Look, the general condition of mankind is pretty simple to sum up in general: we generally want more. If we’ve got 3 giant hoagies, why not make a fourth? A fantastic iPhone? Why not an iPad to match? We are always looking for the next big, great thing to come along, and the fact that you’ve had your job for as long as you’ve had it without never once wondering what else could be out there is worrying. Seriously dude, it’s creeping me out. Are you even human, or just some kind of elaborately-constructed Terminator? Well, not like this is a huge test if you’re a robot or not or anything, but I’m just going to leave this list of awesome new jobs opening up in New York here, and whether or not you want to scan through it is up to you and your big, potentially cyborg brain.
Do you consider yourself a tech-head? Do you have all of the coolest, most up-to-date gadgets all clipped unashamedly to your belt? Well, I’m here to let you know to cut it out with the belt-clipping thing, nobody likes that. If you happen to want to tell people exactly what kind of cool tech stuff to buy though, Laptop and Tom’s Guide would like a word with you, as they are currently hiring on a full-time Staff Writer. The job entails a lot of tech writing, which should be fairly obvious, and only requires 1-2 years of experience, so if you’re into the way of the future, the way of the future, the way of-sorry, then send in an application (preferably via drone) today!
Alright, so applying for one tech job is always a good thing, but what if you don’t get it? Only amateurs send out one resume at a time. You’ve got to play the field, make sure you’ve got all of your bases covered! Luckily, I happen to be doubling down on this particular edition of Now Hiring, so if you’re into writing for Tom’s Guide, you should also check out this Technology Reporter position being offered up over at Tech Times. Again, the position is looking for around 2 years of experience, but you could always hack into that database at that job you had for a month and a half and change it, right?
Do you work as a sandwich artist? Do you grow tired of the daily routine? Do you think you’ve finally graduated to the position of…wizard? Well, good news because The Meat Hook Sandwich Shop is currently hiring on for a new Sandwich Wizard to join them in their crazy antics and generally have fun and make killer sandwiches. While normally sandwich maker wouldn’t fit in with our high standards of job-finding, The Meat Hook people are all insanely fun dudes to hang out with, as you can tell within five minutes of visiting the shop, and any job advertisement that requires you love “sandwiches, Mitch Hedberg, and beers” is fine by me.
Media and restaurants go together in New York like a bagel and a nice schmear. New Yorkers always love talking about the newest, hottest restaurant, and if you’d like to be the one guiding this conversation, then good news for you: Baltz and Co., one of the premiere Restaurant PR firms, is currently looking for a new Community Manager. The job requires a few year’s experience monitoring social media, and some serious kung-fu when it comes to your Instagram and Pinterest skills, but if you consider yourself media-savvy and ready to tweet about what restaurant is totally the place to be this week, then this is definitely the spot for you.
Would you like a job where you talk about bacon? Just bacon, and how bacon is great and delicious? And then, eventually, you’d get to eat large amounts of said bacon you were talking about? Now, if at this point you are angrily yelling at your screen, “YES, OBVIOUSLY!,” well, I’m glad to hear it, because Great Big Food Events is looking to hire on a new Senior Account Executive to help plan their next event, The Great Big Bacon Picnic. The job is basically hunting down restaurants to participate in these giant food bonanzas, which should be easy so long as you don’t end up grabbing the owners by the shoulders and shaking them repeatedly screaming “Bacon!” Even then, though…
If you consider yourself a home design expert, if your Pinterest is on that next level of awesome, and if design is generally what you live and breathe, then congratulations, because you are all but perfect for the new Designer position at hOmE Studios, which I can only imagine is the prettiest office in the entire world. These guys design just about everything under the sun, including just about every damn bar and restaurant in Brooklyn, so expect some insane after-work drink specials. Send in your resume with your Instagram and a proficiency in design software, and you, too, could be designing the next sleek, all-wood bar with old-timey farming equipment on the walls.
Finally, what do you think cocktails need? If you happened to say, “More tea!” well, then that was an awfully specific guess, and at this one point, it’s a miraculously good one. Owl’s Brew, makers of fine teas created with the sole purpose of being added into cocktails, are looking to bring on a new member to join the team as an Assistant. The position involves a high level of organizational skills, as well as some basic computer knowledge, but beyond that, if you’re constantly pouring bourbon into your earl grey, then this position’s right for you. Wait, maybe actually stop doing that.