Now Hiring in BK: NYC Ballet, The Verge, Code Academy, more!

This is what everyone wears on Casual Friday, by the way. Via Facebook

This is what everyone wears on Casual Friday, by the way. Via Facebook

In New York City, your job does not define who you are. You are in a city where interesting hobbies and fun people are scattered all over streets like so many rats on a subway line. What I mean to say, is that if you don’t like your job, you can still go out and find a great, productive way to live your life in this great city. However, you will also have to go to your crappy office every morning, so maybe if you don’t want to tell everyone at your rock-climbing gym/macrame classes about how much you hate what you do every day, maybe you should get an amazing job and have the best of both worlds! Where to find such a job, you ask? Well, keep on reading.

First off, I would like to say that there are two kinds of New Yorkers: either the kind that loves being cultured and going to the ballet, or the kind that loves downing picklebacks until 3am nachos. I’d like to say this, but in reality, most people in the city have both of these instincts constantly fighting inside them, and if you think that it’s time for the cultured side to win a round, then good news! NYC Ballet is currently looking for a Digital Content Coordinator to help them get computer-zombies like us to get some damn culture. The job involves a lot of computer know-how, and some client-handling abilities, but the requirements are pretty minimal, so if you’ve got some tech experience and want those 3am nachos to come with ballerinas next time, then jump in.

New York, while being the coolest city in the world, has also the paradoxical achievement of being one of the nerdiest places imaginable. We have our own TARDIS, any number of obscure contests for total weirdos, and more Game Of Thrones viewing parties than you can shake a Needle at. If you consider yourself a nerd, nay, the voice of the nerds, then this is the job for you: The Verge, Vox Media’s outlet for all things technological, upcoming, and science-y, is looking for a Junior Tech Reporter to help them find out exactly when that “Singularity” we’ve all heard so much about is going to happen. The job requires a love of all things tech and pop culture, some previous writing experience (though they’re vague on it!) and some knowledge of computers (which, if you’re interested, you should probably have anyways).

Next job goes out to those who don’t just love food, but are snooty about their food. I know many people today are talking about how they love ramen and cheesy poofs as a backlash to over-fancification, but if you know that there are some times when you just need to drop a C-note on a damn fine meal, then you’re who I’m looking for: Solex Foods, a company you might not have heard of before, is looking for a Sales Assistant. What kind of food do they sell, you ask? Why, only the finest truffles, wild game, exotic seafood and foraged flora you can imagine. If you’ve got some sales experience, a love of food, and an appreciation for the finer things in life, then this job is probably to your tastes.

I have heard that those large, bound stacks of paper that I hold on the subway to look smart in front of other people have some kind of deeper meaning to them, but I can’t be sure as, like my generation, I can only read from things that are glowing. Now, if that sentence made you even a little angry, I think I might have a job for you with many like-minded people: Atria Books, a subdivision of publishing giant Simon & Schuster, a subdivision of media giant CBS, a subdivision of Little Caesar’s Pizza LLC, is looking to hire on an Editorial Assistant who loves non-fiction books and correcting people on they’re grammar. The job involves a reading, editing, and a whole lotta office work, but just imagine, you could have been the one who stopped Twilight from becoming a thing, and the world would have been a better place for it.

There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who dream the future, and those who look at it and see what’s coming. Obviously, the first category is filled with travel agents, cabbies that aren’t self-driving cars, and bloggers, and the second category is filled with people who know computers and can speak Chinese. If you’d like to usher people on to the Noah’s Ark that is the second category, then you’re in luck, because CodeAcademy, the free site that helps teach people how to talk to our new robot overlords, is looking to hire on a Community Manager to help them spread  their binary word to the masses. The job entails communicating with users through all kinds of social media, as well as irl, and the ideal candidate has 1. computer skills, and 2. people skills, so while finding someone with both may be like finding a unicorn, I’m sure there’s one out there to help us all find jobs in the code mines.

Next up we’ve got one for all the photographers out there (and for the love of God, if you either consider your phone your camera or own a nice camera your parents bought you that you’ve never used, you’re not in this category): M. Shanken Communications is looking to hire on an Assistant Photo Editor to help make stuff pretty. Now, you’re probably wondering what you’d be taking photos of, and I’m glad to tell you that Shanken owns several magazines, including Wine Spectator, Cigar Aficionado, and Whiskey Advocate, so the answer is expensive hooch, mainly. When applying for this job, obviously the more photo stuff you know, the better, and if you show up in a cloud of smoke smelling like bourbon and rosé, all the better.

Finally, if your favorite movie was The Devil Wears Prada, and your only complaint about the movie is you can’t understand why Anne Hathaway was “bitching so much,” then you’re in luck, because Eugenia Kim, maker of fine accessories that cost a fortune, is looking for an Administrative Assistant to help with the jobs that they’re all too pretty to do, I guess. While I  doubt that you’ll be facing Meryl Streep-esque levels of bitchcraft, the job does require a lot of organization and the ability to jump in between many different departments, much like a hat that goes with an evening gown or a nice romper.

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