04/03/14 9:55am
f train

F, for “Fuck I can’t believe I got my identity stolen on this fucking train.” via Flickr user Brian

We’ve all fallen asleep on the train, either from being exhausted from work or from being drunk*. That being said, we’ve usually been sure not to have pretty much every piece of identification establishing who we are on our person at the time we fell asleep. One unfortunate person from Massachusetts fell asleep on the F train recently, and woke up without his birth certificate, Social Security card, passport and basically every other piece of government ID he had. Maybe the thief is preparing him for some version of The Game? (more…)

03/03/14 9:38am
cotton candy machine gallery

Come on, these can’t be easy to hide. via Facebook

Brooklyn’s art world has been hotter than hot the past two decades, but the one thing it’s been missing is a comical, slapstick art heist. But now we’ve got one, with an almost improbable tale of thievery involving art thieves nabbing enormous paintings of Nelson Mandela, Jean-Michael Basquiat and Snoop Lion from Williamsburg art gallery Cotton Candy Machine. A suspect in possession of the  5′ Basquiat painting has already been apprehended (finally get to write that phrase!), but the Snoop Lion and the Nelson Mandela paintings are still missing. (more…)

01/31/14 10:36am
Well, not like this. That we know of anyway.

Well, not like this. That we know of anyway.

Public libraries are a precious resource, spreading the joy of reading to people no matter what their socioeconomic status, and doing it without resorting to trickery and tomfoolery. At least that’s why we like them. A new Daily News story shows that other people might like them because they’re easy to steal from, as Brooklynites stole 70,144 books from the Brooklyn Public Library system in 2012. This sounds like a much bigger deal than jaywalking, so we hope you’re listening Mayor de Blasio. (more…)

01/20/14 12:45pm
heavy woods

If only someone had been there to shake the crime stick at them.

Hey there foppish 20somethings of Bushwick, in your darkened bars lit only by hanging Edison bulbs: do you know what’s lurking around those trendy bars you love? CRIME. Yes, despite the Twelve Years of Bloomberg ushering in an era where even thinking about committing crimes (except white collar ones…) seemed to get you a police response, you’d think there was no more of it in Brooklyn. But think again loser, because investigative journalist Conor Woodman went to a bar in Bushwick and he found crime. Well, a pickpocketing staged for TV cameras. But, crime! Those terrified Super Bowl visitors were right all along. (more…)

12/30/13 10:26am
the warriors

Your typical New York City resident, in the eyes of a potential Super Bowl visitor

As we all know, Mayor Bloomberg has been going around on a victory lap in his last days, touting his achievements on keeping New York City’s crime rate low. It sounded silly at first, but maybe we really does need to get the word out, because a poll of potential Super Bowl visitors found that their biggest fear was violent crime. Even weirder, a quarter of them said they wouldn’t feel safe on public transportation. This 80s nostalgia is taking a real weird turn, you guys. (more…)

What you see above is someone who stole some packages from a Clinton Hill apartment building. The footage is sped up, but you’ll notice the thief spent a bunch of time just hangin’ out, twerking, in preparation for the thievery. Or maybe she was just there twerking, as you do, and her and her dude decided to steal stuff out of someone’s packages. Either way, the victim, Lindsay Riddle, told Gothamist that she was out there doing this for an hour before coming in from the cold to steal some stuff. That must be one warm fur coat. Anyway, welcome to de Blasio’s New York, Lhota was right, etc. etc. (more…)

12/09/13 11:37am

You’ll never know what he’s up to anymore

One of the joys of looking at the news is the police blotter. Yes, it’s informative and alerts you to potential dangers in your neighborhood and city, but it’s also the place you go to for bizarre stories like the man who thought he was a pirate in Bensonhurst. But Brooklynites are going to have to find a new source of crime-based entertainment (perhaps Criminal Minds?), because apparently the NYPD is doing away with the practice of sharing police blotter information. (more…)

12/04/13 12:44pm

Police sketch of the suspect

Look, we don’t want to parrot the idea that crime is about to go back to numbers we saw in the 80s in #deblasiosnewyork. It’s just a silly idea coming from a galley of opportunists and scallawags who tried to make paranoia and dog whistle racism a plank of their electoral appeal. Of course, that doesn’t mean we’re always going to be floating on an ocean of calm, this is a big city after all, with a rogues’ gallery of people looking to do wrong. Like the lunatic who broke into a Bensonhurst home this weekend looking for booty, while armed with a sword. It’s just so sad to see another young person hooked by the aura of the pirate’s life. (more…)

orange is the new black

Prison girls are not impressed

It happens with every popular show. People get really into a show and want to emulate their televised heroes, be they meth-makers or female prison inmates. And after we had cops who thought they were a bunch of Hank Schraders in Coney Island, now we’ve got an enterprising thief in Park Slope stealing from the Orange is the New Black set, like she’s some kind of Daya. (more…)

07/16/13 3:14pm
McGolrik Park in calmer days. via Flickr user erin & camera

McGolrik Park in calmer days. via Flickr user erin & camera

Usually when people are bitching about rambunctious teenagers, it’s easy to write it off as complaints from old out of touch people. But now teens in Greenpoint’s McGolrick Park are making the troublemaking teens of the McCarren Park pool look like choir boys. How? Oh, just putting knives to the throats of dogs and SETTING FIRES. You kids keep it up and some mayoral candidate is gonna run on platform of eliminating summer break. (more…)