How to speak Brokelynese

dictionaryThe Daily News just unearthed from Craigslist maybe the biggest Brooklyn compliment ever. A London travel firm is looking for freelance “Interpreters of Brooklyn English” to help out blank-staring foreigners and out-of-towners who show up here and find our little pizza slice of the English language an “unexpected challenge.” In the spirit of international diplomacy, we thought we ‘d offer a handy little guide to our own native language, Brokelynese, heard only at rock-bottom happy hours, dumpster dives, late night clothing swaps and other low-budget environments.

Commute: Touchpad sliding distance between “jobs” and “free” on Craigslist home page.

House: Seven-person compartment where you debate dream vacation: prison solitary vs. Helen Keller-state.

Appetizer: Gush of scented air from just-opened Ramen Noodle container.

Neighborhood: Radius from “house” crappy bike will travel before shedding back wheel.

Weekend: Blessed, socially-acceptable period for sloth-like state.

Work-out: Repeated touchpad slide between “jobs” and “free” on Craigslist home page.

Health Insurance: Vaguely theoretical reason to remove WebMD from bookmark list.

Television: Object voted “Best snow globe in the apartment” since digital signal changeover.

Lucky day: Last Wednesday, when fire-escape-farming-neighbor left town without picking vine-ripe tomatoes. Score!

Know any Brokelynese yourself? Add to our repertoire in comments. And be sure to help out any uncomprehending tourists wandering the streets.

One Comment

  • I was wondering who stole my tomatoes. Just be aware that my “fertilizer” was found on the sidewalk. Yes, that was a hint of German Shepherd in your ramen-tomato concoction.