07/10/14 4:23pm
brooklyknight

Just another unemployed dude with a bucket on his head now

The NBA off-season has been one of massive palace intrigue from the day after the Heat were blown out by the Spurs, and the Nets have not been short of said intrigue. They’re not in the LeBron sweepstakes, but the Jason Kidd clusterfuck and the question of whether Paul Pierce and KG will come back has created plenty of instability on its own. Thankfully though, the Nets have made a positive, stabilizing move. No, not hiring Lionell Hollins to coach the team. They’ve officially ended the reign of hilariously bad mascot the BrooklyKnight. Mikhail Prokohorov does realize his salary doesn’t count towards the luxury tax though, right? (more…)

07/08/14 10:03am
brooklynettes audition

You thought you could dance, until you wound up here. Photos by Gabrielle Westfield

When I originally heard about the Brooklynettes open tryout I knew immediately I had to see what it was like. I also wanted to see how far my background in gymnastics and collegiate cheerleading, and the 3.5 hip-hop dance classes under my belt, would get me in the process. My preparation for this tryout was simple: nothing but salads for the 2 days prior, attend Chelsea Piers adult gymnastics class to see if I could still tumble (flip), and watch videos of the Brooklynettes’ routines on YouTube the night before the tryout. This was about the most preparation I’ve ever done for a personal endeavor… and I felt like a well-oiled machine (cue the Rocky theme song).  (more…)

06/05/14 1:43pm
brooklynettes

This could be you next season. Not shown: The Net’s 6-43 record. via Facebook

Give me a B!  Give me an R! Give me a chance to shake it in a skimpy sparkly costume in the Barclays Center?  Check.

In case you miss your old middle school cheerleading days, or if you missed out on the spirit squad all together, your chance to break out your spirit fingers and relive teenage glory has arrived. because The Brooklynettes, the Nets’ dance squad, are holding open auditions this month. (more…)

05/07/14 11:14am
brooklyn nets

Can you sell people on ponying up to see Deron Williams’ busted ankles? The Nets have a job for you. via Facebook

Hey, you know what? You’re a pretty awesome person. Capable, focused, nice haircut, beloved by pets and senior citizens alike, you’ve got it all. So, the question is, why are you still working at that job that you hate so much? Well, the answer is because you haven’t read this awesome list of kick-ass, up-for-grabs jobs that we’ve scoured the Internet to compile. Let’s remedy that, shall we? (more…)

03/25/14 10:05am
Mikhail Prokhorov

Nets’ owner Mikhail Prokhorov shows 60 Minutes how he plans to convince the NBA to allow the Nets to be a Russian franchise

Since taking over ownership of the Nets, owner Mikhail Prokhorov has mostly kept quiet off the basketball court, allowing James Dolan to keep ownership of New York’s worst/most embarrassing owner. But while Dolan might be blessedly moving to the background with Phil Jackson coming aboard to try to fix the Knicks, Prokhorov is stepping in to fill the embarrassing owner hole by announcing his intention to make the Nets a Russian franchise right when U.S./Russia relations have moved from “frosty” to “retaliatory sanctions.” How’s your bandwagon now? (more…)

03/14/14 4:24pm
brooklyn nets

You know who ELSE dominated the Heat in the regular season? 2012-13 NBA champions 1st round playoff winners the New York Knicks. via Facebook

Ever since 2014 started, the Nets have been less of a dumpster fire and have been playing like you might expect a team with a $102,308,627 payroll to play. Which is to say, they’ve been winning basketball games. Hey, good for you guys. Meanwhile, the Knicks have remained in dumpster fire territory, with even their wins punctuated by some of the worst basketball in the Western world. Seeing that, Nets CEO/human made entirely of marketing catchphrases Brett Yormark told the Daily News that the team would welcome any unsatisfied Knicks fans at the House That Eminent Domain Built. (more…)

02/24/14 1:19pm
jason collins

An old washed-up fossil finds employment with the Nets. And on the right, Jason Collins. via @BrooklynNets

The Nets finally made news on the basketball court this season by signing Jason Collins, the first openly gay professional athlete in one of North America’s Big Four sports, to a 10-day contract this weekend. Unlike the Nets’ expensive haircuttery, fighting coaches or sports yak radio-themed food stands, this is news that could actually cause you to consider going to see a Nets game. But should you take a trip down to the Spaceship that Bruce Ratner Built just to get a glimpse of Jason Collins camped out in the paint? (more…)

01/23/14 2:20pm
jay-z nets

Yeah, he looks real concerned

The Nets have been playing well lately, much to the chagrin of certain local blog editors who made fun of their expensive haircuttery right before this hot streak. Still, that doesn’t mean everything is great in the Nets Land. Brook Lopez is still injured, they still have no draft picks in the future and now some lunatic is suing them for $600 million because he says he patented the name “Brooklyn Nets” ten years before they came carpetbagging across the river. (more…)

brooklyn nets sunset park

KG is so old he’s not gonna be around when this thing opens. via Facebook

Seeing as how Brooklyn is the reigning king of all things hyperlocal and only beloved if you can get there by bike, it’s shocking, shocking, that the Nets chose to keep practicing in Jersey after moving here. But not they’re taking steps to correct that, with new plans to open a giant training facility in Sunset Park’s Industry City, home or Jacques Torres chocolates and MakerBot. Who knows, maybe if they hadn’t had been tired from the back-and-forth between here and Jersey, they wouldn’t have opened the season with a loss to the Cavs. (more…)