How to settle the jorts vs. cargo shorts debate once and for all

Dogs wear jorts, not cargo pants. Photo via @radswagg on Instagram.

Ask a dog: jorts, or cargo shorts? Photo via @radswagg on Instagram.

On Monday, writer Nicole Hong penned a piece for the Wall Street Journal about how women are fed up with their husbands wearing cargo shorts. This stirred up controversy among readers, igniting the Cargo Shorts Wars of 2016, as Hong is calling them, which only further escalated on Twitter after this Washington Post hot take shed light on the country-wide schism that exists between jorts people and cargo shorts people.

We at Brokelyn expressed ages ago that we are pro-jorts. We’ve taken a firm stance and there’s nothing that could sway us. But for those of you who are still up in arms about what you should or shouldn’t stick your legs into, might we suggest looking to man’s best friend for guidance, as has been humanity’s pastime for tens of thousands of years? Ask yourself, what side would a dog take in this hot debate?

We did the leg-work, scouring Instagram to find out how the shorts struggle manifests in the dog world. To get a fresh, other-species perspective on this deeply contentious issue, we selected canine contenders from Team Jorts and Team Cargo Shorts to answer the question, who wore it better? Behold, dogs in jorts, vs. dogs in cargo shorts:

THE COMPETITORS FOR TEAM JORTS:

________

Photo via @valfortunel on Instagram.

Love your country, in jorts. Photo via @valfortunel on Instagram.

________

Photo via @anicoleday on Instagram.

Just be yourself, in jorts. Photo via @anicoleday on Instagram.

________

Photo via @marikotamaki on Instagram.

Rock that retro vibe, too. Photo via @marikotamaki on Instagram.

________

I mean, it's just more comfortable. Photo via @yerbison on Instagram.

I mean, it’s just more comfortable. Photo via @yerbison on Instagram.

________

Photo via @winston_frenchieface on Instagram.

It’s a known fact that dogs wearing denim are gentler with toddlers. Photo via @winston_frenchieface on Instagram.

________

Mom shorts too! Photo via @alexandoso on Instagram.

Dogs look great in mom shorts too! Photo via @alexandoso on Instagram.

________

Photo via @mir____ry on Instagram.

Even if they’re not sure how to wear them. Photo via @mir____ry on Instagram.

________

Photo via @orcasobi on Instagram.

Jorts get you ready for the Avril Lavigne concert. Photo via @orcasobi on Instagram.

________

Photo via @nudiejeans on Instagram.

And help accentuate your effortless beach hair. Photo via @nudiejeans on Instagram.

THE COMPETITORS FOR TEAM CARGO SHORTS:

The only cargo shorts that a dog would be caught dead wearing, across the entire Internet and the world—and not even as pants!—is this pair, repurposed into a D.I.Y. vest:

_________

Photo via Lifehacker.

Photo via Lifehacker.

That settles it! What’s right for a dog is right for a man is right for America. Let’s wear our jorts proudly and never talk about cargo shorts again!