Pace yourself, eat breakfast: How to do day drinking right

Illustrations by Shaylyn Berlew

The only flag you need this summer. Illustrations by Shaylyn Berlew

Now that the frost has finally lifted from the northeast, Brokelynites can finally partake in all of the classic outdoor activities that our metropolis has to offer – strolls along our waterfront parks, running, biking, various other outdoor athletics, and most importantly, day drinking, our most hallowed nice weather tradition. When balmy temperatures and extended periods of sunlight decide to show up, we swarm to our countless outdoor bars, not to mention music festivals, rooftop parties, and buzzed beach days. Knocking back some drinks while lazing on a sunny afternoon can be an idyllic experience, or can honestly end horrifically. Fear not: we have a few pointers to mitigate the predicaments you may face as you navigate the choose-your-own adventure experience that is day drinking.

Do eat breakfast (and hydrate properly)
Duh. These are the most rudimentary rules of day drinking so they’re being lumped together. The general rule of thumb is to drink a glass of water for every alcoholic beverage imbibed, but this is clearly easier said than done. Still, remembering to have some water every once in a while is of utmost importance– especially if you’re out in the sun. That sitch can turn from “basking in the sunlight at the prime of my life” to “holy shit I need to lie down immediately with an IV drip” real quick. Starting any drinking session with an empty stomach is a terrible idea, but particularly so if you’re embarking on a day-long excursion. Eat something substantial, the greasier the better. Conversely, don’t have a giant meal so elaborate that you’re left too full to go on (These rules actually apply to all foods consumed before/during/after heavy drinking).

Do your research on Brooklyn bottomless brunches
Day drinking is inherently financially irresponsible, so minimize costs by capitalizing on one of our borough’s bottomless boozy brunches! Many serve champagne as one of their beverage options, which is kind of absurd… yet totally reasonable! Bubbly mixed with orange juice or an entire bottle to the face? Either can be yours for usually under $20. Speaking of…

Don’t be an asshole at that bottomless brunch
You’ve seen those videos: chumps who don’t know their brunch limit. Sure, we’ve all used and abused comparable open bar situations, but the magic of day drinking is that it takes place during hours in which many other people are simply going about their daily lives, sans unlimited bloody marys. If boozy brunch can’t handle you at your worst… you’re probably going to get kicked out. Don’t be that guy staggering from the venue like a newborn colt, forcing your friends to heave your carcass into a cab with your leg kicking out as though you’re trying to maneuver a Razor scooter. At like, 1pm. You read this blog. You’re better than that.

daydrinking2

It’s a marathon, not a sprint
You’re in it for the long haul here, so use your (inevitably increasingly impaired) judgment. Don’t overestimate your limit and tap out in the first round, dooming yourself to spend primo day-drinking hours restricted to someone’s couch. And perhaps more importantly, keep this tenet in mind in relation to your wallet, too. Don’t piss away $14 on some bougie cocktail when your whole day is going to consist of spending money on drinks you’re probably going to lose track of. When it comes to drinking endurance, your best bet is to keep it simple– fairly low ABV beers, well-timed ~$5 beer-shot deals, and if you’re someone who doesn’t drink beer, very basic mixed drinks. These solutions are both easier on your liver and on your likely dwindling bank account. Pace thyself.

Bring a phone charger
An oft-overlooked yet important step in a day-long drinking excursion. You’re leaving your apartment indefinitely and if you keep checking your Instagram, that bad boy’s going to be sucked dry by rallying time (see below.) Bring a phone charger, just in case an outlet situation presents itself. Sure it’s fun and liberating to go phoneless– off the grid, man!– but you’re probably in a group, and how you gonna round up the troops, or clarify to everyone that you in fact decided to accompany that sexy stranger to a second location if your phone is dead?

Reserve your Snapchat story/Instagram for things that others may actually find amusing
Don’t go panning around every single bar patio you hit, every minute of the party, every band you see, or uploading a poorly lit image of every single drink you have. These behaviors, like throwing up a picture from three weeks ago for Throwback Thursday or of a beach, captioned “#takemeback” do nothing but annoy your friends. But hey, if you’re at an impressively posh location, out in a pretty park, with a particularly good-looking crew, hell yeah, throw that shit up. Just keep it cryptic; leave your public wanting more.

daydrinking2

Don’t worry about your make-up (if you’re someone who wears make-up)
Sure, whatever you’ve applied will likely congeal within a few hours, and later on you may be required to blend in with people who left their apartment at 8pm. But if I had a dime for every time I’ve packed eyeliner, concealer, freaking blush, etc. in my bag, intending to eventually reassess my makeup situation and retain a look of moderate composure throughout the day …. only to catch a glimpse at my glazed, day-drunk countenance hours later in a heavily sharpie-tagged bar bathroom mirror and think “mmm, nahhhhh” … I’d have like 6 bucks or something. Eyeliner application is a daunting enough task in itself, let alone when one’s dexterity has been compromised by multiple mimosas. Don’t worry about it. You look fine…

If you choose to transition into night drinking, set aside time to rally
There comes a time in every day drinking venture in which two roads diverge: you will either “call it,” retreat to Netflix and whatever bodega snacks you impulsively purchase on your way back to your apartment, and quickly fall asleep amidst a crude nest of said snacks, OR you and your cohorts decide that the night is but a fetus, and yes, it is a good idea to keep this party going. If you choose the latter, certain precautions should be taken, namely a period of rallying. Take a quick nap at someone’s nearby apartment, a grassy knoll at the music festival, a park bench. But more importantly, have some semblance of dinner! You can throw a rock and hit a cheap pizza joint around these parts. (Don’t do that. Go to them, acquire the dollar slice.) I find that not drinking during the transitional day-to-night meal is also helpful, but hey, you do you. Also, returning for a second (third, fourth) late-night slice is strongly encouraged.

Take all of these with a grain of salt because that was the worst winter of all time
I’m not here to tell you how to live, especially after a long, cold winter like the one we just had. The fact that we were all wearing real-deal winter coats at the beginning of April has earned us the right to cut loose this summer. So go ahead, spring for the frozen negroni, post eight redundant group pictures with unintelligible hashtags in a row, forget your phone altogether. Just remember to drink your water, treat your staff kindly and score some pizza. Cheers!