Enroll in Nuke ‘Em High and 22 other free ways to spend your week

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Just like when you were in high school

1. Roll the dice on Game Night at Spike Hill, since the odds are pretty low that everyone they booked won’t be funny (Monday)

2. Or, check out Brooklyn, Stand Up at Over the Eight, which changes the formula of your usual standup show by promising interactive games. Hopefully the game isn’t “Make fun of the audience”

3. Mountain Dew or crab juice? The age-old question is asked and answered at Simpsons Club this week when the Simpsons visit New York (Monday)

4. See free play Bully Me Down just once, or follow them to every bar they perform at and see it all week. Either way, you get free pirate-themed theater (Monday – Friday)

5. Manifesto continues their revolutionary struggle for people’s comedy at the People’s Republic of Brooklyn, so get on their good side before the hilarious bloodshed eventually starts (Tuesday)

6. Why pay for a solar-powered vibrator when you could get one for free at Babeland? Just get their before they’re all gone (Tuesday)

7. Head to the Brooklyn YWCA for a discussion about men speaking out against sexual violence. Better to speak out against that than go around telling women to smile (Tuesday)

8. Philosophy professor Philip Kitcher will be at the Brooklyn Public Library to lay out the depressing facts about how climate change will wreak havoc on humanity in our bleak future. Good date night! (Tuesday)

9. Or get more bad news from the Secret Science Club as psychologist Steven Pinker talks about war, peace and violence (Tuesday)

10. Author Dee Williams stops by powerHouse to explain how she downsized her life to the point where she had an $8/month utility bill (Wednesday)

11. Jangly British indie trio Fear of Men stops in to Baby’s All Right to sing about how in England, indie rock bands are called “lorries” (Wednesday)

12. Storytelling night So What Happened Was returns to Freddy’s with storytellers talking about the time they’ve been the butt of jokes, which is a theme you should be familiar with (Wednesday)

13. Ivy Pochoda comes to BookCourt to talk about her Red Hook-set Visitation Street, and since you’re still too lazy to ever go to Red Hook, this could be as close as you get to the neighborhood (Wednesday)

14. 61 Local is holding a tribute to Lou Reed, and you never know if this is the one where he finally shows up and admits he faked his own death, so check it out! (Wednesday)

15. Clothing store Bhoomki is hosting a cocktail hour for Fashion Revolution Day, to talk about ways to not buy clothes made by East Asian children being paid a dollar  a day (Thursday)

16. Brooklyn Museum tea shop Tea Forte is having an anniversary party where you can sample a bunch of tea and listen to jazz, like some kind of fancy lad (Thursday)

17. Learn how to finally understand which cleaning products are actually good for the environment and which aren’t at a talk on the subject at Isa. Then it’s up to you if you want to keep wrecking the Earth (Thursday)

18. The Brooklyn Historical Society is talking zines, specifically about how they can help gives voices to LGBTQ and minority communities, so go learn how they can so you can sound smart at your next party (Thursday)

19. Straight Up Comedy at Soda Bar is asking the question on all of our mind: Why the hell is it still cold? And they’re answering it with a lineup that includes Brokelyn favorite Charla Lauriston (Thursday)

20. Relive high school memories at a screening of Class of Nuke ‘Em High at Videology, and then stick around to talk with Troma head honcho Lloyd Kaufman (Thursday)

21. Learn how the old Dutch masters did their oil paintings and pick up some new trivia to blather about at an oil painting demonstration at Utrecht Art Supplies (Friday)

22. The Big Green Theatre Festival will stop in to the Bushwick Starr to show that there’s a link between creativity and the environment, and explain why we shouldn’t make the Earth a polluted hellscape (Friday)

23. Web series The Triplets of Kings County holds its premiere at Videology, and its haunted Brooklyn looks just weird enough to be a good way to kick off your Friday (Friday)