08/28/14 2:51pm
No, see, it's not an illegal sublet. We just have a lot of kids.

No, see, it’s not an illegal sublet. We just have a lot of kids.

Your desire to live in a luxury apartment is probably a bit stymied by the fact that your desire to pay a luxury apartment price is non-existent. What if though, you could split the cost of it with a few roommates? Taking it a step further, what if you split the cost with 21 other roommates and you all slept in bunk beds? Sure the arrangement probably wouldn’t be strictly legal, but that’s just what a broker is offering in this YouTube video. Pros: Luxury living! You get kitchen utensils! Cons: No drinking. No drugs. Only two bathrooms. You have to sleep in a bunk bed. You might get kicked out for living in an illegally subdivided luxury apartment that’s making one person rich while helping throw off the housing market.

07/23/14 12:38pm

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Hey guys, did you forget? Your year-long lease is up at the end of this month, because you’re still on college time. Don’t worry, Brokelyn’s gotcha covered. This week’s apartment steals feature prices that might actually make you feel like you’re still in college, except the hot plate is a luxury gas stove and you (usually) can’t hear your roommate having sex next door. Ready? Here they are. (more…)

07/21/14 3:19pm
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Your apartment of course, looks just like this. via Marmara Park Avenue

You know how it is when you move to New York City. You call your friends and family back home in Topeka, Iowa or wherever you’re from and they drawl into the phone and ask if your apartment is JUST like the one from Sex in the City or Seinfeld or Girls or The Parent ‘Hood. It’s what people who don’t know any better expect when they come to New York, so of course a new hotel in Manhattan, the Marmara Park Avenue, is pitching themselves as a chance to stay in a real New York apartment. Just, you know, without any of the bad stuff. (more…)

06/25/14 10:24am

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This week, the city voted for a 1% rent increase on all stabilized apartments. Aren’t you glad you don’t live in one? Actually, still sounds nice. Sure you could plot your way into living in one of those, but that’s gonna take you some time. Meanwhile, how about checking out these “very unlikely to not increase” Brooklyn apartments? (more…)

05/28/14 4:02pm

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Bummed you can’t get in on cheap artist housing? Guess you shouldn’t have gotten that sensible graduate degree. Don’t worry, you can still come home to reasonably priced abodes after your day of microkitchen-equipped co-working. This week’s apartments have something for everyone. (more…)

05/14/14 9:18am

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Boy do we ever have your back this week, did you notice? We fixed the Times‘ oversight-ridden coffee map for you, invited you to sit with us at lunch: heck, in the spirit of all that sweet charity, we even went and found you a bunch of new apartments to live in. Here they are, okay? (more…)

04/30/14 12:35pm

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If you can manage to squint through the sheets of rain today, you might catch a glimpse of the real estate market, which is significantly less devastating than it was last time we checked. Right now you can actually live somewhere for $700, and still make it to civilization for your day job. Check out the spots below and tell Mr. Whiskers to take his pick: most of these allow pets. (more…)

04/16/14 1:33pm

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If you haven’t paid your taxes, then maybe you should stop reading and write some last requests, because the IRS is undoubtedly on its way to end your days. But otherwise, hey! Check out these new apartment listings that feature ways for you to get cozy on the cheap while you wait for that tax return, in an exciting new “Look at this Fucking Kitchen” edition!

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04/02/14 2:10pm

Clinton Hill listing 4:2

Winter was a fucking downer but April is looking up. And if you avoid moving into a renovated high-rise, you can be, too! Opt out of the shiny-faucet condo life this spring and check out these lowdown townhouses up for grabs on the market today. Real estate is no stranger to the old saying that good things come in threes, it seems—most of the best deals from our real estate listings this week are on 3-bedroom apts. (more…)

02/18/14 11:42am
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If you made $67,000/year, you’d be home by now. via Flickr user unfauxhemian

You might have become briefly hopeful the other day when we informed you that Bushwick, Crown Heights and Sunset Park were “affordable,” in the sense that you didn’t have to sell your kidneys to afford a place there. Of course, we did point out that you’d need sixty or seventy thousand dollars to pony up for a down payment, but something we hadn’t considered is that you’d need to make that per year if you wanted to own a home here. But, according to mortgage research website HSH, it takes a yearly salary of $66,167.27 to cover your stupid mortgage and its stupid interest payments. Whatever, the exciting renter’s life is much more fun than the boring stability of home ownership anyway. (more…)