01/28/15 11:29am
Put Richard Sherman in the Super Bowl every year

Put Richard Sherman in the Super Bowl every year

For a season that’s been a rolling morality/P.R. disaster for the N.F.L., this year’s Super Bowl is about as compelling a matchup the league could possibly have had. It’s almost like they fixed it. On the one side, you have the defending champion Seahawks and their 9/11 truther coach, trash-talking All-World cornerback and no-talking All-World running back looking to repeat as Super Bowl champs. On the other side looking to stop them you have the Patriots, the last team to snag back-to-back Super Bowl wins in 2003 and 2004, helmed as always by maddening pretty boy quarterback Tom Brady and their coach Bill “Not a scientist” Belichick who maybe did or did not engineer the weirdest attempt at cheating in sports in the last 20 years.

Who’ll come out on top? Ah who cares. Ultimately most of you probably aren’t Seahawks or Patriots fans, so all you want to do is yell at a TV and eat wings and other unhealthy crap. Fortunately there are plenty of Brooklyn bars that will allow you to do just that. (more…)

01/26/15 9:37am
You've got feels, so take 'em out dancing

You’ve got feels, so take ‘em out dancing

1. Learn how best to slay your enemies as Brooklyn Public Philosophers discuss why metaphors make good insults. (Monday)

2. See films about protecting elephants, the Galapagos, and pronghorn migration at Videology’s Wildlife Conservation Film Night. (Monday)

3. Get a Fresh Perspective on comedy with the likes of Anna Drezen, Aparna Nancherla and Tim Racine at Muchmore’s. (Monday) (more…)

01/21/15 1:04pm

timthumb-1

ICYMI on Brokelyn yesterday, renting an apartment ain’t always peaches & cream. That’s why you should at least be able to count on cheaper rent that’ll pad your bank account against the dollars you’re bound to lose on slummy landlords, not to mention late-night snacks. This week’s listings treat the borough top to bottom, with listings from Greenpoint to Bay Ridge. Incidentally, I also got a kick out of hiding names of Drake songs in here; see if you can differentiate his timeless titles from my own signature self-righteousness! (more…)

01/19/15 11:00am
Study up

Study up

1. Celebrate MLK Day by being a decent human being and volunteering. (Monday)

2. Sneakily learn about human evolution with the help of some cocktails and paleontologists with the Secret Science Club at The Bell House. (Tuesday)

3. Win some uh, helpful equipment, at Sex Toy Bingo at Trash Bar. (Tuesday) (more…)

01/15/15 10:07am
greenpoint hipster robbery

Have you seen this mustache?

If you’re going to commit the perfect crime, it’s very important you blend in with your surroundings, so that no one can identify you if you get pinched. A thief working Greenpoint definitely took a page out of that playbook, as the person who stole a $1,000 worth of stuff and a wallet from a restaurant looks like everyone else you might run into at Matchless or Warsaw. Well played, sir. Now shave your mustache, for fashion and practical (not getting caught) purposes. (more…)

Catch it before it completely ascends to Beer Heaven

Catch it before it completely ascends to Beer Heaven

For those of us who knew Monster the Cat, the Brooklyn Brewery’s official mascot cat (mascat?) and tasting room host, the passing of the fine feline in 2012 was a sad day indeed. It was day  brightened only by the knowledge of his liquid legacy left behind: the Monster Ale, a barleywine created to age gracefully for many years, much like Monster himself. Sadly, Monster Ale is a non-renewable resource since Brooklyn Brewery ceased production of it a couple of years ago. So when it’s gone, it’s gone. The good news is that Brooklyn Brewery is inviting us all to drink what they have left of it this week at Matchless, which is what we imagine a Viking funeral is for beer. (more…)

01/08/15 9:47am
You never know if you'll run into Hilary Swank in a dark alley

You never know when you’ll run into Hilary Swank in a dark alley

1. Help singer-songwriter Alex Calder release his new record by partying at Cameo Gallery. (Friday)

2. Hopefully this exhibition featuring works exploring the nature of transformation don’t trigger an existential crisis for you. (Friday)

3. Honor democracy by voting on the movie selection at this free indie film screening at Georges-André Vintage Cafe. (Friday) (more…)

01/05/15 9:26am
Salvation-Army-boutique

Compared to the Greenpoint Salvation Army, it’s like the other stores are in the Salvation Militia

As we all know, large chains have been using their Williamsburg stores to hide their true affiliations with their parent companies, possibly in an Illumanti-related plot to secretly study the habits of the urban shopper. Not that anyone seems to mind. That trend probably won’t be receding any time soon, especially since as Crain’s reports, even the damn Salvation Army is getting in on the game, turning their Greenpoint location into a more upscale boutique version of itself. (more…)

12/29/14 1:01pm
zack morris phone

Just a matter of time before this kind of phone is in style again anyway.

1. Hear some Czech folk jazz with Martina Fiserova at The Way Station. (Monday)

2. Make your Monday soulful with Reverend Vince Anderson and the Love Choir. You can tell yourself this makes up for all those bottomless brunches you’ve had on The Lord’s Day. (Monday)

3. It’s almost 2015 and it’s time to think differently, so get a head start on that with comedy show Fresh Perspectives at Muchmores, with the likes of Michael Wolf and Eliza Hurwitz (Monday) (more…)

12/29/14 8:45am
perfect pussy

Make it a perfect New Year’s with Perfect Pussy. Or do 39 other things, it’s up to you! via Facebook

It’s almost New Year’s Eve and you still don’t have plans! Your friends aren’t throwing their killer party this year, no one really feels like making an effort, and you want to avoid Manhattan on New Year’s at all costs because, well, you’re not a masochist. That’s a very smart choice, because right here in Brooklyn, there are so many New Year’s parties to choose from, there’s no excuse to miss out. From affordable prix fixe meals to dance parties galore, karaoke to uh, meditation, there’s a Brooklyn New Year’s Eve party for everyone. Plus don’t forget this is the first year we steal Manhattan’s ball drop thunder with our own Coney Island version. Take that, Seacrest! (more…)