07/14/15 11:11am
We're not gonna say we told you so. We're gonna shout we told you so. via the Barclays Center

We’re not gonna say we told you so. We’re gonna shout we told you so. via the Barclays Center

If you’ve ever been to the Barclays Center and sat in the cheap seats (which if you’re reading this blog, that’s probably where you sat), you probably noticed almost immediately that everything there is extremely precarious. The seats and stairs slope down on what feels like a 180 degree angle and the space between the rows is so small if always feels like you’re one misstep, drunk or sober, away from tumbling down the seats. That drunken misstep finally happened at a Billy Joel concert of all things, but instead of the person who fell suing the Barclays Center, the woman the falling man fell on is suing the Barclays Center. (more…)

03/09/15 1:35pm
brooklyn dnc

It just won’t ever die. Photoshop of Chris Gigant’s photoshop by Curtis Glenn

With Philadelphia being the “lucky winner” of the DNC sweepstakes, we thought that Brooklyn was safe from political nominating conventions and their army of political nimrods wandering our streets. We (Brokelyn, specifically) even “danced a jig” according to the New York Times. Sadly, that touchdown dance looks like it was all for naught, because already political types are hyping up “DNC 2020 in Brooklyn,” crushing our hopes that we had driven the beast out for good. (more…)

12/26/14 1:20pm
brook lopez nets

Brook Lopez feels for you, broke basketball-goers. via The Brooklyn Game

Hey there, broke basketball fan. Were you making plans to watch the Nets go on an improbable post-New Year’s run for a second straight year live and in-person? Well, beyond the fact that you shouldn’t get your hopes up that that will happen again, you should also keep in mind it could cost you big, at least if you have children, terrible children. A new study pegs the cost for a family of 4 to “enjoy” a game at the Barclays Center at $404.60. Just another argument not to have kids, frankly. (more…)

12/17/14 9:34am
barclays center roof leak

Yeah, we’ve been there

If you live in New York City long enough, you will eventually have to deal with the prospect of a leaky roof when it rains. Apparently this universal problem extends to our sports teams too, as the Nets/Heat game was delayed last night because the roof of the (billion-dollar) Barclays Center started leaking during the light rain. Really gives you confidence that the apartments being built next to it will definitely leak. (more…)

arcade fire

They’re ready to party. Or at least as ready as the Arcade Fire can be to party.

So you missed the Arcade Fire when they played Bushwick, and you’ve been regretting it ever since. Good thing you can see them at Barclays Center, huh? Why pay full price though, when you can use this Groupon to pay 50% less for tickets to Win Butler and pals wear giant paper maché heads? No seriously, we’re asking why you’d do that. (more…)

06/09/14 4:14pm
Brooklyn DNC

This is our future. Unless we fight. Terrifying Jonah photoshop by Chris Giganti

Despite our howling protests asking him not to, lousy old Mayor de Blasio has decided to put in a bid for Brooklyn to host the DNC. Like we said when we first asked Mayor Tall not to subject us to this, we’re looking at 35,000 clones of Jonah, Veep‘s self-obsessed, buffoonish presidential aide turned candidate hanger-on who’s an all too real caricature of DC, descending on Brooklyn.

That’s 35,000 Jonahs who don’t know how to use MetroCard machines, who step in front of you to steal your cab, who hit on your girlfriend and reek of the desperation that only the young, ambitious and ideologically bereft can reek of. Take heart though: we’ve got a battle plan to keep the DNC from picking Brooklyn, we just need your help to implement it. (more…)

06/05/14 1:43pm
brooklynettes

This could be you next season. Not shown: The Net’s 6-43 record. via Facebook

Give me a B!  Give me an R! Give me a chance to shake it in a skimpy sparkly costume in the Barclays Center?  Check.

In case you miss your old middle school cheerleading days, or if you missed out on the spirit squad all together, your chance to break out your spirit fingers and relive teenage glory has arrived. because The Brooklynettes, the Nets’ dance squad, are holding open auditions this month. (more…)

jonah ryan

We would rather chop off our hands than see Brooklyn overrun with shitbirds like this for even a day, much less a week

In case you didn’t know, there’s a presidential election in 2016. For president of America. And while ordinarily New Yorkers could just exist in our bubble of smug liberal satisfaction at the fact that we’re not, well, the rest of America, Mayor “Red” Bill de Blasio might pierce that bubble. According to the Brooklyn Paper, he’s trying to attract the DNC and all of its horrible functionaries, hangers-on and political hacks to the Barclays Center. If Barack Obama was ever really gonna cancel the 2016 election, seize our guns and declare himself king, this would be a great time to do it. (more…)

04/22/14 1:55pm
brooklyn islanders

Still the best suggested Islanders rebrand we’ve come across. via the New York Post

In between hosting country music concerts, for all of Brooklyn’s many country fans coming from Brooklyn’s 385 country music bars, the Barclays Center hosts sporting events. If you missed our previous inflammatory article discussing it, you might not know that aside from the Nets, the Islanders will be calling Barclays home soon. And since one game watching the Islanders play hockey wasn’t enough to make fans vow to never come back, Barclays will be hosting another pre-season game on September 26. (more…)

atlantic yards

Pictured: Apartments in Atlantic Yards that may or may not ever be built. via A/N Blog

It might be hard to remember, but the Barclays Center wasn’t supposed to be the only gigantic thing built in the Atlantic Yards project. The reason it was supposed to be such a boon to Brooklyn, aside from boosting or huge country music scene, was that Atlantic Yards was supposed to come with oodles of housing. The Times took  a look at what’s up with said housing and found a bunch of delays ahead, along with a shift in how the buildings are actually going to go up. If they ever go up, before World War III ends up starting over some disputed piece of Ukraine and we all have to live in underground shelters due to nuclear winter. (more…)