“Maybe I should start wearing belts with seafood on them.”—Lincoln, gesturing at a sea of bros in their finest pastel button downs and khaki and lobster insignia. Jaime has passed his citizenship test, and Abbi has smuggled them all aboard a booze cruise via her roommate Melody’s law firm to celebrate. Because after all, in America, you can be a legal citizen but still a social alien. In episode 7, Abbi and Ilana and the gang of misfits struggle to assimilate among the higher classes aboard the “Citizen Ship.” And as always, we want you to learn from their mistakes. Without further ado, we present: The Do’s and Don’ts of Social Climbing. (more…)
It’s happened to all of us: you go online to look up one thing and that leads to another and when you come to, you’ve lost hours of your lives to the suckhole of the Internet. We’ve all been trapped in “The Matrix,” the title of Episode 6. Actually, it’s even happening to me right now. After blacking out on searches for Judge Judy episodes, bizarre BuzzFeed quizzes like “What dead child star are you?” and even a flash of Tinder searches (a first mention of the app on the show) Abbi and Ilana decide to completely unplug for a day. Of course, chaos ensues. (more…)
The girls always have a good time when they’re together, so why look for more?
Broad City episode 5, “Hashtag FOMO,” is a cautionary tale about the dangers of FOMO, including friends-with-FOMO. While Fear Of Missing Out may exist all over the world, it’s positively epidemic in New York, where we live in a constant state of trading up, be it in career, love life, digs, friends, even subway commutes. But when you live your life preoccupied by what better option awaits you, you do end up missing out on a lot, just not in the ways you thought.
Even if you don’t personally suffer from FOMO (pray tell, what’s your secret?), chances are someone you’re close to has got it real bad. Well, we’re here with a PSA to warn you, their FOMO can negatively affect you! Like second-hand smoke (second-hand FOMO). And those of you out there with FOMO—keep it to yourself, you’re toxic. In this episode, Ilana’s case of FOMO means nothing but trouble for Abbi. We’ll take you through, revealing the consequences of each FOMO-induced decision so you might learn from Abbi’s and Ilana’s mistakes. (more…)
What does it mean to be a “bad-ass bitch”? Is the real thing, be it a custom-made Shinjo dildo or a legit Coach bag, really that much better than an imitation? Does wearing the dick in the relationship grant the woman the same power as wearing the pants? These are some of the questions raised in this week’s episode of Broad City, “Knock-offs.” (more…)
Abbi just strolling on the Carroll Street bridge with her life-sized tooth friend
This week on Broad City we’re in Brooklyn, whoo hoo! Abbi gets her wisdom teeth removed by Lincoln (we recognize the exterior of the dental office on N. 6 and Driggs) and ends up on a drug-addled quest to the Gowanus Whole Foods where she manages to spend $1,487.50. She doesn’t buy any of the absurd items we catalogued, but makes a mess in the bulk foods aisle, knocks down a stack of “earth friendly cereals,” and shatters a jar of Manuka honey. (more…)
Season 2 of Broad City started last night, which means the return of our favorite hedonistic don’t-give-a-fuck slackers Abbi and Ilana. “In Heat” cast our stoned heroines in the dregs of NYC summer, dealing with all those #summerproblems we know so well: the bummer of chronic swamp ass, the grossness of trying to get it on without an AC unit, the utter futility of trying to dry your sweat with a hair dryer (has anyone tried this before?).
Even though we are so, so cold right now, did it make us miss summer? Nah, but it did make us feel like maybe we wasted our youth, and that we should have taken more bong rips and spent more time just hangin’ at Bed Bath & Beyond. (more…)
No TV and no beer make Brokelyn something something.
The social contract of entering a public bar in Brooklyn — as close as some of us have to a piazza in modern day — is that you suffer through a lot of light and noise. You might enter a spot in search of a warm drink on a cold April night and, ugh, month 1 of the 38-month long NBA playoffs is on the TV, so you suffer through. Or maybe it’s Sunday and your path to the bar is blocked by wide-eyed millennials worshiping at the altar of Lena Dunham for a screening party of Girls, all the while noting the irony that the target demo for this show does not own TVs. Imagine the acute horror of enjoying some craic with friends only to have the bartender, smooth and dispassionate as an executioner, cut off the conversation at the neck by flipping the channel to an awards show, trapping you in the cultural conversation you had hoped to avoid by going to the bar in the first place. Worse still, some bars let their TVs roam feral, leaving the pictocube on whatever channel it lands on to pour out stale episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond, the shadows of laughs that never were piling up on the sticky bar floor.
We grit through these things for the greater good: sometimes we will call on you, bar TVs, and you’ll be there for us: hungover Sunday football days, that late-night Mets game when it’s been a tough work day, the presidential debates you have to watch in a bar among people so you don’t pour poison in your ear in frustration. Yet we have come calling in an hour of most need and been met with silence. Shame on you, Brooklyn bars. We’re here, we’re queer, we don’t want any more bears, but we do want you to turn the channel to FXX this week. (more…)
Piper and Larry in their Park Slope home, failing at a juice cleanse, like so many before them.
Who’s ready to go back to prison? Happy Orange is the New Black season 2 day! All 13 new episodes of the majorly binge-able hit Netflix dramedy dropped overnight, giving you lots more Piper and Alex, Taystee and Poussey and Pornstache and Crazy Eyes to destroy your weekend plans. The show mercifully shatters stereotypes about women characters on TV, giving us body and sexuality types that would only appear on a network show if all TV executives were actually thrown in SHU.
Of course, the show is based on the memoir of real-life Park Sloper Piper Kerman. While season 1 gave us lots of flashback scenes to Piper’s yuppie life in Brooklyn — and plenty of digs at Brooklyn idiosyncrasies, from juice cleanses to a writer character who lives off his parents — it also contains some full on references only people who know the borough would appreciate. (more…)
Don’t these look like swell broads? via broadcitytheshow.com
When I first heard about ‘Broad City,’ I had high hopes. It’s executive produced by Amy Poehler, the name is pretty fly, and it’s come along at an exciting time for female comedians, following Inside Amy Schumer and Sasheer Zamata joining SNL. Poehler got to know writers and stars Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer via UCB and wanted to help give voice to the creators of the web series of the same name. One of the coolest female comedians in the world helping two up-and-coming female funnies launch their career? That’s nothing less than inspiring, and they must be something special if #Bossbitch thinks so. I felt certain that this was going to be the show to blow all the other tales of twenty something-chicks-in-NYC out of the water. But when I watched the pilot, available online, I deflated. (more…)
When editor Dave’s away, the girls will play. Dave is also my housemate—I know, live-in Brokelyn, can you imagine?—so it’s also girls week, except without the sanctioned hash tag, at my crib. I’m blasting pump-up girly jams instead of his garden variety garage rock, that I sing my own personalized lyrics to, like Robyn (“I keep writing on my own!”) and M.I.A. (“Blog fast die young broke girls do it well”). All I know is, this week, I’m gonna be the one falling asleep on the couch in front of the laptop (it’s called mac-elepsy), dammit, like the blogging soldier I am inside, now fully realized.
My co-guest-editor for the week, Camille, isn’t over here lounging with me in the Dave-free zone, but every now and then we call each other to check in, “Sup, girl? #Girlsweek” and then hang up. My two girl roommates and I, plus my girl dog, are celebrating our temporary liberation from the masculine gaze by peeing with the door open, not wearing pants (actually we’ve had a pretty open no-pants policy since move-in) syncing up our periods, and other girl stuff—like last night, watching the proper noun version of our sex, “Girls,” season 3 premiere, using ___’s account on HBOGo. Actually I watched it alone in bed with my dog, but it’s nice to mythologize us all huddled together on the shoddy futon, watching the feckless foursome fuck it up and then some. But if you don’t have either, HBO just posted both episodes online for free. (more…)