Hello, desperate job-seekers, and welcome to another Wednesday edition of Now Hiring! What’s that? It’s Thursday? Well, it seems I have gone upon another one of my job-hunting binges, resolving in me waking up in the gutter passed out in a puddle of rainwater with five new places of employment. Well, I apologize to you, and to the fifty other hiring companies I interviewed (actually, yelled) at trying to crack exactly how their HR departments worked, but I assure you it is all worth it in the end when I show you the fantastic new job opportunities I’ve found! Now then, I’ll probably just head home. Although, that ad agency on the corner is hiring…
First and foremost, Brokelyn’s good friends the Morbid Anatomy Museum are hiring a part-time Retail/Visitor Services Associate. Imagine that it’s much like working at any other museum, only the questions that you are going to be getting asked will haunt you in your dreams. The position involves the usual upkeep of the joint, along with interacting with customers/future victims, and while it is part-time, the fact that it moves your career of “Real-Life April Ludgate” forward is reason enough to send in your resume, preferably etched into the femur of someone at least reasonably famous.
Next up, we’ve got a fantastic job of someone who has a very special place in her heart for the moments in teen comedies where someone yells “Makeover!”, and would like to share that passion with the rest of the world. Birchbox is currently hiring on a new Copywriter to help them describe all of the latest in fashion trends and makeup innovations. This job is perfect for anyone with a little bit of experience in the copy-editing world, but who yearns for more glamour than writing for “Bass-Fishing Monthly”. The job requires knowing the brand, and ideally every shade of lipstick underneath the sun, but is paid off in great perks, awesome coffee in the office, and, oh yeah, unlimited access to their entire collection of beauty products. If you just felt your heart murmur at the thought of that, send in your CV ASAP.
Have you ever walked into a hotel and thought, “My god, this is beautiful”? Well, then skip to the next segment. If you’ve ever walked into a hotel and thought, “Yeah, but I could do better,” well then congratulations, because a secretive boutique hotel chain is currently looking for a new Design Assistant! The job involves putting in a unique eye for design on all different aspects of the look of the hotel, and while that may sound dreamy, the person who gets this job takes on many different responsibilities all throughout the hotel, and they should be looking to put in some serious work to hold all of those together. Beyond the passion for making things beautiful, the job doesn’t have very many requirements beyond some technical knowledge of design, and remember, even if you are working hard, the beds all have insanely high thread counts and supposedly the room service is taken care of.
Question: Do you love beer? Haha, yeah, I thought you’d get a laugh out of that. Of course you do, and I’m sure the only thing stopping you from drinking it like it’s your job is that it, in fact, is not. Well, if you’re looking to change that, then look no further, because Coney Island Brewing Co. is looking for a new Account Manager to help them spread their sudsy goodness all over Brooklyn. This should be a lay-up for anyone with a good knowledge of beer, Brooklyn, and how to sell just about anything, so if you hit those three categories, then you should definitely send in a resume, since the job has minimal strict requirements and more a focus on finding someone with a true passion. A passion, that is, for telling people to drink beer. I believe in you, friend.
If you’ve been reading this out loud so far, and your rich, buttery voice has attracted the attention of everyone else in the coffeeshop and now they can’t seem to look away, then good news because CBS Radio is currently hiring on some part-time, On-Air Talent (presumably they all just cheered at that)! The job involves curating a “best-of” program for all of their sports content, so if you sound like a dream while screaming at the TV for your favorite team, all the better. They’re looking for some experience and some familiarity with radio equipment (talk into the big fuzzy thing), but if you’ve got that together and you’re looking to break into a field where you get to talk about everything you love on the field, then this is your chance to get into the big show. Also, the ad says you have to be “detailoriented,” so if you can promise not to make those kinds of mistakes, I guess that’d be a plus.
Next post is specifically for people who are bonkers about brie, crazy about camembert and gonzo for gorgonzola: Beecher’s Cheese is currently hiring on a Brand Ambassador/Sales Assistant! The position involves a lot of B2B of C2C (that’s “Cheese to Client”), so what they’re looking for here is basically someone with some previous sales experience and a serious love of all things formerly-milk. The job involves a lot of necessary travel, too, so expect to be out and about a lot meeting all of the clients of Beecher’s and pushing your wares at demos and meetings. While many may balk at the chance to drive upstate with a block of fragrant Roquefort you plan on tasting later, the true cheese-heads will understand, and hopefully apply soon.
Bartenders are by nature a transient type: traveling all over the world, looking for the next great challenge and the next great cocktail to be slung. Well, if you happen to be in New York, happen to be a craft bartender, and happen to be itching for a change, how about teaming up with a culinary titan of the field? Bobby Flay, one of the most famous chefs on the planet and leprechaun who spent all his gold on cooking lessons, is currently looking for Bartenders at his newest establishment, Gato. Now, say what you will about the man and his showboating, and well, shows, but he knows how to seriously cook, and he’s looking for someone who can make some serious drinks to match. I imagine that the tips here would be nothing short of insane, so if you’re looking for a challenge that can make you a better bartender and a richer one, too, at the same time, then this could very well be it. Plus, who knows, you may get a TV deal or three out of it.
Finally, if you happen to be working in the world of print media, then you’re probably a pretty smart person. You know what smart people love? Architecture. While most common men stare up at a beautifully designed building and ask if they can throw a penny off the roof, smart men and women can appreciate the time and creativity put into it, and if you’re a smart person who wants to appreciate that professionally, look no further: Architecture Digest is currently hiring a Production Associate. The job requires a few years of serious publishing background, as well as a burning passion for that most subtle of art forms, and while it is a niche, it’s an extremely cool one, and if there’s one thing I know about Brokelyn readers, it’s that we’re woefully unemployed and will lie about our interests and our pasts to get jobs. Of course, if you happen to be qualified and interested, all the better!
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