Lay in bed for more than two months. For space research

Love lying around in bed all day? You should think twice about that, there’s so much life to live out there and you’e not gonna see it from your bed. Anyway, for once, your ability to spend a lot of time in bed could be a benefit, since NASA will needs some folks to stay in bed for 70 straight days for space research. Yep, you heard that right, space research. After all, someone has to collect some data to plan those one-way trips to Mars.

The bed rest study sounds like one of those endless Federal boondoggles lousy Democrats are always dreaming up for us at first, but it’s actually pretty legit. Astronauts are busy people, busy enough to not be able to lie in bed for 70 days at a time, so NASA gets volunteers to see what weightlessness does to the human body. Lying in a bed at an angle tilted with your head towards the ground simulates living without gravity, and lets NASA see the effects said environment will have on your body. Nothing extreme though, beyond the whole 70 days in bed thing. We doubt you’ll turn to mush while you lie there.

Still, if you sign up for the study, remember that you’re signing up to lie in bed for 70 straight days. Not much you can do just lying in bed for weeks on end, short of watch TV, read, stare at the internet and masturbate. And we’d bet that masturbating would be hard in this environment. Still, volunteers are compensated and you could sublet your room to collect money you won’t be able to spend, so who are we to say to don’t apply here? Aside from people who would go completely crazy by the fourth day.

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