To be perfectly honest, I’m still not entirely over the Rangers/Kings Stanley Cup Final. It’s nice to not have a beard as it gets hotter, it’s less nice to deal with drunken party monster Jeff Carter kissing the Stanley Cup instead of Brian Boyle kissing it. Still, I was getting over it, until L.A. mayor Eric Garcetti decided to call Gray’s Papaya hot dogs “a steaming pile of New York garbage,” after Bill de Blasio honored one of those stupid mayoral bets and delivered a bunch to Jimmy Kimmel’s show.
Beyond the fact that he didn’t do jack shit to help the Kings win, Garcetti couldn’t even show the humility in winning that Alec Martinez and Justin Williams did and just eat a goddamn hot dog. Man, screw you. Don’t come around for the DNC in 2016. Don’t come begging our deep-pocketed liberal donors for money if you run for national office. Stay out of New York City, because if there’s any justice in the world, you won’t be able to walk more than a block at a time without someone launching a dirty water dog fully loaded with mustard and sweet onions right at your crisp suit, you lousy fucking pretty boy.