To be fair, some of us were just shedding our playoff beards. Still, this straight-faced report from The Onion is either a credible Earth B where this happens already or a terrifying vision of the future where the streets of Williamsburg (and Bushwick, get with it guys) are full of discarded facial hair. Plus there’s a great weight-loss tip at the end of the video.

[h/t Free Williamsburg]

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