Fight the VMAs and 18 other great weekend ideas

We'll be playing Remote Control. Will Colin?

We’ll be playing Remote Control. Will Colin?

1. You don’t actually have to go back to school anymore, so enjoy a back to school-themed night at Videology by watching Freaks and Geeks, back before Seth Rogen and James Franco were insufferable celebrities (Friday)

2. It’s Heavy Woods’ first birthday, so they’re getting crazy, luau-style (Friday)

3. Black Sheep is celebrating summer twice. First at the Paper Box with EULA and the motherfucking Death Set (Friday)

4. And then with an afterparty across the street at Shea Stadium, featuring Math the Band, who will teach you how to add and subtract fractions in case you’ve forgotten how (Friday)

5. Late Night Basement closes out their first season with another show featuring local comedians and author Sarah Bruni, who wrote the novel The Night Gwen Stacy Died. NERD ALERT (Friday)

6. Don’t want to bother hosting your own swap meet? Understandable. In that case, check out this one in Bed-Stuy sponsored by the Brooklyn Clothing Exchange (Saturday)

7. It’s completely crazy (by which we mean violent, uncaring and cruel) out there, so how if you’re a lady human or trans, you can take some free self-defense lessons (Saturday)

8. Dress like a stuffy Hamptons jerk and head to 706 Bar, because the person with the best stuffy Hamptons jerk outfit gets a $25 bar tab on this, their first customer appreciation day (Saturday)

9. The Fort Greene Park Literary Festival will feature readings from a ton of talented young writers, many of whom will make you wish you could steal the essence of their youth from them. But don’t do it (Saturday)

10. Pete’s Mini Zine Fest returns for a fifth go-round at Pete’s Candy Store, so if you want to hang out and check out some zines and maybe buy some zines, this is the place you want to be (Saturday)

11. Union Docs is hosting an art show with barbecue and music, and they claim the barbecue will be delicious and the people there will be of the good variety. We’re gonna choose to believe all of that (Saturday)

12. Improv team Warren got their friends together and they’re all taking over Brooklyn Launchpad for a few hours. More importantly, they’ll have free barbecue (Saturday)

13. Tattooery Gristle is hosting an art show with the theme of “Return Me to the Sea,” which is where we’ll all end up one day. Continuing a theme, this will also have free food, and also free beer (Saturday)

14. Rockabilly/metal night Venom celebrates one year of bringing pomade, denim and Elvis scowls to the back room of the Cobra Club, so celebrate with them if you’re a hep cat. Wait, is that how rockabilly people talk? (Saturday)

15. It’s time for the Afropunk Fest, so get excited! Get excited about Danny Brown! Get excited about Big Freedia! Get excited about Jean Grae! Get excited about the Coup! And Chuck D! Are you excited yet? (Saturday and Sunday)

16. The New York Transit Museum wants to take you back in time on a WWII-era subway car and then take you to Van Cortlandt Park in the Bronx. No word on if they want to take you home after getting you there (Sunday)

17. The Obsolete Cinema Club not only invites you to Freddy’s to see the bonkers-sounding movie Scavenger Hunt, they’re also hosting a scavenger hunt at the bar. So bring a magnifying glass maybe. For clues (Sunday)

18. The VMAs are going to be at Barclays. But if you’re smart, you’ll be at Last Exit at our anti-VMA party with karaoke, the Duran Duran board game and themed cocktails. And if you’re Colin Quinn, you should come too. Even if it’s to make fun of us, whatever, we can take it (Sunday)