Halloween has had two major advancements since the invention of the snack-sized Snickers: its adoption by the gay community (and such wonderful things you’ve done with it!) and the propagation of “sexy” costumes for lazy/secretly slutty people who think the scariest thing about October is the lack of cleavage (and make me horribly conflicted about this Sexy Optimus affair). But Halloween is less than two weeks away, so you’ve got to get on it. Maybe you’re going the “sexy” route and don’t have enough time to whore up your own clothing. Did you know there’s a bountiful booty of sexy costumes available for less than $20 online? See a few of your budget choices (boys and girls):
Includes: Boxer shorts, “package enhancer.” Only $8 to fake a boner! Or you could get a real one which, according to my middle school days, can be achieved by riding a bus or being forced to give a presentation in front of class.
If you want to pay $15 for a fancy coat with the words “Dr. Love” on it, this is your costume, because in only includes: the coat and face mask. Does not include pants. No pants doctor! Now that’s a sexy doctor.