“Hello, I’m the fucking worst.” via Deadspin

If you’re a Nets fan, things might not be looking up for you at the moment. Beyond the Nets proving to the Knicks that they don’t have a monopoly on unbelievable playoff collapses, the team is hamstrung by the salary cap and bad contracts, so they’ll have to hope that their core somehow doesn’t lose more of a step despite being a year older next season. ESPN’s Darren Rovell, widely regarded as the worst man in sports, has some good news though: Nets ownership made a ton of money. Hey, great!

Rovell pointed out that the Nets “won where it count$,” with a dollar sign in place of an s, because you see, sports aren’t about watching world class athletes do things you can only dream about, or finding common cause with your community or even getting drunk and hollering. Sports are about making the oligarchs who own the teams even richer, and that’s what the Nets did for Russian gazillionaire Mikhail Prokhorov. According to Rovell, the Nets sold 98% of their luxury suites, sold more tickets to people coming from Manhattan than they did last year and had the seventh-best merchandise sales numbers in the league. Sure they paid $38 million per playoff win and making all that money doesn’t help the fans, but remember, in sports, making tons of money for rich people is what count$, not championships.

So there’s a silver lining even though the Nets have an aging team, a center coming off a second foot surgery, a point guard with a max contract and busted ankles getting another ankle surgery, no draft picks and are restricted to offering free agents a three year, $10 million contract at most: Mikhail Porkohorov is staying paid. Man, Rovell really gets it.

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