Jersey strong

The more things change, the more things stay the same, except for Hannah, I guess. Her life is facing a slew of changes, and it seems like she’s not only changing too, but changing for the best.

We begin with a very typical salad dinner for Marnie that Hannah has orchestrated to tell her about her pregnancy. (Literally the only carb Marnie could stand at dinner is Hannah’s bun in the oven.) Shockingly, Marnie takes the news of Hannah’s impending motherhood pretty well. It’s not until they disagree over informing the father that the typical sharp edges of their friendship show through.

But Marnie is a small bother compared to Adam and Jessa. He’s been blowing up Hannah’s phone trying to get her to watch his terrible, insufferable, impossibly-quickly made short film about their relationship. When calling doesn’t work, he goes full Bug a Boo, showing up outside her door. He begs her to watch the film, but she’s busy! She’s got deadlines and salad dates and, oh yeah, a BABY to deal with.

When Jessa hears about this news, she ambushes Hannah at home, confronting her about being pushed out of her life, but, you know what? Hannah is done with her (and it just might be the best decision Hannah’s ever made, tbh). Jessa does not take this well.

Hannah’s also getting some headaches from her dad’s partner. You remember, that Gay.com hookup from season five? Apparently, they really hit it off. This guy is pretty adamant about Hannah contacting the baby daddy, eventually leading to Hannah later reconsidering her stance. She tries to phone Paul-Louis, but can’t seem to track him down. Is this just what happens when you fuck someone you have no mutual Facebook friends with?

She does eventually watch Adam’s film, and I guess she has feelings about it? Ho boy.

What does this face MEAN?
What does this face MEAN?

One thing Hannah has going for her was Elijah’s pretty quickly rendered apology. He went from saying the worst possible things in a Chinese restaurant’s kitchen to inviting her to a hot dog-taco party in his underwear. Now he’s calling it “our kid.” Not only is he a dad to be, but after running lines with a co-worker, he might be picking up some acting work.

Meanwhile, Marnie. Good god, Marnie. She booked her and Desi’s act at her mom’s friend’s birthday in New Jersey. Could that sound worse? Of course, Desi shows up wasted. Lucky for Marn, her mom steps in, and the result is beyond mortifying. While everyone else is showing signs of maturity, is there any redemption for Marnie?

Probably not!

Let’s teach the children to have great skin and be the right kind of slutty with the moments from last night we loved so much we can’t even and the parts that were so ridiculous we can’t even below.

We Can’t Even

Girls, they're just like us?
Girls, they’re just like us?

Is this the most likable/relatable we’ve ever seen Hannah? She accepts Elijah’s apology with minimal drama, makes the right choice to keep Jessa cut out from her life and she even shuts down Marnie’s fake know-it-all with aplomb (“You don’t know 100 babies”).

You know what really resonated with me? “This is like when everyone was telling me I had to watch The Wire. I didn’t want to watch The Wire. I don’t care about that show.”

The song honestly isn't any worse than if Desi were singing, right?
The song honestly isn’t any worse than if Desi were singing, right?

Marnie’s “performance” was perfectly cringey. I love watching Marnie suffer, of course, but watching her mom in action (Rita Wilson was excellent) actually helped shed some light into why Marnie is the way she is (which is terrible).

Look, it's my blog, and I'll be pervy if I want to.
Look, it’s my blog, and I’ll be pervy if I want to

Obligatory Andrew Rannells pantsless shot.

Fine leather goods.
Fine leather goods

Speaking of Elijah, his assertion “Anyone who is buying leather gloves after six is a goddamn murderer” is super true.

We Can’t Even

Dad4Dad
Dad4Dad

Boy, things certainly moved quickly for Hannah’s dad and that hookup. They’ve gone from the typical “hey” “hey” “into?” type talk right into giving parental advice? Slow it down, boys! Keep it light, keep it sexy! Less playing papa and more playing with poppers.

Back to K'un-Lun with you
Back to K’un-Lun with you

I feel like Desi is getting his whole lewk from early episodes of Netflix’s Iron Fist.

If you have to use The Force, then it isn't consent!
If you have to use The Force, then it isn’t consent!

The only thing worse than making a rushed, self-indulgent film about your failed relationship with a mentally unstable young person is then trying to force that person to watch it. That’s some Kylo Ren-level evil shit.

Boo! Hiss!
Boo! Hiss!

Also: HOLY SHIT THAT MOVIE LOOKS TERRIBLE. Even for a movie that went from concept to picture-lock (and maybe even color corrected and sound mixed) in a matter of what? weeks?, it still looks like a steaming pile. Good luck with the fests, guys.

What did you think of last night’s episode? And where the hell is Shoshanna?

Related Articles

1

Itching to write a thought piece about how Brooklyn is beautiful, dead, and everything in between? Here are some pro tips.

0

What's spookier than a family of monsters? Brooklyn rents.

0

Brokelyn spends a day on the set of HBO's 'Crashing.'

1

Naming your purebred Golden Doodle Rosa Parks is in fact offensive and tone deaf and in no way makes you a more welcome area resident.

NO COMMENTS

Leave a Reply