11/09/16 4:32pm
If you're looking for something to believe in today, believe in New York City

Sport your New York values proudly. Photo by Tim Donnelly/Brokelyn.

New York City awoke in a sob of rain this morning. People shuffled listlessly to work in a somnambulant daze, filing into subway cars that were eerily quiet, a stunned pall some said they hadn’t seen since the terror attack 15 years ago. It’s hard to find any bright spots in the results of last night’s election, the one that so dramatically and violently flipped over the expectations of the kind of country so many of us thought we lived in to reveal the writhing, wormy, potato-bug infested underbelly that was much larger than anyone thought.

It’s hard to find something to believe in, knowing that an openly racist, misogynistic, sexual criminal who’s bankrupted more businesses than pairs of jeans I’ve ever owned and spent the past 18 months proving how ill-prepared he was for the job somehow actually got away with it, and resoundingly enough that there is no hope any humility would dull his edge.

So, I present this to you: Believe in New York City. It’s a bubble, but we live in this bubble for a reason. Among the stunned faces of your neighbors, coworkers and strangers on the street, you will find solace and the kind of tolerant society you had hoped we lived in until last night. Go outside the bubble more often, but don’t fear it. (more…)

11/08/16 3:05pm
Who knew your vote could pay you back?

Who knew your vote could pay you back? Photo by Sam Corbin/Brokelyn.

Voting day already has the city abuzz with election tweets and themed pizza slices, but tweeting isn’t the only thing New Yorkers are doing once they’ve voted. Apparently, they’re also auctioning off their “I Voted” stickers on eBay.

We spotted a handful of listings posted to the marketplace as early as 5:45am this morning (which would suggest the stickers were left over from a primary election, since the polls didn’t open this morning until 6am… unless VOTER FRAUD IS REAL AFTER ALL) by New York voters looking to make a little extra scratch off the election cycle. The stickers are going for anywhere from 99 cents to a whopping $10 (for a pair). The auction listings are hot, too: they’re drawing at least three to four views per hour.

Who could possibly want these stickers, which could no doubt be easily counterfeited, for their weird election collection? We’re not sure, but this news certainly smacks of opportunity. If you haven’t peeled that I Voted sticker off its backing and slapped it on your chest yet, you might just want to save it for the highest bidder.  (more…)

11/08/16 1:56pm
Screen Shot 2016-11-08 at 1.39.12 PM

Pie voted! It’s a slice of politics at Vinnie’s, which created edible versions of the candidates today. Via @vinniesbrooklyn on Twitter.

Election Day in non-swing state America is like Christmas day when you’re Jewish: Sure, you can still appreciate the pageantry and traditions, but you know none of the advertising is really targeted at you. But of course New Yorkers are the best, so we all dutifully showed up for the polls in the morning, battling long lines and confusing polling places to get our voices heard. That’s ok, we’ve only had 240-ish years to figure out how to correctly hold an election in this country, that’s barely any time.

But before you sit around tonight waiting for the results to come while trying not to drink yourself to death, let’s take a break and look at some of the funnier things happening during voting in NYC so far today. We won’t know the results of the race for hours, but already Trump got humiliated on his home turf. (more…)

11/07/16 4:25pm

Brokelyn glasses sunglasses biden raybans

Every single thing you need to know about how/where/when to vote [Google]

The NYT dropped its paywall now through Thursday. Read and share real news! [NYT]
How to write in Bernie Sanders on your ballot
Why Donald Trump is going to get his ass kicked [The Concourse]
One of Trump’s top campaign staffers pants literally caught on fire [NYT]
Pantsuit Nation is an overdue jolt of optimism about this election [Mashable]
At least Hillary will destroy the ceiling of Javits Center tomorrow [NYDN]

11/07/16 11:16am

As the 2016 presidential election draws to a close, your once-serious considerations about moving to Canada are looking less and less necessary every day. Not to jinx anything, but come Wednesday, even I, chief Canuck correspondent of Brokelyn, hope that Canada can once again be relegated to its neutered role as “America’s Hat.”

But just in case you’re still having inklings about a future exodus, here’s a music video making one last bid for you to move to Canada. Written by a Brooklyn-based duo of actors, Noel Carey and Julia Mattison (of Brooklyn Sound) and produced by Dan Crowley (of LIC-based rock band The Hog), the music video parodies the Beach Boys’ “Kokomo” by setting the chorus instead “Canada.”

Soothing late 80s-style crooners in hunting hats and flannel promise “vacation days and health care nights” in a catchy, calming rhythm you’ll recognize right away from your prom days. And as stereotype-heavy as this video is — maple syrup trees, polar bears on cross-country skis — it’s not entirely wrong about the merits of moving to Canada.

“I hear poutine is ootta sight,” for example, is a fair statement to make. As is this other lyric: “Quebec, Regina, don’t grab my vagina.” (more…)

11/04/16 2:28pm
New York's a bummer, but we have solutions. via @huenemejen on IG

New York’s a bummer, but we have solutions. via @huenemejen on IG

Social media has played a bigger role than ever before in the 2016 election cycle, and it follows that we of the voting public have suddenly become adamant about sharing the details from our side of the ballot. The rise of the ‘ballot selfie’ has certainly been one of the more curious runoff issues from this year’s election, and watching three separate petitions to have them allowed in New York get shot down by a judge is equally uncanny.

In practice, yes, ballot selfies are bad. They hold up the voting line, add to the growing landfill of election-themed internet trivium, and seem to compromise the integrity of the democratic process by allowing the Sauron eye of the internet into a judgment-free space (which a curtained voting booth is certainly meant to afford).

But the idea of a ballot selfie is a good one. It’s a less wasteful “I Voted” sticker you can wear proudly on social media, not to mention a handy tool to help you shame those who chose not to vote this year. And Brokelyn is nothing if not the bad influence your mom warned you about, so we’ve compiled a list of sneaky above-the-law alternatives to the ballot selfie you can feel free to use as proof of your vote this coming Tuesday. (more…)

11/04/16 10:50am
This is the last time you'll have to make a real phone call ever probably. Via Hillary Clinton's Facebook page.

This is the last time you’ll have to make a real phone call ever probably. Via Hillary Clinton’s Facebook page.

Before we nervously drink ourselves to literal death on Tuesday night, there is still, somehow, one more weekend of this interminable election campaign to endure. And sure, it may turn out we’ve been dead this whole time are actually have been trapped in a Shining-style campaign photo for 100 years, but until then you do still have a chance to help bring this thing home for Hillary and make sure Trump doesn’t go all Redrum over our entire country.

Here’s the last batch of GOTV and phone banking efforts you can take part in here in NYC this weekend, including some celeb-studded events (if you consider Jack Antonoff a celeb, at least) and ways to help without leaving the house.  (more…)

11/03/16 3:42pm
Here are all the cheap BK election night parties where you can drink until you die

It’s an election pile-on! via Dardy Bar’s instagram

Finally. FINALLY. After two years of political campaigns from dozens of candidates, followed by the world’s most grueling overtime face-off between semifinalists 4 prez Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, the general election comes to its much-awaited end this Tuesday, November 8.

It’s sure to be a night to remember— which is exactly why you shouldn’t have to. If anything, this is our last chance to drink ourselves into a blissful Obama-livion before “the next four years” with a certain someone begin. We’ve rounded up all the cheap election night parties in Brooklyn, since you’re going to need more than one drink. We’ll keep adding to this list as more come up, so stay tuned if you don’t see one you like just yet. Though as far as we’re concerned, just about anything beats dealing with the nail-biting anxiety of the vote count alone. (more…)

10/25/16 3:06pm
This is a scientific and accurate Eastern chart

This is a highly scientific and accurate Eastern chart. Edited by Sam Corbin

If this election is severely stressing you out, the solution isn’t to avoid the ballot box. It’s just to de-stress the way you always do: with beer, or a massage, or in this case, acupuncture.

This Sunday, Oct. 30, there’s a donation-based acupuncture clinic “for politically induced anxiety, rage, insomnia, fear and trauma.” It’s being held at Honey’s Brooklyn, a cozy little cocktail bar on Scott Ave. in Bushwick. At 2pm, the clinic will welcome a limited number of people for a stress-melting needle session, catered especially to those who are “finding the election coverage manifesting as physical or emotional symptoms.” (more…)

10/20/16 11:18am

hillary clinton benghazi brush your shoulders off brush yo shoulders off brushes shouldersMercifully, the final presidential debate is over but cruelly, there are still 19 days left until the actual election because it turns out there’s no mercy rule in politics so they can’t call this thing early and let everyone vote now. The problem with Trump’s likely defeat at this point is how much carnage he’s willing to create on his way to the loser’s circle, how many mangled carcasses of decency and American political decorum he’s willing to leave by the roadside in his kamikaze last few days.

Election burnout is real; we have in some sense been in this campaign since for a staggering 14 months already, as the first Republican primary was held in August of 2015, if you can even remember a time that far back. That’s not even factoring in the actual physical and mental stress this election is creating, with therapists reporting a spike in Trump-related anxiety and survivors of sexual assault being forced to relive their own trauma over and over again just by watching the news. I have seen several female friends, more than half seriously, ask whether you can sue a presidential candidate for emotional distress.

You deserve a day off, we all deserve a day to breathe after this election and remind ourselves there is a real world outside of politics and tweets and just batshit weird tweets about politics. So let’s dub Nov. 9 a new Adult Skip Day and give ourselves a break; you’re probably not taking enough vacation days anyway.  (more…)