What’s the state of Brooklyn dating in 2017? These reports today give us a pretty good snapshot of where you’re banging, who you’re banging and how far you’re willing to travel for it:
All about the Bush: Bushwick Daily surveyed 350 neighborhood residents to get the lowdown on their downlow and dirty sex habits. It turns out, 47 percent of responders were single and 27 percent have had sex in a bar bathroom. Plus there’s lots of sticky details about fingerbanging in a warehouse party and smashing (more that avocados) in the Hana food market, with juicy quotes such as:
“I have slept with a lot of Manhattan men, but Bushwick men have better beards anyway, and what a girl wouldn’t want that extra fluff around her vagina.” (more…)
For the single New Yorker, comedy shows are one of the best excuses to get out of the house. There are always free or $5 shows out there, and one or two drinks will suffice to round out the night. But once coupled, comedy night becomes a date night, and going to shows can rack up quite a sum. If you’re treating your s/o to a headliner show with tickets, drinks and maybe a bite to eat beforehand, you’ll quickly come to spend at least $50 for an evening out.
Enter Homeless Comedy, a “New York comedy club without a home” founded by 38-year-old comedian Will Mars. Homeless Comedy provides the same comedy club experience, but as DIY living room entertainment in your very own apartment. You can drink your own booze and cook your own food; all you’re paying for is the comedy.
“Just clear out a corner of your main room, turn the seats to face it, invite a bunch of friends around, and we’ll turn up to do the rest,” Mars said.
Mars spoke to Brokelyn about his idea for the group, and how he thinks it complements an already saturated comedy scene in NYC.
“I noticed that most of the exciting comedy clubs and things that were sprouting up had been comic-driven, one-off bar shows,” Mars told us. “Everything more exciting is in Brooklyn and Queens right now [because] it has more of a community feel. And I just wanted to take it a step further, like why don’t we see about putting shows on in an apartment? A bespoke comedy night, just the audience and the comedians.” (more…)
Hey but wait, before you swear off dating entirely: Have you tried kickball?
We don’t mean just any kickball with anybody, of course. No, we’re talking about the kind of alcohol-infused (think post-game flip cup) kickball that comes with signing up for a social sports league. Like the whisper-quiet Maytag dishwasher, a well-curated sports league makes it so you don’t even realize you’re meeting new people!
NYC Social has been around in New York for a while and offers a variety of different sports year round, but kickball stands out to us as the Brooklyn choice — just rescuing that slogan from Budweiser’s gnarled, macrobrew fingers, btw — because it’s scrappier, less contact-heavy and hearkens back to a bygone era of stoop kids who, in the absence of iPhones and Facebook and dating apps, learned to make their own fun. (more…)
Maybe you’re about to dump someone but it’s their birthday and you feel bad. So you, a true gentlebro for the ages, decide to buy her a Vitamix blender — and what a nice blender it is! — as a parting gift. This is a terrible idea, as evidenced in this Craigslist ad a Brooklyn woman posted a few days ago, in which she absolutely frappes, shreds, purees and ice crushes the corporate lawyer who did this to her. It opens with the caveat “never date a corporate lawyer” and goes on to include tidbits like this:
“He clearly wants to break up, but makes you do it. It’s the day after your birthday. A few days later, this Vitamix arrives at your door. Either he wants you back, or he does not understand the human species.” (more…)
The best laundromat in Brooklyn has video games, pinball, beer pizza and makes a great date spot. Via Facebook.
Dating! Who has the time, amiright? When I was single, I was constantly falling victim to a problem I started to call the second date vortex. First dates are fine and easy to find some time for — you just want to meet for drinks or whatever and do some spark reconnaissance. But the second date? That’s when you want to carve out some hours to get to know the person/do something non-basic, but who has the time? In this economy? With deadlines and television programs to live tweet, bike repairs to make, that stack of unread New Yorkers to tackle and a pile of laundry threatening to become sentient and drink all your beer while you’re away.
Well Valen Time is coming up, and seeing as multitasking is breaking through as the defining trait of our generation, we have a solution: multitask dating! We rounded up the most productive dates you can have in Brooklyn, where you can knock somethings of the errands list while still checking off some names on your tinder matches. (more…)
Fighting an old guy is never a good idea. Especially when you’re on a date.
I happen to be a Brooklyn dating pro, because I naively choose to believe that I will find my love and together we will ride a tandem bicycle into the sunset, which in turns means that I go on an absurd number of dates. My (nearly) 10 years of dating in this borough has had its perks as well as its disadvantages. Perks: Being privy to the particularly bad dates that plague Brooklyn, I know the warning signs and can hope to avoid them in the future. And sometimes I get to make out with a cute guy. Disadvantages: I must endure the dates at all.
Despite the optimism that someday my hipster prince will come, I realize my dating record doesn’t speak highly of the kinds of guys who remain single in this borough. (I know men have it hard, too, but their dates generally aren’t as creepy and violent.) I have been on far worse dates than the ones mentioned herein, but please allow me to share with you the five worst dates I’ve been on in Brooklyn. Because if others can learn from my experiences, at least some good will come out of it. And so, from worst to most worst: (more…)
Scattered, smothered, swiped. My life as a Waffle House on Tinder. Photo by Alex Horowitz.
In 2014, I went on Tinder for three weeks and all I got was a host of creepy messages, some boring conversations and a tumultuous six-month relationship. A few months ago, I went on Tinder again and got mostly nonthreatening messages, a couple of fun dates, and a renewed faith in my fellow man. What’s my One Weird Trick for using Tinder and not consequently wanting to despair-throw my phone into the Gowanus? This time, I was on Tinder as a Waffle House. Here’s what I learned. (more…)
Don’t worry, her snark is worse than her swipe. Photo by Katia Temkin
Hey kids, it’s Thursday, which means it’s almost the weekend, which means it’s almost time for your next rendez-vous with a stranger. And whether you’re out meeting people in bars or at home reviewing their dating profiles, it’s equally disappointing to discover that the pickings are ever slim, and your standards are ever negotiable.
Thankfully, a comedian is having similar life experiences, so she can make us laugh about it together. Tonight, funny lady Lane Moore hosts a show called Tinder Live! — and yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like. (more…)
Then: a picture of love. Now: A picture of a drunk guy leaning on his patient girlfriend
Brooklyn (the movie, based on the novel of the same name by Colm Toibin) is a stunning portrait of Brooklyn in the early 1950s and a romance that blossoms between a young Irish immigrant and her Italian suitor. The beauty of their budding relationship against the backdrop of the city is a coming of age tale for its characters and Brooklyn alike, struggling to find their way and navigate the modern world while maintaining tradition.
Although our protagonist, Eilis, certainly has her own romantic struggles and heart-wrenching decisions to make, dating in 1950s Brooklyn looks a hell of a lot better than dating in 2015. Dating in any decade has its downsides of course, but when I look at my personal experience in the 2000s and 2010s, compared to dating in the Brooklyn of the 1950s, I’m clearly dating in Brooklyn in the wrong era. I was supposed to be here cavorting among the men of a simpler time, but someone messed up and plopped me in this atrocity known as the 21st century, amidst ghosters and Tinder. Just look at all the ways that dating in 1950’s Brooklyn was way better than dating in 2015 Brooklyn (extremely mild spoilers follow): (more…)