Micro-waves, microgentrification and 8 other tiny things you didn’t know about

Were you having a regular conversation that was rudely interrupted by a Macklemore track? You've experienced microgrentrification

Were you having a regular conversation that was rudely interrupted by a Macklemore track? You’ve experienced microgrentrification

Small-batch, single origin, made-to-order… in a globalized world made for the masses, small and locally available quantities of things really turn us on—especially in Brooklyn. You’ve undoubtedly heard plenty of talk about microbreweries, micro-kitchens, micro-apartments and microblogging. If you’re extra cool, you might have heard of things like microaggression or the self-proclaimed ‘micromuseum‘ on Union Street dedicated entirely to the Gowanus Canal. In the spirit, we here at Brokelyn thought it’d be pretty nice to hook you up with some more micro-slang to impress your Brooklyn-based buddies at your next small-batch social gathering.

Micro-wave (v.): To give a greeting gesture so meek and disaffected that your friends automatically respect you more.
E.g. “Yo dude, you totally just microwaved at your douchey old boss across the bar. Way to play it smooth.”  

Microsoft (adj.): Used to describe high-thread-count, natural-fibre garments sourced from small pioneer communities in Upstate New York.
E.g. “This Bill Gates-themed T-shirt is so microsoft.”
Yeah, you can really feel all the Amish tears that went into the weaving of his facial features.”

Microgentrification (n.): The subtle addition of Macklemore into the background of any social situation.
E.g. “And then I backpacked across—-wait, did someone just put on ‘Thrift Shop’?” 

Micro-phone (n.): Tiny cellular devices used as walkie talkies across the borough.
E.g. “Jenny just paged me on her microphone. Vintage pop-up at Berry & N. 8th. Let’s move, people!”

Microinjustice (n.): A small but constant irritant in your life, usually happening somewhere in Brooklyn. 
E.g. The fact that the G train still has only four cars.

Micromugging (n.): 1. A shakedown that consists of getting robbed of $10 or less. 2. See also “not tipping”.

Microshot (n.): a quantity of espresso so small you can’t actually SEE it.
“Hey, can I get a double microshot latté?”
“Yeah, but it’s going to look like a cup of hot milk.”
“I know.”
“Ok, $6.” 

Microschool (n.): Ibid. 

Microcleansing (v.): consists of eating a single leaf of kale, tossing back a few shakes of crushed red pepper at 2 Bros Pizza, and then calling it a day.
“Did you microcleanse this morning? Your tongue looks smoother.”
“Yeah, I did actually.”
“Cool. I noticed.”
“Yeah.”  

Microlennial (n.): Anyone born 1983 or later who read this and thought, “Oh yeah, that makes sense.”