Why haven’t we been invited to Brooklyn’s secret sex house?

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This is happening at a house in Brooklyn. Well, with people, no ninja turtles. via Flickr user novocainstain

It’s winter, and it’s as bad a winter as we’ve had in a while. So the best way to deal with it is finding warmth in the arms of another person. Or maybe two dozen people, because it’s turns out there’s a SECRET SEX HOUSE somewhere in Brooklyn that holds secret sex parties once a month. You guys can have your outrage about $7 lattes. We want to know why we haven’t been invited to the goddamn sex house.

According to Megan Rose Dickey of Business Insider, the sex house is beautiful brick row house with hardwood floors, black granite countertops and oh yeah, a once-a-month party featuring 150 people screwing or contemplating screwing. The use of the house is donated by a rich sugar daddy every month, and the sex party, thrown by a dude calling himself Mr. Sparks, draws from an exclusive email list made up by the party’s organizer. We want to know why the hell why we don’t pass muster.

Just look at the smorgasbord of dudes we have here. All of whom would classify themselves as “awesomesexual,” which is a sexual identification that can be found at Sparks parties. And with a big mix of professionals showing up to the parties, they could probably use some irresponsible party-starters, some of whom live in Brooklyn’s Bone Zone. But no, instead they’re too busy being exclusive jerks and only inviting a select few people to rub genitals with each other. Well fine. We’ll just start our own stupid sex party then. As soon as we find a rich guy with a big house he wants to donate to the cause.

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