Now Hiring in BK: Comedy Central, Superiority Burger, more!

Pretty good, for something that didn't even have a soul. via Facebook — Pretty good, for something that didn’t even have a soul.
via Facebook

Welcome, one and all, to another edition of Now Hiring in BK, the column where I scour the internet for the best/most fun/conversation-starting-est jobs out there on the market, and you go out and get them! Remember, no matter what you’re doing for money or how you ended up doing it, any time you see a job posting that makes you say, “Whoa, that would be an awesome place to work,” and you don’t send in a resume right then and there, it’s pretty much tantamount to tossing a baseball at the crotch of your future self, and your future self doesn’t deserve that. So, if you want to actually help your future self instead, to the point where they’re sitting on a fancy boat instead of writhing in pain, send in an application to some of these sweet jobs, and maybe get a gym membership or something.

First up we have one for people who love to laugh, but love to tweet “LOL” more: Comedy Central is looking to hire on a Multiplatform Marketing Assistant to make sure that their social media has the most dick jokes, which if you’ve seen social media you know is a Herculean task. Basically, the job requires producing content for everything from their Twitter to their Youtube channels, and remember that not all of it can be you getting drunk and crying about Jon Stewart leaving over and over again. The job requires minimal previous experience in the social media game, some working knowledge of computer stuff, and some seriously killer Twitter handles, but if you’ve ever wanted to get paid to Instagram Cartman’s farts, then this is your time to shine.

Next, I know it seems difficult to get experience working with animals in the city, (breaking up fights at Hank’s doesn’t count) but if you happen to have some animal experience, and possess the most basic human needs to pet seals and dolphins at work all day, then you’re in luck, because The New York Aquarium is currently hiring on Zoo Keepers to help them with their devastating penguin overstock! Like I said, the job requires some animal training, although surprisingly only about a year’s worth, and beyond that it looks like you’ll be doing most of your learning on the job, so if you don’t have any clue at all exactly what a starfish eats, then don’t worry, nobody else does either.

Now, if you’ve been paying attention to the New York restaurant scene, you may have noticed a weird anomoly: In a landscape of restaurants obsessed with coating things with bacon and uni, the most-buzzed-about restaurant in NYC right now happens to be completely vegetarian, and its name is Superiority Burger. Is it weird, that a vegetarian burger shack is running circles around its meatier cohorts? Absolutely. Do the burgers live up to the hype? Hell yes, they do. If you’d like to get with the group that’s taking the “meat” out of “team”, then good news, because they’re hiring for all positions now, and with this job not only will you be working at the coolest restaurant du jour, but you’ll have millions of cows indebted to you for life.

As someone who frequently walks around New York City, I can safely say that it seems like the ratio of supermodels who have just stumbled off a runway somewhere to ordinary people (AKA: tourists) is roughly 10 to 1 in favor of the supermodels, which means that with that many well-dressed people running around there has got to be someone in between fashion jobs right now, which is lucky for them because Solid & Striped is currently looking for a new Assistant Designer to help them design sexy beach clothes, because before them beach clothes were obviously not sexy enough. The job requires a “proper design background” and typical fashion-y skills, but if you’ve been training for the chance to make some good-looking people into really, really good-looking people, then this is your big break.

Now then, if you read the last paragraph and were wondering, “What is fashion?” or, “What is a beach?” then you might also be very into video games, which is a great thing to be into because Equity Arcade, a gaming media channel that covers the business-y end of the video game industry, is looking to add to their party. Specifically, they are looking for a Content Marketing Manager who can create a constant flow of media about the gaming world, so the job would mainly entail doing interviews, playing the latest video games, and telling the internet what you think of them, which kinda sounds like they’re just looking to hire the middle-schooler in all of us. The job’s formal requirements are minimal, but some experience blogging, some social media, and a true love for video games would all be helpful in applying. Also, if you could get your CV into a wooden chest and pay pay a guy to dress up like an orc and fight them for the key to it, they’d probably like that, too.

Next up, many people take jobs because of the joy that they allow them to bring to other people. People become doctors to help the sick, or entertainers to make people laugh. Now, that’s all well and good, but do those jobs make people smile as much as a hot, delicious kolache right out of the oven? No, no they don’t, especially if that kolache happens to be from Brooklyn Kolache Co., and if you’d like to help them spread their cheer, then send it a resume because they are currently hiring on Bakers to help them spread the joy of kolaches (Texan-style turnovers filled with delicious goodness, Google it and then remember to wipe the drool off your keyboard). It’s a great team using local ingredients, so if you consider yourself a baker and want to work at a fun shop, this looks like the place to be.

I usually like to try to include a few posts for artists on these jobs round-ups, which can be a little challenging since a lot of their ads are somewhat vague, and this latest one is no exception: an Artist in downtown Manhattan is looking to hire on a new Assistant to help him in his studio. While the ad doesn’t say who he is, it does list the media you might be asked to work with, including origami and rope-making, so let’s hope you were paying attention in Boy Scouts/your time as a geisha. What’s not vague, however, is that you’ll be the third assistant at the studio, meaning that there are at least two people who agree this job is pretty sick, and that the pay is pretty awesome considering it’s an artsy gig, so if you’re one of the many artists in New York pulling minimum wage and shitty tips, start working on your rope-making now.

Finally, Penthouse Magazine is looking for a Photo Researcher

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