Two’s company, but three’s a crowd, unless it’s three people going together to Poughkeepsie, in which case you might need that third person to keep your ex-husband from shimmying down the chimney to get his Oxycontin.
Finally, someone is portraying the real millennial Brooklyn. The one that confronts their Oxycontin ex-husband in Poughkeepsie.
Allow me to explain. Marnie and Desi are still being so gross, and they decide to take a road trip to romantic Poughkeepsie for reasons that remain unclear. To help mask the charade, Hannah tags along. While squirreled away in their cabin, Marnie finds Desi’s mason jar full of Oxycontin, because — twist! — he’s been addicted to Oxy this whole time. Marnie, of course, does the entirely wrong thing, smashing his mason jar and stomping on his stash, turning Desi into a full-blown Marky Mark Fear monster, smashing windows and terrorizing Hannah and Marnie for a weird horror movie segment. The whole situation allows Hannah to drop some knowledge on Marnie: Maybe she didn’t realize her husband was pounding Oxy like they’re fucking Mentos because she’s too busy always thinking of her self. Mind blown. (more…)
You can keep Montauk, just leave us the Rockaways.
Beyoncé once said, “The best revenge is your paper,” which is true, unless you’re Hannah Horvath, and the best revenge is writing about how your best friend stole your boyfriend and you didn’t bother warning her about his oral herpes in the paper of record. The final season of Lena Dunham’s iconic, infuriating, painful and sometimes painfully accurate portrayal of millennial aging and angst kicked off last night by setting its protagonist on a path of something that almost looks like success.
Hannah’s “triumphant” performance on the Moth has led to a Modern Love column in The New York Times which has in turn led to some freelance work for something called SlagMag. The editor (played with perfect emotional disregard by the hilarious Chelsea Peretti) sends Hannah up to Montauk to infiltrate (and inevitably fail at) a bougie surf class for bored ladies. She, of course, fakes an injury to her “front arm” and ditches almost immediately, opting instead to down electric blue cocktails and sun her open vagina. It’s not a total loss, though. She ends up on a whirlwind romantic adventure with the hot (but dim) surf instructor Paul-Louis (The Night Of’s Riz Ahmed) that includes sloppy fucking on a beach, Cheetos, Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper and vomiting off the side of a bunkbed. Oh, and an acoustic jam of soft alt-rock, mid-tempo classic “She’s So High.” (more…)
Finally, a wedding episode of a show where everything goes wrong.
The boys are back in town. But not boys, Girls. And not really in town, more like at a rich country house. Like all the best Girls episodes, last night’s season five opener whisked Hannah and friends away from the city. Oh, you don’t care? You stopped watching Girls around the time Marnie started doing Kanye West covers? We get it. Girls stopped being an exploration of 20somethings scraping by in Brooklyn long ago, opting instead to see just how insufferable its characters could become.
Judging by last night’s episode? Pretty insufferable! Worse yet, it’s a wedding episode, when everyone’s at their worst. But this is the penultimate season before these Girls (presumably) become WOMEN, so we’re sticking it out to the end, albeit sometimes begrudgingly. Even if it seems like they’re running out of friends to hook up with. (more…)
Maybe Hannah will write one of those “Leaving New York” personal essays
The seasons are changing, and with them brings the cool chill of millennial Brooklynites fucking up, fucking each other, and…moving to Iowa? That’s right, Girls may not be back until January, but the season four trailer dropped over the weekend.
Hannah looks happy writing about herself and frolicking in cow country, Adam seems apathetic and tortured about it (per usual), Marnie’s getting laid by her taken bandmate (which totally won’t backfire), Shosh is about to get bitch slapped real hard by “The Real World,” and by the end of the season Jessa will be dead with four midgets in an opium den in Saigon. I jest – but who knows? I wouldn’t put it past Lena. If anything, this season looks like it will be a nice departure from the very dark, grim, and ultimately depressing tone of the last. Hopefully things are on the upswing for these twentysomething tropes, because Girls is basically a Farmer’s Almanac for how well us millennials will weather the ensuing year.
A Times editor ponders the best cultural reference to insert into a story about Brooklyn
In 1883, the Brooklyn Bridge opened, in 1898 Brooklyn was incorporated into New York City, in 2012 the Nets came to Brooklyn and in April of that year borough’s first artisanal mayonnaise store finally opened. But none of those matter because the real marker of a new era of Brooklyn came two years ago when HBO dropped Girls into the world. At least that’s according to the New York Times, who have found the need to use the show as the defining cultural benchmark of modern Brooklyn, in stories about abusive landlords, political intrigue, bar reviews and last week’s story on middle class newcomers being priced out of Brooklyn. Despite the fact that Girls has only existed for 29 months, the show has popped up in 15 articles the Times has written about Brooklyn, proving that you can’t spell Brooklyn without G-I-R-L-S. (more…)
The face you make when you have to settle for your second choice
Last week, we were joking about the idea of HBO using Ditmas Park as a stand-in for Iowa in the new season of Girls, the way cheap producers use Toronto and Vancouver for New York. We discounted it though, because we wanted to believe that Marnie’s character arc requires her to use kung fu. But, sadly, another dispatch from Ditmas Park Corner puts that hope to sleep, as they report being told that Ditmas Park is being used to rep Iowa. Looks like the “first TV comedy to recognize South Brooklyn’s existence” race is wide open again. (more…)
Girls may have ended their third season looking like Hannah would choose the “MFA” side of the MFA vs. NYC argument and and head off to the Iowa Writers’ Workshop, but we all knew the show wouldn’t just be packing up and moving there. Especially with the University of Iowa saying “No fucking way,” to the show’s request to film on campus. And lo and behold, they’re coming crawling back already, but far away from the show’s usual stomping grounds, with Ditmas Park Corner noticing that the show will be filming in the neighborhood on Thursday and Friday this week. Bring your autograph books/noisemakers, depending on where you fall on the pro vs. anti Girls spectrum. (more…)
SNL‘s Sasheer Zamata has joked about giving her own Girls tours and so have other people. But now, we’ve got an update one year after On Location threatened us with a Girls bus tour, and it looks like we’re one step closer to people who getting a tour guide to take them to places like Prospect Heights and Greenpoint and the uh…Gawker offices. We’ve officially gone from the “idea” stage to the “unnamed sources at HBO confirm” stage. Next up: Some doofus with a camera wanting to snap your picture while you stumble home on your walk of shame! (more…)
Silly Matthew McConaughey, that’s not a TV! via Facebook
If you want to keep up with what everyone is talking about nowadays, you have to talk to them about Important TV, especially if it’s on HBO. Sure you could try to talk to people about Brooklyn Nine-Nine or Archer, but all people want to talk about is True Detective or Girls. And since you don’t have HBO or someone’s HBOGo password, Williamsburg (and Beer Book) bar The Graham (151 Meserole Street) is rescuing you by screening the shows for free every Sunday. (more…)
If you’re like me, you’ve taken a hard pass on these Olympics, what with them being handed over to an autocratic meme with a hard-on for jailing gays. But, the Oympics are happening, so at least someone out there is having fun with them, by re-imagining the top-notch athletes at Sochi being played by Girls‘ Shoshannah Shapiro, with a Tumblr called Shoshi Games 2014. It’s been a big year for Shosh, what with dumping Ray to get busy sowing her wild oats, only to see him wind up with Marnie. And apparently, she’s also been bobsledding. We’ve got a couple of our favorites below, but do be sure to check out the whole blog for the rest. (more…)