How should one pick a mayor? On the basis of sound policy proposals? One who can keep himself from sending dick pics every day? Tallest? How about picking the one who can hit a ball the farthest? Eh, works for us, people have made worse voting decisions. If that’s how you want to decide on who you’ll vote for for mayor, get down to Borough Hall tomorrow at noon, where the candidates will be facing off in a stickball game to determine who is the most authentic New Yorker.
Your hosts for the game will be Brooklyn Borough President Marty Markowitz and living human cartoon Curtis Silwa, who’s doing his best to make people forget he used to walk around trying to be Batman. Sadly, Bill de Blasio and Christine Quinn are skipping the game, as befitting front runners who can’t be bothered with this kind of awesome pandering. Scheduled to take some hacks are Sal Albanese, Joe Lohta, John Castimatidis, George McDonals, Erick Salgado, John Liu, Bill Thompson, Jack Hidary and my old boss, Adolfo Carrion.
Anthony Weiner is a conspicuous absence, given his “I’m more New York than all of you” schtick, so it may be a sign that he’s actually given up. Despite the fact that last we heard, real New Yorkers don’t quit. There’s no word on what the winner gets, so we figure it’s just a boatload of free press and the ability to say they won this. For Carrion’s sake, I hope he’s better at this than the Bronx Borough President’s Office softball team did in 2007. We lost every game we played.