Survey shows Manhattanites desperately thirsty for Brooklynites

brooklyn party — Manhattanites see this picture and they almost die of dehydration. Photo by Michael Tapp

To most of you, Manhattan is that place with the buildings where you have to go work and also maybe the place your more touristy friends want you to take them to. Otherwise, it’s not really on your mind. According to the New York Post though, one dating survey says that Brooklyn is constantly on Manhattanites’ minds, or at least our genitals are, with almost 30% of Manhattanites lusting after Brooklyn singles. They must have heard tales of the Brooklyn Bone Zone.

The data comes courtesy of the dating app Clover, who says they analyzed data from 10,000 singles to come to the conclusion that anyone could have also reached when they read this gross dispatch about Williamsburg: Manhattan is thirsty, so very thirsty for Brooklyn and our plaid and beards and bangs and meaningful tattoos and simultaneous air of disaffection and earnestness.

29% of Manhattanites wanted Brooklynites more than they want people in other boroughs, according to the data that Clover studied, and hey why not? Even if you’ve fought your way to the executive suite at Bear Lehman Brothers or whatever, your life is going to keep being empty without a free-spirited artist type to mix you drinks with bitters he made himself or kick her out of your apartment late at night after deciding you’re a tool of patriarchal capitalist oppression. Life is just more wild that way, you know? Anyway, if any Manhattan ladies want to know what’s like to date a Brooklyn dude, we’ve got a guide right here. Hint: he probably won’t come visit.