Ah, springtime in the city. It’s a magical time of year, reminding us of the winter hell-scape come to past, and the burning sweatbaths that await us in the near future. In these perfect moments, stuck between the mirroring unpleasantness of New York weather extremes, it seems like the days can go on forever. However, if your job sucks and makes you want to smash a window, that might not be a good thing. Lucky for you, it sounds like the solution to your problem is to simply find a new, better job, which is even simpler when we here are Brokelyn bring you some of the best career opportunities hiring this week. Cherish this time instead of dreading your job, because soon enough you’ll be sweating puddles in the subway station and cursing the bastard who invented “sleeves.”
First up: Do you love art? Do you consider yourself at all “cordial”? Sorry to break it to you, but if your response was “Fuck yeah!”, then this might not be the job you’re looking for. The Frick Collection, one of the most famous art collections in the world, is looking to hire on a Membership Assistant to help them on their noble quest to stop people from drawing dicks on priceless classics. The job is really all about managing the people signed up for memberships, including sending “thank-you” notes, and checking in guests for fancy parties. The requirements are fairly simple, maybe with a few interesting computer requirements, but if you’ve got some previous experience and some of that, whaddyacallit, culture, then this job should be easy to land. No, you shouldn’t wear your Knicks jersey to the interview.
How do you feel about robots? Wait, no, silly question of course, the answer is obviously “an uncomfortable mix of awe and pure dread at their mighty metal brains.” Well, if you’re at all interested in helping our future generations tame these mechanical titans, then good news, because Brooklyn Robot Foundry, the place where children learn advanced robotics I couldn’t figure out, is hiring on an Office Manager. The job, unsurprisingly, requires a lot of organization, which makes me wonder why they couldn’t just build something to do this, but it also involves helping manage children’s birthday parties, which when planned by robots, tend to end up as human slave camps. The job is also part-time, and perfect for parents looking to get some work done while the kids are at school, so if you’ve got some time to kill and some children to impress with a home-made Furby, this is the job for you.
Now, contrary to my own opinions, I have been told by numerous people at various times that people aren’t all selfish hate-monsters. If you consider yourself one of these legendary “good people”, who wants to “help” those “in need” and not “steal change from old ladies”, then I suppose I have a job for you, if you even exist. The Open Society Foundations are hiring on a Program Associate to help them make tomorrow un-sucky. The Foundation is actually a global network of foundations with quite a few different goals, but all of them rotating around government accountability and civil rights, which are both things you should be in favor of. The job itself is a lot of coordination between groups and grant request management, and requires a bit of specialized experience (including “counter-terrorism familiarity,” and no, watching that season of Homeland doesn’t count), but if helping people was easy, then everyone’d be doing it.
Next up, if you’ve been doing this whole “internet” thing right, and I’d like to think you have been, you’ve spent at least most of your time here screaming opinions about pop culture to anyone or anything that will listen, but the thing is, if you haven’t been being paid for it, you’re doing it all wrong. Thankfully, The New York Post is here to change that, since they are currently hiring on a full-time Entertainment Writer to let the world know what movies, music, and tv shows are good, and which are horrible, because god forbid they try that on their own. Ideally they’re looking for someone with some real experience writing about this kind of stuff, and contacts to the agents of the stars can only help you. Just watch out for the Christmas parties at that office, from what we hear they really know what they’re doing.
Do you consider yourself fashionable? Are you incredibly fit? Would you describe yourself as “outgoing?” Are you single? Wait, sorry, never mind that last one. If you said yes to the first three, though, then you’re exactly who YOGASMOGA is looking for to be their next Junior Marketing Analyst. YOGASMOGA, in case you couldn’t guess by the name, makes fashionable workout and yoga clothes, and they’re looking for someone to boost their brand until they’re on every toned butt in America. Beyond previous marketing experience and a love of all things yoga, the requirements for this job are somewhat lax, so if you think you’ve got the moves and all you’re missing are the fancy pants, now’s the time to get your gym wardrobe to the next level.
Would you say you love photography? Do you like being around photographers? Could you talk about photography until most other people in the same room as you become annoyed and start pelting you with objects? If so, then good news: Redux Pictures is looking to hire on an Editorial Photography Representative to help manage their stable of talent. The job is pretty similar to representing any other sort of talent, with the key skills being managing your clients, contract negotiation, and finding new talent, and all that’s required is previous experience in the photography industry. So, if you feel that you have the eye and can find, and successfully manage, the next big thing, then send in your head-shot (of someone else).
If you’re looking to break into the New York art gallery scene, then you’ve probably already realized that it’s a pretty tough business to find a way into. Turns out, every Art major in the Northeast decided they’d all head to one city and fight for a handful of jobs. However, if you’re lucky enough to have been raised by parents of a Soviet persuasion, you may be in luck. The Shchukin Gallery, which specializes in modern Russian art, is looking to bring on a Gallery Assistant, preferably one that speaks Russian. That means that if you’re looking to break into the art world, speak Russian, are computer-literate, and can deal with whatever batshit-craziness Russian artists can manage, then this is your time to shine.
Finally, planning on dressing up like a zombie and walking around today? Don’t do it for free like a chump, get paid to do it! Also, find a new hobby.