12/21/15 11:00am
Good god... via Dallas Food

Good god… via Dallas Food

Brooklyn is a place for many things, but most of all it’s been seen as a borough of authenticity and honesty being found in the hearts of its residents. Marty Markowitz might have made “Oh how sweet it is!” Brooklyn’s unofficial motto when he was borough president, but he could have also slapped “Brooklyn: To thine own self be true” on the welcome signs at the borough’s entrance. So it’s with great sadness we have to report that two famous Brooklyn residents appear to have been caught in a dreadful lie that strikes at the heart of who they told us they were. According to a bombshell new report circulating on the internet, the Mast Brothers didn’t always have hilariously huge beards. What’s next, ExxonMobil really did own Mellow Pages the entire time? (more…)

Can you outgrow this hairy gents?

Can you outgrow this hairy gents?

Beards! People are fascinated by them, many folks throughout history have grown them. Maybe even you have one, and you’re thinking you should get around to shaving because it’s so freaking hot out. Before you do that though, consider how long it takes you to grow something weird and award-worthy, because glory and a trophy fez await you at the upcoming Coney Island Beard and Moustache Competition. (more…)

12/02/14 3:04pm

Quick, what are two of the most insufferable types of people you can think of off the top of your head? If you (correctly) answered “men who really into their beards” and “men who want to tell you about how fatherhood has changed everything” have we got a treat for you! Via Gothamist, here’s the story of new father Luke Hughett, who when forced to choose between making his newborn baby happy or keeping his beard, chose the baby. But not without freezing his beard in carbonite. Er, lucite.

There’s only so much that can be said about this situation that isn’t said by the thousand-yard stare Hughett’s wife gives during a brief interview at the end of the video, but we will say that it’s always fascinating to combine too much money with a possible imbalance. Sometimes you get a person who freezes his beard in carbonite, but sometimes you get John du Pont. So it could definitely be worse. (more…)

11/13/14 2:22pm
beruit beards

Not welcome in Beruit. via Flickr user Metal Chris

Here in Brooklyn, most of our arguments about beards are pretty silly. Why are people getting surgery to insert them on their faces? Should I do that? Are beards are a Brooklyn thing? Oh wait, maybe they aren’t? You might be sick of talking about beards, but consider yourself lucky that unlike in Lebanon, you won’t get hasseled by a cop here just because you have a ridiculous beard. What’s the worst that could happen here, someone tweets mean things at you about being a hipster? (more…)

06/25/14 8:39am

To be fair, some of us were just shedding our playoff beards. Still, this straight-faced report from The Onion is either a credible Earth B where this happens already or a terrifying vision of the future where the streets of Williamsburg (and Bushwick, get with it guys) are full of discarded facial hair. Plus there’s a great weight-loss tip at the end of the video.

[h/t Free Williamsburg] (more…)

02/27/14 2:08pm

While everyone is talking about beard transplants this week, we found this video of a beard-transplant surgery in action. It illuminates not only what kind of man would be driven to get a beard transplant by social stigmatization, but the kind-faced soul who would selflessly donate their facial hair to someone in need. The video is touching, informative and … it’s a joke, from a year ago. It’s a great case of art predicting life, though it doesn’t seem quite as funny today now that beard transplants may be an actual thing. Kinda like that time five-blade razors went from an Onion joke to actual reality.

02/26/14 3:21pm
Hipsters the lot of you.

Hipsters the lot of you.

It is a common fact that the only reason people in America have beards in this day and age is because they were transfixed by the trendy face sorcery mastered by the young men of Brooklyn, who trained themselves to push hair follicles through their face seemingly with little effort, and sometimes even while sleeping. This is why the Times informed us that the “Brooklyn beard” went mainstream this year, and why DNAinfo pins this beard transplant surgery trend squarely on “the hipsters from Williamsburg to Park Slope.” While it seems nearly inconceivable that anyone outside of Brooklyn could figure out how to grow a beard, we did some digging: did you know that people who do not live in Brooklyn, or even Portland, have beards? We found as many as 30 examples: (more…)

02/25/14 10:40am
A much cheaper option to get that beard you wanted.

A much cheaper option to get that beard you wanted.

When it comes to beards, you’ve either got it, or you don’t. You can’t do stretches or stick your face in something so you can fight back against what your genes never gave you. Alternately, you could pay a doctor $7,000 to take hair from your head and put it on your face, which cosmetic surgeons told DNA Info is a practice on the upswing, thanks of course to Brooklyn. We did it, everyone, we’ve officially made an unshaven face into a symbol of male anxiety and worthlessness. Reggae horn! (more…)

01/09/14 11:40am
bearded man

Look at this fucking hipster. via Flickr user Adrian Wallett

Science has wondered for decades now: can men grow beards? Despite ample evidence through the centuries that yes, the male face tends to sprout hair at an impressive clip, the question wasn’t truly settled until recently when people in Brooklyn started growing beards. Suddenly, because of our facial hair-friendly population, beards are everywhere according to the New York Times. Not just regular beards. Brooklyn beards. (more…)

01/02/14 2:48pm
bearded men

Science says: Women feel these guys would make great fathers. via Flickr user zieak

It’s cold right now, so cold that you might be thinking of growing a beard just to protect your otherwise defenseless face from the cutting wind. Good idea! Especially because if science is to be believed (and it’s been trustworthy so far), women find beards both attractive and indicators of good fathering skills. Turns out the future just might belong to the bearded. (more…)