Who doesn’t want to be a billionaire(s) editor?

You won't earn this, but you'll get to write about it? via Madashelland.com

You won’t earn this, but you’ll get to write about it? via Madashelland.com

A lesson in S.E.O. for job listings: what writer, struggling or not, wouldn’t click on an opening for “Billionaires Editor”? When I first saw this Bloomberg LP position on Media Bistro I was ready to fling my laptop off the fire escape I got so excited. Until I actually scrolled down to scan the job description, which includes “calculating the fortunes of the world’s richest people”…might be a bit of a challenge for me, considering I just had to ask Siri how many zeroes make a billion. Plus, who doesn’t loathe rich people?

In addition to counting out the chump change of the biggest chumps in the world, as “Billionaires editor” you would also be responsible for finding the next up and coming Mr. Moneybags, basically, like playing Big Buck Hunter. I’m great at Big Buck Hunter. Do you get commission for every stinking rich stag wrangled? Cuz Siri just told me even .1% of a billion is a million.

Perks, not listed: always having a sufficiently cheeky answer when insufferable dudes at the bar ask you what you do; lying to yourself every morning you wake up and every night before you go to sleep; gathering material for the next The Wolf of Wall Street, which you’ll call, The Lioness of Bloomberg Street, starring you, in your dreams.