midwood tire slashing

We’d usually say whatever gets you off, but this is wrong. via Flickr user chorley.paul

In the most mysterious Brooklyn crime since we all woke up to a Brooklyn Bridge with white flags on top of it, a couple in Midwood decided to spend late Saturday/early Sunday morning puncturing tires up and down Midwood. All told, the suspects who still remain on the lam, slashed tires on 70 different cars according to CBS. Police haven’t revealed the names of the suspects, but we wonder if a certain pro-cycling Twitter account will take responsibility for this one. (more…)

11/12/14 2:59pm
holy rollers

Finally, Jesse Eisenberg gets the sequel he didn’t know he wanted to star in.

To a non-Jew, Brooklyn’s Hasidic community can often look foreign if you come from somewhere without a strong Orthodox presence. Hell, even non-Hasidic Jews sometimes don’t know what’s going on in these communities. As it turns out though, we might want to start cracking open that Talmud more often, because an awesome party guy was just busted holding on to an automatic rifle, LSD and mushrooms in Crown Heights Jewish youth center the ALIYA Institute. In his defense, none of those things are explicitly not kosher. (more…)

11/10/14 4:10pm
red hook ikea

It’s hard out there on the Ikea streets. via Flickr user Ham Hock

A long time ago, we told you about the best ways to get your malms ‘n’ things back from the Red Hook Ikea. It was a useful article, but in keeping with the times, we’ll suggest you also keep your head on a swivel there, or show up heavily armed, because according to DNA Info, crime is on the rise at Ikea. With any luck, things will calm down before the Swedish government sends a crack team of super soldat to restore order to the furniture store. (more…)

11/05/14 1:04pm

If you hadn’t heard, there have been a rash of stores in Harlem, Fort Greene and Bed-Stuy putting up signs stating that people wearing hoodies or masks in the store would be charged with trespassing. Masks are on thing, but people seemed a little annoyed by the idea of criminalizing hoodies. ANIMAL New York took the ban to it’s logical conclusion though, and sent a nice young man out in front of a bodega with one of the signs to act as a coat check of sorts, but for hoodies instead of coats. At the very least, it’s an accommodating gesture. (more…)

11/04/14 2:13pm
stolen bike

They’ll pick it clean, man. via Flickr user Steve Tannock

This might be Taylor Swift’s frozen yogurt-encased city now, but just because we’re now ruled by a Diet Coke in human form doesn’t mean that there isn’t CRIME on our streets. For instance, that brand new bike that you’ve been riding around town and that you’re all proud of owning? Take a tip from this amNewYork story and got a big honking chain for that sucker, because bike theft is on the rise in Taylor Swift’s New York. (more…)

09/15/14 10:19am
bed-stuy

Don’t walk around like you own the place…unless you’re Charles Bronson. via Flickr user aliabdallah

So you’ve just invested in your million-dollar Bed-Stuy dream townhouse. Wait, sorry, let’s try that again, in a more realistic way. So you and your 2 roommates just signed a lease for a $3200 2-bedroom in Bed-Stuy or Bushwick, and you’re excited about your cool new neighborhood and its uh…bright future. That is until you read the Post this morning and found out that despite what that friendly real estate agent told you, crime still exists in Bed-Stuy and Bushwick. “But they told me all the crime was gone!” you say to no one in particular in your suddenly unsafe apartment, as you prepare to become just another statistic. (more…)

07/17/14 1:38pm
citi bike

They’ve been going for one way rides. Photo by Mary Dorn

Even though it’s just a year old, New Yorkers are still pretty excited about Citi Bike obviously. Not only are people riding the bikes to within the (limited) system of docking stations, residents of neighborhoods like Crown Heights, Brownsville and East New York are riding the bike share bikes there on one-way trips. Sure, you might be (and police definitely are) looking at this as stealing public property from a financially imperiled transportation system. We prefer to look on the bright side: Everyone wants Citi Bikes! (more…)

07/08/14 3:05pm
rockaway beach

Total freaking anarchy. via Flickr user Shannon

Maybe it’s just because I grew up in a beach town, but if there’s one thing I don’t usually equate lifeguards with, it’s “sobriety and temperance.” Apparently New York City demands better of its Fun Police though, because it’s some kind of scandal that six Rockaway lifeguards got caught smoking weed on a rainy Fourth of July. We thought you were cool, de Blasio. (more…)

06/23/14 1:33pm
subway crime

Trainjackings are much less likely to occur in New York these days, according to the numbers anyway.

Given that they’re isolated, often underground caverns full of garbage and rats, people might be under the impression that subway platforms are a place for crime. Turns out we should put those Warriors-era fears to bed though, because a the Daily News looked at data covering subway crime from 2008 to 2013 and it turns out that unless someone beats you up or robs you at the Broad Channel A station, there hasn’t been a ton of subway crime over the last five years. (more…)

molotov cocktail bodega

Good fucking god

When you get into an argument with someone, the best thing to do is let cooler heads prevail and just walk away. The best worst decision you can make is to fight someone, but using your fists, not a weapon. Some psychopath in Borough Park decided skip straight to the “deadly weapon” escalation, and after an argument with a bodega employee, threw a Molotov cocktail into the bodega. (more…)