Laugh with (not at) Janeane Garofalo and 16 other free ways to spend the week

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If you’ve been wondering where Janeane Garofalo’s been, she’s been hiding behind this bench the whole time

1. Get some culture by hearing a play about a haunted prize claw machine read at the Bushwick Starr’s monthly reading series (Monday)

2. It’s hip to be a square, as a wise man once said, so Muchmore’s comedy variety show Cube must be some kind of ultra-hip thing to do (Monday)

3. Help make the world’s largest-ever paper heart chain at West Elm in DUMBO. Not just for the record, you glory hound, but because it helps raise money for St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital (Tuesday)

4. Learn what desiccated old fossils the Rolling Stones have to say about each and every one of the many guitars they’ve used at a release party for Rolling Stones Gear at BookCourt (Tuesday)

5. Members of Anitbalas and the show Fela! will be at Splitty to help you shake your butt and maybe melt some of this snow with your butt-shaking heat (Tuesday)

6. See Reflections Unheard: Black Women in Civil Rights, a film about black women’s struggles to be heard in feminism. Because otherwise, #solidarityisforwhitewomen (Wednesday)

8. The Hillary 2016 machine is running at full strength, so learn how it happened when Jonathan Allen and Amie Parnes talk about their Hillary comeback book HRC (Wednesday)

8. Primatologist Mary Blair will be at the Secret Science Club, hopefully to explain why you can’t rely on “Well we’re just like monkeys” evolutionary biology crap when talking about men and women (Wednesday)

9. It’s time for more Beer Geek Trivia at Glorietta Baldy. Because as long as you keep drinking, you may as well prove it’s making you smart in some way (Wednesday)

10. The Cause B Show wants there to be less cool and more community, so they’re doing a comedy show to raise money for Williamsburg community and cultural center Northside Town Hall (Wednesday)

11. A Place Both Wonderful and Strange, the beautiful weirdos behind the Robyn dance parties, are DJing a soundtrack to what happens at the end of Twin Peaks at Videology (Thursday)

12. Music and images from Japan and beyond will take center stage at Baby’s All Right in Williamsburg, and you may as well go since it’s the closest you’ll get to a far away vacation for awhile (Thursday)

13. Dave Hill and Janeane Garofalo will help provide some laffs to celebrate coffee table book Funny Business at WORD (Thursday)

14. Freddy’s is celebrating Valentine’s Day with soul music and giveaways, which has to be a better free V-Day idea than crying and eating Saltines (Friday)

15. Seduce a crowd with your sweet moves at Legion’s Big Plain Dance-Off. Note: You will be dancing in disguise. Just more totally normal stuff from the mind of Jo Firestone (Friday)

16. See the only relationship weirder than yours when Videology screens Harold and Maude. You can also pay for chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne, but we say use the money to be your lady a champagne of beers (Friday)

17. Head On is pitting love against lust in a competition that we think is a no-brainer. Because without lust, love ain’t shit (Friday)