07/25/16 3:41pm
Life is a grind. Via Craigslist.

Life is a grind. Via Craigslist.

Maybe you’re about to dump someone but it’s their birthday and you feel bad. So you, a true gentlebro for the ages, decide to buy her a Vitamix blender — and what a nice blender it is! — as a parting gift. This is a terrible idea, as evidenced in this Craigslist ad a Brooklyn woman posted a few days ago, in which she absolutely frappes, shreds, purees and ice crushes the corporate lawyer who did this to her. It opens with the caveat “never date a corporate lawyer” and goes on to include tidbits like this:

“He clearly wants to break up, but makes you do it. It’s the day after your birthday. A few days later, this Vitamix arrives at your door. Either he wants you back, or he does not understand the human species.” (more…)

02/04/16 3:28pm
The best laundromat in Brooklyn has video games, pinball, beer pizza and makes a great date spot. Via Facebook.

The best laundromat in Brooklyn has video games, pinball, beer pizza and makes a great date spot. Via Facebook.

Dating! Who has the time, amiright? When I was single, I was constantly falling victim to a problem I started to call the second date vortex. First dates are fine and easy to find some time for — you just want to meet for drinks or whatever and do some spark reconnaissance. But the second date? That’s when you want to carve out some hours to get to know the person/do something non-basic, but who has the time? In this economy? With deadlines and television programs to live tweet, bike repairs to make, that stack of unread New Yorkers to tackle and a pile of laundry threatening to become sentient and drink all your beer while you’re away.

Well Valen Time is coming up, and seeing as multitasking is breaking through as the defining trait of our generation, we have a solution: multitask dating! We rounded up the most productive dates you can have in Brooklyn, where you can knock somethings of the errands list while still checking off some names on your tinder matches. (more…)

01/26/16 4:38pm
Fighting an old guy is never a good idea. Especially when you're on a date.

Fighting an old guy is never a good idea. Especially when you’re on a date.

I happen to be a Brooklyn dating pro, because I naively choose to believe that I will find my love and together we will ride a tandem bicycle into the sunset, which in turns means that I go on an absurd number of dates. My (nearly) 10 years of dating in this borough has had its perks as well as its disadvantages. Perks: Being privy to the particularly bad dates that plague Brooklyn, I know the warning signs and can hope to avoid them in the future. And sometimes I get to make out with a cute guy. DisadvantagesI must endure the dates at all.

Despite the optimism that someday my hipster prince will come, I realize my dating record doesn’t speak highly of the kinds of guys who remain single in this borough. (I know men have it hard, too, but their dates generally aren’t as creepy and violent.) I have been on far worse dates than the ones mentioned herein, but please allow me to share with you the five worst dates I’ve been on in Brooklyn. Because if others can learn from my experiences, at least some good will come out of it. And so, from worst to most worst: (more…)

01/12/16 2:29pm
Scattered, smothered, swiped. My life as a Waffle House on Tinder. Photo by Alex Horowitz.

Scattered, smothered, swiped. My life as a Waffle House on Tinder. Photo by Alex Horowitz.

In 2014, I went on Tinder for three weeks and all I got was a host of creepy messages, some boring conversations and a tumultuous six-month relationship. A few months ago, I went on Tinder again and got mostly nonthreatening messages, a couple of fun dates, and a renewed faith in my fellow man. What’s my One Weird Trick for using Tinder and not consequently wanting to despair-throw my phone into the Gowanus? This time, I was on Tinder as a Waffle House. Here’s what I learned. (more…)

01/07/16 10:08am
Her snark is worse than her swipe. via website

Don’t worry, her snark is worse than her swipe. Photo by Katia Temkin

Hey kids, it’s Thursday, which means it’s almost the weekend, which means it’s almost time for your next rendez-vous with a stranger. And whether you’re out meeting people in bars or at home reviewing their dating profiles, it’s equally disappointing to discover that the pickings are ever slim, and your standards are ever negotiable.

Thankfully, a comedian is having similar life experiences, so she can make us laugh about it together. Tonight, funny lady Lane Moore hosts a show called Tinder Live! — and yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like. (more…)

12/03/15 2:02pm
brooklyn.movie.saorise.ronan.michael.zegan

Then: a picture of love. Now: A picture of a drunk guy leaning on his patient girlfriend

Brooklyn (the movie, based on the novel of the same name by Colm Toibin) is a stunning portrait of Brooklyn in the early 1950s and a romance that blossoms between a young Irish immigrant and her Italian suitor. The beauty of their budding relationship against the backdrop of the city is a coming of age tale for its characters and Brooklyn alike, struggling to find their way and navigate the modern world while maintaining tradition.

Although our protagonist, Eilis, certainly has her own romantic struggles and heart-wrenching decisions to make, dating in 1950s Brooklyn looks a hell of a lot better than dating in 2015. Dating in any decade has its downsides of course, but when I look at my personal experience in the 2000s and 2010s, compared to dating in the Brooklyn of the 1950s, I’m clearly dating in Brooklyn in the wrong era. I was supposed to be here cavorting among the men of a simpler time, but someone messed up and plopped me in this atrocity known as the 21st century, amidst ghosters and Tinder. Just look at all the ways that dating in 1950’s Brooklyn was way better than dating in 2015 Brooklyn (extremely mild spoilers follow): (more…)

11/20/15 11:13am
tk via Facebook

Your prayers for a great date spot near a lot of trains have been answered by St. Gambrinus. via Facebook

Looking for love, but can’t bear to give up the comfort of your closest train? Hey, we get it. But what will you do when you meet someone who lives in Midwood? Don’t you want to give that cutie from Long Island City a chance? Thankfully, there’s no need to schlep all the way to their hood until things get serious. Despite the head-scratching lack of fine dating establishments by some of our premier subway stations there are always those dive bars in the rough, so here are some places where you can meet up halfway and still have a great date. (more…)

11/19/15 1:13pm
It's probably not this kind of dating show, but who cares what it is when you're making $600

It’s probably not this kind of dating show, but who cares what it is when you’re making $600

Summer is over and so is summer romance. Spring, when a young woman’s fancy turns to thoughts of love isn’t for a number of months either. It’s almost winter’s bone season, but maybe you’re holding out hope you can find a decent-ish relationship instead of someone to just watch all of Master of None with. You could always try the magic of television dating shows, which only carry the risk of you humiliating yourself and winding up a meme for the rest of your life. Still, a casting notice landed in our inbox today looking for single dudes, and if the prospect of finding love wasn’t enough, they’re also offering $600 for the two days it would take you to do all the filming. (more…)

10/01/15 1:36pm
Photo by Mindy Tucker

Photo by Mindy Tucker

If you’ve been looking for love in Brooklyn lately, you’ve probably been out with at least one person who describes themselves as ‘poly.’ They go on to explain that it’s short for polyamory, and that it means something about loving more than one person at a time. To the rest of us, it just sounds like a free pass to sleep around while still having a steady at home to watch Narcos with.

What makes a ‘poly’ person different from a ‘commitment-phobe?’ Or a cad? We wanted a live poly specimen to break it down for us, so we reached out to friend-of-a-friend Myq Kaplan. He’s a comedian you’ve probably seen on Conan, Letterman, Comedy Central Presents or Last Comic Standing. Kaplan, who’s been in a non-monogamous or ‘poly’ relationship with his current girlfriend for the past 1.5 years—and actually lives with her—sits down with Brokelyn today to discuss the difference between being an evolved emotional being and a sexual opportunist. (more…)

03/25/15 11:23am
Photo by Flickr user carnagenyc.

Right? There is, isn’t there? Photo by Flickr user carnagenyc.

Brooklyn may not be where I was born and raised, but eight years, six jobs, five apartments, three ER visits, and one Brooklyn Bridge tattoo later, it’s where I belong. I’ve been in love and had my heart broken here. I’ve trained for a marathon here. I’ve woken up to water bugs crawling out of the drain, dead rodents, and roommates’ random hookups. I’ve made friends, lost friends and attended funerals. I vote here. My nephew was born here. I’ve dipped my toes in the Gowanus, kissed on the Brooklyn Bridge, and volunteered after Hurricane Sandy. Here’s what I’ve learned along the way.  (more…)