Now Hiring in BK: TED Talks, By Brooklyn, and more!

Learn how to think, because you've been doing it wrong. Via blog.ted.com, Photo: Bret Hartman

Learn how to think, because you’ve been doing it wrong. Via blog.ted.com, Photo: Bret Hartman

Well Brooklyn, summer is officially in full swing, and that means that you need to get out there and have some fun! Or at least, it would, had you not already blown all your money on outdoor beer gardens and inflatable toys to bring to the beach. With this in mind, to fuel your adventure-laden summer all the way to the end, you’re going to have to find some actual work! Now, where to start? If only there was some trusty blog that not only had listings of every fun thing under the sun in BK, but also a list of awesome jobs that you can get to pay for said fun activities. It’s us. That’s what I’m getting at. Jobs for everybody!

First off, By Brooklyn, the gift shop that is extremely local to our most favorite of boroughs, is looking to bring on a new employee to explain that yes, the good Brooklyn cocktail bitters are over there, but the really good Brooklyn cocktail bitters are in the other corner. The Keyholder position requires minimal retail experience, and more importantly a passion for everything Brooklyn-centric. This is a great job for anyone with some retail background who considers themselves very corporate-phobic. Also, and I’m just assuming here, but if random merchandise with mustaches/birds on it gets on your nerves, maybe apply somewhere else.

This next position involves a little more experience than the typical employment we reference, but it definitely makes up for it with potential awesomeness: TED is looking for a new Staff Writer/Editor to join their team and talk smart to all us dummies. The position requires a fair amount of former journalistic experience, about 5 years, but it pays off in that you get to write about pretty much every interesting subject underneath the sun, as well as rubbing elbows with the intellectual elite. Want to sound smart at every dinner party you go to from now ’til the end of time? Want to hang out at what I can only assume is the smartest office building in Manhattan? Think you can translate the smartest people in the world into quick, pithy blog posts? If so, send in your C.V., although keep in mind Elon Musk has been interning here for like, 9 months now.

This next job is for any woman out there who’s had to put up with a guy saying “I don’t get how that’s sexist,” to the most sexist thing imaginable and not being able to punch him in the throat. Catalyst, a non-profit dedicated to helping women in the workplace, is looking for an Executive Assistant to help their CEO fight for equality of the sexes, both with and without throat-punching. The position involves a lot of organization and office kung-fu, so if you’re currently using those skills for evil (Donald Trump’s PA, we’re looking at you), and would like to use them for good instead, then this is definitely the place to apply.

Brooklyn is cool. This is obvious, as our indie-coffee-shop-to-graphic-designer ratio shows, and it also means that statistically the next greatest musician ever is probably growing up somewhere in this borough. If you’d like to encourage him, and possibly the rest of his 15-piece band, to continue growing up to be awesome, then you definitely want to work at the Brooklyn Conservatory of Music, and you just happen to be in luck: they are currently looking to bring on a new Marketing Associate. This job is very entry-level, requires knowledge of only a few online tools that you should probably know anyways, and involves helping the community, so really, if you’re not applying here, you might as well be living in Yonkers.

Next up, everyone in Brooklyn has been surprised by just how big barbecue has gotten here. Yeah, we all expected to see a nice place to get ribs, maybe a brunch spot that did shrimp-and-grits, but holy hell, Brooklyn is now one of the barbecue capitals of the world. Now, while picking sides in a barbecue fight is just silly (why bicker when you can just have it all?), one of my personal favorites has always been BrisketTown. Daniel Delaney, the proprietor and brisket whisperer, has been crushing it across the board, and if you’d like to get in on the action, now’s the time: Delaney’s taking on fried chicken. Yes, Delaney Chicken is soon to launch, and in need of an Assistant Manager, so if you have a deep and abiding love of southern food and fried birds in particular, this is the man to talk to.

If you happen to be a graphic artist, something tells me that working at an art gallery would be pretty much exactly where you’d like to be, unless the word “artist” means something other than what I think it does. Thankfully, a gallery out in LIC is currently hiring on a Graphic Artist to help with social media, marketing, and, well, art-ing, I guess. If you’ve prettied stuff up in the past, then you’re definitely in line with what these guys are looking for, and if you’re jobless, then all the better, because these guys are looking to hire pretty much ASAP. If only there were creative, artsy, broke people in Brooklyn.

Everybody in New York has their own experience, their own dreams, and their own horrific roommate stories. Yes, while it is a rite of passage to becoming a true New Yorker, if you’d like to help people not have to let out a deep, guttural sigh before they turn their apartment key, then you’re in luck: BK Roommates, a roommate matchmaking service, is currently looking for an Administrative Assistant to help them create true love, or at least mutual acceptance, in apartments all over Brooklyn. The job is pretty much what you’d expect here, involving a lot of office management and dealing with clients and landlords, as well as the added bonus of possibly sparing someone from showing up on moving day and seeing their new roommate conveniently forgot to mention his weird-smelling pet snake.

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