Eugene Mirman opens mysterious pretentious artisanal store, Flotsam

flotsam eugene mirman

They look pretty artisanal to us. via Instagram

If there’s one trend that the world needs to embrace more fully, it’s the whole artisanal, handmade, talking about how artisanal and handmade your table is trend. We’ve got one or two places like that in Brooklyn, but thankfully Brooklyn’s own Eugene Mirman has moved from comedy to the world of putting on some old-timey work clothes, looking very serious and selling you something expensive with his new store, Flotsam. Maybe if this whole artisan thing really catches on, there’ll be a future for Brooklyn’s bearded young men.

Oh hey, joking, obviously. Of course, our unfunny joke doesn’t make Mirman and H. Jon Benjamin’s store, “A Post-Structural Shopping Experience” that’s “dedicated to the principle that sometimes, what we seek can eventually find us.” Not just a funny name with a bondage-themed view of the handmade shopping experience (“In this way, a symbiotic chain is created between producer and consumer. Our mission is to always build on that chain, until that chain enwraps all of us and we are thusly bound together, chained.”), Flotsam is also a place where you can buy sacks of hand-picked goods “hand-hewn by machines.”

What are the goods? Well, they come in a mystery sack, which comes in a small size for $40. You can even order one if you’re really desperately curious, the order form gets all the way up to asking for your credit card information. And of course we want to see what you get, but this website is also called Brokelyn and we don’t have $40 to give H. Jon Benjamin and Eugene Mirman to send us a sack of stuff they won in one of those crane games. If you do, that’s your business.