03/23/17 5:11pm

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We’ve all been there: waiting patiently for your Tinder date to arrive as the anticipation swells. You’re mad at yourself. You said repeatedly in the mirror, “I will not use Tinder again. I will not swipe right on a sapiosexual ever again no matter how cute they are in their profile pic!” But here you are, waiting for a sapiosexual. What’s a casual dater to do? Drink. What’s a savvy casual dater to do? Drink wisely.

As much as we want to say we will never succumb to the temptations of Tinder (again), allow yourself to go into the date wisely with the best drink to pair with your Tinder trope, because let’s get real, you’re going to have to drink to get through these dates. (more…)

03/14/17 5:42pm
Mmm, snowman tree sex. The best. Photo via The Rooster

Mmm, snowman tree sex. The best. Photo via The Rooster

It is a truth universally acknowledged that when Brooklynites are forced indoors by inclement weather they must be in want of more sex. There’s no arguing with the fact that being snowed in makes for quality cuddle-time, but some people really make fools of themselves on the internet attempting to seduce a warm body into their bed before the storm starts. But hey, “blizzard sex?” is almost as good a pickup line as “I have snacks” in our books, so use it when you can, we ‘spose.

Since the Craigslist casual encounters section is a dark place full of lonely souls and the worst kind of Chat Roulette users, we combed it for you to find the best listings for your reading pleasure sans all male genitalia. (more…)

02/14/17 4:59pm
Via @BrooklynCartoons on Instagram.

Via @BrooklynCartoons on Instagram.

What’s the state of Brooklyn dating in 2017? These reports today give us a pretty good snapshot of where you’re banging, who you’re banging and how far you’re willing to travel for it:

All about the Bush: Bushwick Daily surveyed 350 neighborhood residents to get the lowdown on their downlow and dirty sex habits. It turns out, 47 percent of responders were single and 27 percent have had sex in a bar bathroom. Plus there’s lots of sticky details about fingerbanging in a warehouse party and smashing (more that avocados) in the Hana food market, with juicy quotes such as:

“I have slept with a lot of Manhattan men, but Bushwick men have better beards anyway, and what a girl wouldn’t want that extra fluff around her vagina.” (more…)

11/16/16 5:00pm
image via pixabay.

image via pixabay.

Do you have a zest for life and passion for what you do? Do you want to date similarly oriented people? This new awesome dating app developed in Amsterdam might be just what you’ve been waiting for.

The Inner Circle is a “selective dating platform” that vets all the newly registered users, and distances itself from apps like Tinder, Happn, and Once. (more…)

09/22/16 3:00pm
Homeless Comedy makes a house call.

Homeless Comedy makes a house call.

For the single New Yorker, comedy shows are one of the best excuses to get out of the house. There are always free or $5 shows out there, and one or two drinks will suffice to round out the night. But once coupled, comedy night becomes a date night, and going to shows can rack up quite a sum. If you’re treating your s/o to a headliner show with tickets, drinks and maybe a bite to eat beforehand, you’ll quickly come to spend at least $50 for an evening out.

Enter Homeless Comedy, a “New York comedy club without a home” founded by 38-year-old comedian Will Mars. Homeless Comedy provides the same comedy club experience, but as DIY living room entertainment in your very own apartment. You can drink your own booze and cook your own food; all you’re paying for is the comedy.

“Just clear out a corner of your main room, turn the seats to face it, invite a bunch of friends around, and we’ll turn up to do the rest,” Mars said.

Mars spoke to Brokelyn about his idea for the group, and how he thinks it complements an already saturated comedy scene in NYC.

“I noticed that most of the exciting comedy clubs and things that were sprouting up had been comic-driven, one-off bar shows,” Mars told us. “Everything more exciting is in Brooklyn and Queens right now [because] it has more of a community feel. And I just wanted to take it a step further, like why don’t we see about putting shows on in an apartment? A bespoke comedy night, just the audience and the comedians.” (more…)

07/25/16 3:41pm
Life is a grind. Via Craigslist.

Life is a grind. Via Craigslist.

Maybe you’re about to dump someone but it’s their birthday and you feel bad. So you, a true gentlebro for the ages, decide to buy her a Vitamix blender — and what a nice blender it is! — as a parting gift. This is a terrible idea, as evidenced in this Craigslist ad a Brooklyn woman posted a few days ago, in which she absolutely frappes, shreds, purees and ice crushes the corporate lawyer who did this to her. It opens with the caveat “never date a corporate lawyer” and goes on to include tidbits like this:

“He clearly wants to break up, but makes you do it. It’s the day after your birthday. A few days later, this Vitamix arrives at your door. Either he wants you back, or he does not understand the human species.” (more…)

02/04/16 3:28pm
The best laundromat in Brooklyn has video games, pinball, beer pizza and makes a great date spot. Via Facebook.

The best laundromat in Brooklyn has video games, pinball, beer pizza and makes a great date spot. Via Facebook.

Dating! Who has the time, amiright? When I was single, I was constantly falling victim to a problem I started to call the second date vortex. First dates are fine and easy to find some time for — you just want to meet for drinks or whatever and do some spark reconnaissance. But the second date? That’s when you want to carve out some hours to get to know the person/do something non-basic, but who has the time? In this economy? With deadlines and television programs to live tweet, bike repairs to make, that stack of unread New Yorkers to tackle and a pile of laundry threatening to become sentient and drink all your beer while you’re away.

Well Valen Time is coming up, and seeing as multitasking is breaking through as the defining trait of our generation, we have a solution: multitask dating! We rounded up the most productive dates you can have in Brooklyn, where you can knock somethings of the errands list while still checking off some names on your tinder matches. (more…)

01/26/16 4:38pm
Fighting an old guy is never a good idea. Especially when you're on a date.

Fighting an old guy is never a good idea. Especially when you’re on a date.

I happen to be a Brooklyn dating pro, because I naively choose to believe that I will find my love and together we will ride a tandem bicycle into the sunset, which in turns means that I go on an absurd number of dates. My (nearly) 10 years of dating in this borough has had its perks as well as its disadvantages. Perks: Being privy to the particularly bad dates that plague Brooklyn, I know the warning signs and can hope to avoid them in the future. And sometimes I get to make out with a cute guy. DisadvantagesI must endure the dates at all.

Despite the optimism that someday my hipster prince will come, I realize my dating record doesn’t speak highly of the kinds of guys who remain single in this borough. (I know men have it hard, too, but their dates generally aren’t as creepy and violent.) I have been on far worse dates than the ones mentioned herein, but please allow me to share with you the five worst dates I’ve been on in Brooklyn. Because if others can learn from my experiences, at least some good will come out of it. And so, from worst to most worst: (more…)

01/12/16 2:29pm
Scattered, smothered, swiped. My life as a Waffle House on Tinder. Photo by Alex Horowitz.

Scattered, smothered, swiped. My life as a Waffle House on Tinder. Photo by Alex Horowitz.

In 2014, I went on Tinder for three weeks and all I got was a host of creepy messages, some boring conversations and a tumultuous six-month relationship. A few months ago, I went on Tinder again and got mostly nonthreatening messages, a couple of fun dates, and a renewed faith in my fellow man. What’s my One Weird Trick for using Tinder and not consequently wanting to despair-throw my phone into the Gowanus? This time, I was on Tinder as a Waffle House. Here’s what I learned. (more…)