07/25/14 11:20am
mccarren hotel and pool

Look at these fucking hipsters (at their luxury hotel). via Facebook

We don’t know what it is about people that they can’t let go of the idea that Williamsburg is chock full of hipsters, but every day brings a new piece of news that hammers home IT FUCKING ISN’T. Today’s sign that Williamsburg is for stockbrokers: a $1.75 million two-bedroom apartment overlooking the McCarren Hotel pool that’s being pitched as the perfect antidote to rich guys who just wanna wave their wallet around, with the Daily News chiming in that your new terrace gives you “plenty of opportunity for observing the doe-eyed hipster set in its summer skivvies.”

And what art school dropout with pink streaks in her hair wouldn’t consider this scenario a heavy gusher:

But some locals think it would be a hit with Brooklyn babes.

One playboy’s advice: “You just walk down to the pool, get a drink and ask them if they want to come upstairs and freshen up.”

If that’s not game, we don’t know what is.

We didn’t think the Williamsburg J. Crew would take a shambling, Jager-puking human form so quickly, but then who are we to argue with the dark arts?

Follow Dave for more class warfare at @DaveCoIon

07/22/14 9:47am
williamsburg j. crew

wow. such graffiti. much hipster. very art. via J. Crew

We tried to goof on the Williamsburg J. Crew by getting hold of the employee handbook for the store, but you know, it sounds like they’re doing a good enough job parodying themselves. From T Magazine:

“We didn’t want to just go and do graffiti,” says Jenna Lyons, J.Crew’s creative director. Initially, she wanted to keep the store’s facade as she’d found it — covered in posters and spray-painted tags. “Unfortunately when we did a survey of the space, the facade was actually in such poor shape we had to replace quite a bit of the brick,” she said. “We asked, ‘Who is a local artist who might be able to do help us tell people we’re coming in a way that’s not obvious and might be able to reference that graffiti sensibility — but making it feel more modern?’ ”

But forget about Lyons’s real employees for a second: what would Hannah Horvath think of a J.Crew moving into Williamsburg?

YES, WHAT? Just a reminder, that if you hear anyone make jokes about Williamsburg hipsters these days, that person is a terrible hack and should be tied to the tip of an ICBM and shot into space.

07/21/14 10:11am

It’s Monday, the start of another boring week of drudgery at your office or your home office. Maybe you’re sick of wearing a suit or dealing with Optimum and the world’s worst internet service and you want a job that’s wild and free. Well, this documentary on Bill, the Best Pizza delivery man, will give you an insight into another way of living. Perks of the job include exercise, making good money compared to bike messaging and having people get excited at your presence. Downsides include getting jumped by kids, trying to balance two bags of pizza on your bike and severed pinky tips. Do those risks outweigh the fact that sitting in a chair every day could be killing you? Only you can decide!

[via Free Williamsburg] (more…)

07/14/14 1:02pm
levi's commuter workspace

Beats being on a train. via Facebook

It’s the summer, so all you hip young people with your flowing hair and cool offices might be biking to work now and need some help with bike upkeep. Also, you lousy freelancers with non-air conditioned apartments might want to go somewhere with air conditioning without having to pay for the privilege. Because of your desirable demographic characteristics, Levi’s will be helping both classes of people with their Williamsburg Levi’s Commuter Workspace pop-up, where you can get free coffee, free wifi, free bike repair and free air conditioning until the end of July. (more…)

07/02/14 11:36am
tenacious d

These guys had rockstar dreams too, and look where that got them.

It’s summer music season and the perfect time to get your band out and rocking. Don’t have a band? Start one. Don’t know how to play an instrument? Well…

Learning how to play an instrument can be expensive and frustrating (especially if you go the DIY route). If you’re not up for teaching yourself the chords to “Whole Lotta Love,” though, there’s now another option: a donation-based music school that just opened in Williamsburg, Play it Forward, where you can learn how to play the instrument of your dreams for pennies in a fun, group environment. (more…)

07/01/14 4:12pm
50 kent outdoor movies

Like this, but in a different park, with a different view. via Nitehawk Cinema

Obviously the Brooklyn Bridge Park movies, with their location right on the water, are great. Hell, all outdoor summer movie series are great. Maybe though, you want more summer movie series right on the water. Well lucky you, because 50 Kent just released the schedule for their three free summer movies (with appropriately thematic musical openers) in partnership with Nitehawk Cinemas. (more…)

07/01/14 3:05pm
53 broadway brooklyn

The scene of our new class struggle. via Brownstoner

It’s hard out there for a renter, relying on your landlord to actually give a shit about you and your apartment problems. How hard is it out there? It’s so bad for renters that according to Brownstoner, even tenants in Williamsburg luxury building 53 Broadway are staging a rent strike over high electric bills and uh, a lack of a 24-hour doorman. As we speak, Yiddish scholars are feverishly working to come up with a better word for this than “chutzpah.” (more…)

06/13/14 1:38pm
brewskee ball

Let’s roll. via Facebook

Sports never stop in America, whether you’re obessesing about the World Cup, the possbility of an imporbable Rangers come back or the disappointing Mets or boring Yankees. Those sports all happen at a distance though, so how about a sporting competition you can be more directly involved in, like Brewskee-Ball? The bar-based skee-ball league is kicking off their summer season on Monday with a party at the Full Circle Bar. A party with free beer and free skee-ball. (more…)

06/11/14 10:49am
thee oh sees

You can see Thee Oh Sees, and so much more, even without a Northside Badge this weekend

Guess what’s back for another weekend of music, film and art in the northernmost parts of Brooklyn? It’s the Northside Festival, and this time with that hot button word “innovation.” Though the $80 music badge to the festival is sold out and the $285 Innovation Regular badge is – spoiler – also sold out, this doesn’t mean that you and your broke, Tecate-holding hand can’t get your other hand into some of the weekend’s best shows for free though, because we’ve got them all here for you.

Show the SXSW music industry types that you have a better time at free shows with your Instagrams and Tweets and don’t dig out your wallet unless it’s for beer and taco trucks that run a-plenty in Williamsburg. Innovation is defined as the process of introducing new ideas or methods, and we here at Brokelyn think you’re too innovative to pay for anything. (more…)

06/05/14 2:55pm
baby's all right

Artist’s rendition of how good you’ll feel after spending just $4. What? You still have to tip on each drink. via Facebook

Aahhhh summer. Nothing like boob sweat, arguing with your roommates over their share of the electric bill and free events up the wazooo. But after this brutal winter we’re not complaining. We’ll take all the boob sweat mother nature can muster.

When ya gotta pay your share of the electric bill though (to keep the boob sweat at bay at home, at least) those $10 and $12 cocktails really start to add up. So you’ll be relieved to hear that all every day in June, Williamsburg restaurant/bar/music venue Baby’s All Right (146 Broadway) has a happy hour special of $1 Pink Baby frozen cocktails from 5pm to 8pm. And their happy hour is…..Every. Day. *floored* (more…)