you can make some extra money helping them out.

The Sanitation Department needs people to help shovel the streets of the city we all pay too much to live in. Of course, no one wants to spend their entire day shoveling snow, seeing as it’s what a lot of us left the suburbs to avoid. Unlike your childhood home however, the city will pay you for the work, with actual cash, not “moral responsibility” or whatever shill your parents try to pull to avoid opening their wallets. Details below: (more…)

01/06/16 3:49pm
citi bike

These bikes have a lot of data to share. Are you the one to read it all? Photo by Mary Dorn

It’s 2016 and you still have some job that you hate more than anything in the world. What are you doing just sticking with it like it’s a dead marriage you’re keeping together just for the kids? There’s a whole other world of jobs out there waiting to make an honest employed person out of you, jobs that will treat you with respect and love or at the very least not be full of screaming idiots you hate working with. Here’s a few we found for you, so go out and get one before someone else does. (more…)

12/23/15 2:20pm
Sadly they're not hiring ballerinas, but you can still help out in some way. via Facebook

Sadly they’re not hiring ballerinas, but you can still help out in some way. via Facebook

It’s almost a New Year, so it’s almost time for a New You! That’s how things work, right? You 1.0 never leaped at an opportunity, never went to the gym and always stayed stuck in your shitty, limiting job. You 2.0 though, you’re gonna be a whole patched and upgraded You. You’re gonna hit the gym and you’re gonna leap at so many damn opportunities it’ll be like opportunity parkour. First up: this huge bundle of jobs that are waiting for you, one of which might be better than the job now. If you think it is, don’t hesitate, just apply. (more…)

12/11/15 2:03pm
If you can take a picture this pretty, why not get paid big time bucks to do it? via Flickr user faungg

If you can take a picture this pretty, why not get paid big time bucks to do it? via Flickr user faungg

So you’re out there making early New Year’s resolutions, and one of them is that you want to be outdoors more. Yes, it’s gonna be the year of camping for you out in the great wide world. You know what’s really cool is that if you’re a good photographer, you can make a crapload of money taking pictures of cool outdoor locations as a photographer for the National Park Service. How big of crapload are we talking? Try between $60,000 and $100,000 per year. (more…)

12/09/15 4:05pm
Here'a scoop: These folks are hiring

Here’a scoop: These folks are hiring

What do Santa and Hanukkah Harry have in their mysterious, jolly sacks for all the unemployed or frustrated with their employment situation boys and girls? Jobs! Fantastic new jobs! What do they have in their sacks for the bad boys and girls out there? Continuing soul crushing employment of the kind that makes you dread waking up every day! So, only read today’s job roundup if you’ve been good this year. (more…)

11/18/15 3:43pm
Be the one who makes this delicious food at Bar Chuko. via Facebook

Be the one who makes this delicious food at Bar Chuko. via Facebook

It’s almost time for you to sit down at the Thanksgiving table, and your family might want you to bring more than a delicious non-pie dessert from one of Brooklyn’s finest institutions. They’re also going to want to know if you’ve got a good job yet. Fortinately, we’ve got plenty of great jobs for you today, though if we’re being totally honest, the places we’ve got listed probably won’t be doing their hiring by Thanksgiving. Whatever, tell them you’re in the running, fudge the truth a little. (more…)

11/04/15 2:38pm
Do you know why this is? It's okay if you don't. via Facebook

Do you know why this is? It’s okay if you don’t. via Facebook

Beyond being a place for questionable selfies, questionable gift shop items and a place to get a really expensive hot dog, the September 11 Memorial and Museum is the place where we mark a dark day in American history and teach what happened to people who weren’t around when it happened. You’d think that knowing about 9/11 would be a key job requirement at a teaching position at the memorial, but according to a job listing we came across today, you’re not required to have a basic understanding of the day in question if you want to lead field trips at the museum. (more…)

11/04/15 12:07pm
Can you make this go viral? You're hired! via Facebook

Can you make this go viral? You’re hired! via Facebook

Despite the fact that fall has allegedly started and the leaves are dying on the trees, you don’t have to look on your employment prospects with a similar kind of despair. Take heart, there’s all kinds of hiring going on in this crazy city, so please don’t sell your blood for exploitative debit cards or take any other rash actions. Just apply for one of the jobs we found you instead. (more…)

10/21/15 12:20pm
So many cake pops, so little time.

So many cake pops, so little time.

Welcome back to another episode of “Let’s Get You a New Job!” After scouring the internet, breaking the fourth wall, calling a few places and doing the classic “ask around” we’ve compiled a list of jobs we think could be suitable for you. Have at it, people, and happy freaking humpday. (more…)