Dear boring Brooklyn parents: a plea

Screen Shot 2015-06-06 at 9.26.58 AM — BEFORE: a romantic dinner for two.

Does a typical night consist of falling asleep in your kid’s bed after scraping the mac & cheese crust from the pot? Sneaking out after bedtime for an overdue Fairway shop and splurging on stinky cheese? Or the worst fate of all… going to a school concert?

I see your Pirate’s Booty and raise you mom jeans. But there’s new hope for us shut ins, and I’m here to tell you about it.

I know most people who read this site aren’t pushing out offspring yet, but I was doing it way before Brokelyn was hijacked by youngs who care about things like Run the Jewels menus at Brucies (heh?) and consider wearing “jorts” an act of personal liberation. In my day, we called them cutoffs — and did stories on cheap summer camps and the best Brooklyn store ever invented, after that other great Brooklyn store. And believe me me, I know from crapping out on the couch before your kids.

Then, I discovered the Brooklyn Cocktail Book, and something changed. (Full disclosure: I didn’t quite discover the Cocktail Book, a few of us on Team Brokelyn put them together. But stay with me for a sec.) Papa Brokelyn and I went from people who talk about date nights to people to go on them.

The Cocktail Book, a set of tickets good for 2-f0r-1 drinks at Brooklyn bars, is like having 20 date nights in your pocket at all times. And who deserves them more than you?

Washing down your kids’ pizza crusts with a Sierra is cool and all. But sipping margaritas in Lowlands’ backyard is cooler. So is Tiki Night at Fort Defiance in Red Hook. Maybe after Music Together you can grab a Kentucky lemonade at Abilene in Carroll Gardens. Or sound like you really know your shit when you brag about the Paradise Found you had at Erv’s on Beekman. Paradise indeed.

Later that night, maybe you’ll get some of that #dadbod for a change. Or #mombod. Stumbling home after whiskey cocktails at Lea sure beats pinot grigio at the kitchen counter while loading the dishwasher.

Don’t just take it from me. Here’s what my friend Christine told me recently: “The Cocktail Book motivates me to have date nights with my husband, it promotes small business, which I’m all over, and it gives you direction when you’re going out,” she said. “Plus, it’s been vetted by Brokelyn, so you know it will be fun.”

I love Christine. And I love Cocktail Books. And you will too.

Do it for yourself. For Father’s Day. Your marriage. My marriage. My three beautiful children who just want to go to community college someday. Nah, screw them. Let’s all go to Castello Plan. But if you bring kids, we don’t know you.

Order your Cocktail Book here. Not a housebound breeder but know one? Please share.

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