Lousy millennials making macrobrew awesomely irresponsible

miller fortune

SAMUEL JACKSON MILLER FORTUNE: IT’LL GET YOU DRUNK! via Facebook

Millennials. Is there anything these coddled spoiled crybabies touch that doesn’t turn to shit (that wasn’t already shit due to massive mismanagement before them)? Then again, it probably isn’t millennials’ fault that advertisers keep going to ridiculous lengths to appeal to them. Except in the case of artisan hot pockets, which is totally their fault. But now, because they party better than any generation that’s come before them, mostly by drinking a ton of liquor, Miller has introduced a 7% alcohol beer that they think will appeal to millennials because of advertising. And not the whole “7% alcohol and so very cheap” thing.

Miller Fortune, as the beer is known because it has to be named something, is supposed to draw millennials away from hard liquor. Under the auspices of classing up their brand with fancy black bottles and running ads about how the beer will change the course of your night and make you more mysterious, Miller will hit hard liquor where it hurts: in the alcohol content.

Why the introduction of a 7% alcohol beer? Miller is concerned that millennials are being drawn to spirits because of things like Mad Men and not say, the fact that their normal cheap beer doesn’t actually get you drunk the way a cheap handle of vodka does. Hey, fine with us as long as it’s as cheap the way that macrobrew beer usually is. If they come out with a version of it in an AmeriCan, you can bet you’ll see us drinking it.