Old Saint Dick: SantaCon is coming to Bushwick

santacon

Doesn’t matter if you’ve been naughty or nice, these dudes are coming to town, Bushwick. via Flickr user Josh Knowles

Hey Bushwick, what could possibly be worse than being deemed the 7th coolest neighborhood in the world by the glamour ghouls of Vogue? You figured nothing, right? Whoops, wrong! Better get your Grinch faces on, because the annual red-clad vomit, piss and ass-grabbing tornado known as SantaCon is coming to your sleepy industrial hood, to spread good cheer, good vomit, good piss and good ass grabbing all in the name of charity. Truly, a Chrimbus miracle!

Bushwick Daily had the scoop on the annual drunken mob hiding behind the fig leaf of charity coming to Bushwick this year, by way of an email that a Bushwick bar owner sent to them. The email informed the nameless bar owner that SantaCon would be coming their way, and if they’d like to open up and staff up for a New Year’s sized crowd between 10am and 2pm on December 13, they too could weigh the money they make agains the money they lose from having to clean puke out of toilets, booths and in drink glasses. Yep, that’s right, four hours of serving SantaCon attendees on what is otherwise a perfectly lovely Saturday.

What bars exactly are going to say yes to this mess are unknown at this point, but the bar owner who tipped off Bushwick Daily noted that they weren’t doing it. Not that passing up SantaCon filled them with any Christmas cheer. As they told Bushwick Daily, the biggest issue isn’t so much the hosting the Santas as much as it’s “after the bar crawl when it becomes a nightmare. At 4pm when everyone shows up drinking since 10am it’s a mess. Vomit town USA.” Merry Christmas, Bushwick!

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