01/15/15 10:46am

Ladies, always remember to look within

Season 2 of Broad City started last night, which means the return of our favorite hedonistic don’t-give-a-fuck slackers Abbi and Ilana. “In Heat” cast our stoned heroines in the dregs of NYC summer, dealing with all those #summerproblems we know so well: the bummer of chronic swamp ass, the grossness of trying to get it on without an AC unit, the utter futility of trying to dry your sweat with a hair dryer (has anyone tried this before?).

Even though we are so, so cold right now, did it make us miss summer? Nah, but it did make us feel like maybe we wasted our youth, and that we should have taken more bong rips and spent more time just hangin’ at Bed Bath & Beyond. (more…)

08/21/14 1:50pm

No TV and no beer make Brokelyn something something.

The social contract of entering a public bar in Brooklyn — as close as some of us have to a piazza in modern day —  is that you suffer through a lot of light and noise. You might enter a spot in search of a warm drink on a cold April night and, ugh, month 1 of the 38-month long NBA playoffs is on the TV, so you suffer through. Or maybe it’s Sunday and your path to the bar is blocked by wide-eyed millennials worshiping at the altar of Lena Dunham for a screening party of Girls, all the while noting the irony that the target demo for this show does not own TVs. Imagine the acute horror of enjoying some craic with friends only to have the bartender, smooth and dispassionate as an executioner, cut off the conversation at the neck by flipping the channel to an awards show, trapping you in the cultural conversation you had hoped to avoid by going to the bar in the first place. Worse still, some bars let their TVs roam  feral, leaving the pictocube on whatever channel it lands on to pour out stale episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond, the shadows of laughs that never were piling up on the sticky bar floor.

We grit through these things for the greater good: sometimes we will call on you, bar TVs, and you’ll be there for us: hungover Sunday football days, that late-night Mets game when it’s been a tough work day, the presidential debates you have to watch in a bar among people so you don’t pour poison in your ear in frustration. Yet we have come calling in an hour of most need and been met with silence. Shame on you, Brooklyn bars. We’re here, we’re queer, we don’t want any more bears, but we do want you to turn the channel to FXX this week. (more…)

06/06/14 8:00am
Piper and Larry in their Park Slope home, failing at the juice cleanse like so many before them.

Piper and Larry in their Park Slope home, failing at a juice cleanse, like so many before them.

Who’s ready to go back to prison? Happy Orange is the New Black season 2 day! All 13 new episodes of the majorly binge-able hit Netflix dramedy dropped overnight, giving you lots more Piper and Alex, Taystee and  Poussey and Pornstache and Crazy Eyes to destroy your weekend plans. The show mercifully shatters stereotypes about women characters on TV, giving us body and sexuality types that would only appear on a network show if all TV executives were actually thrown in SHU.

Of course, the show is based on the memoir of real-life Park Sloper Piper Kerman. While season 1 gave us lots of flashback scenes to Piper’s yuppie life in Brooklyn — and plenty of digs at Brooklyn idiosyncrasies, from juice cleanses to a writer character who lives off his parents — it also contains some full on references only people who know the borough would appreciate.

01/17/14 10:56am
Don't these look like swell broads? via broadcitytheshow.com

Don’t these look like swell broads? via broadcitytheshow.com

When I first heard about ‘Broad City,’ I had high hopes. It’s executive produced by Amy Poehler, the name is pretty fly, and it’s come along at an exciting time for female comedians, following Inside Amy Schumer and Sasheer Zamata joining SNL. Poehler got to know writers and stars Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer via UCB and wanted to help give voice to the creators of the web series of the same name. One of the coolest female comedians in the world helping two up-and-coming female funnies launch their career? That’s nothing less than inspiring, and they must be something special if #Bossbitch thinks so. I felt certain that this was going to be the show to blow all the other tales of twenty something-chicks-in-NYC out of the water. But when I watched the pilot, available online, I deflated. (more…)

01/13/14 12:15pm

Screen shot 2014-01-13 at 12.25.49 PM

When editor Dave’s away, the girls will play. Dave is also my housemate—I know, live-in Brokelyn, can you imagine?—so it’s also girls week, except without the sanctioned hash tag, at my crib. I’m blasting pump-up girly jams instead of his garden variety garage rock, that I sing my own personalized lyrics to, like Robyn (“I keep writing on my own!”) and M.I.A. (“Blog fast die young broke girls do it well”). All I know is, this week, I’m gonna be the one falling asleep on the couch in front of the laptop (it’s called mac-elepsy), dammit, like the blogging soldier I am inside, now fully realized.

My co-guest-editor for the week, Camille, isn’t over here lounging with me in the Dave-free zone, but every now and then we call each other to check in, “Sup, girl? #Girlsweek” and then hang up. My two girl roommates and I, plus my girl dog, are celebrating our temporary liberation from the masculine gaze by peeing with the door open, not wearing pants (actually we’ve had a pretty open no-pants policy since move-in) syncing up our periods, and other girl stuff—like last night, watching the proper noun version of our sex, “Girls,” season 3 premiere, using ___’s account on HBOGo. Actually I watched it alone in bed with my dog, but it’s nice to mythologize us all huddled together on the shoddy futon, watching the feckless foursome fuck it up and then some. But if you don’t have either, HBO just posted both episodes online for free.  (more…)

08/27/13 10:28am
Is this a scene from your kitchen? Read on.

Is this a scene from your kitchen? Read on.

Do you carry on cooking despite the fact that last time you made a meal for your friends they all just up and died? Well, first lawyer up. But make sure that lawyer has some entertainment industry experience, because you could be the perfect cast member for the Food Network’s Worst Cooks in America, which is currently casting for their fifth season. (more…)

08/13/13 11:10am
The price is LIES, Drew Carey! via Facebook

The price is LIES, Drew Carey! via Facebook

Are you sitting in your sad office cubicle counting down the minutes until you can leave work? And are you only interrupting the monotony with the fantasy that you could change everything by going a game show like The Price is Right and winning big? It’s a common fantasy, but the AV Club just burst your balloon with an interview with a big winner on the show. The truth? All you really win are taxes out the whazzoo and the headache of selling prizes you don’t need for less than they’re worth. (more…)

08/06/13 10:29am
It was Wilford something, right? Via Tutu's Instagram.

It was Wilford something, right? Via Tutu’s Instagram.

You’ve seen the ads at L Train stations. You have watched the moral ambiguity again and again on Netflix. You are ready to start the final episodes of Breaking Bad on Sunday … and you don’t have cable. But even if you have AMC, it’s more fun to watch your favorite TV shows with an audience and themed drinks. Luckily for you, lots of bars are giving you the chance to watch Walter White’s swan song, for free. Here is your official Brokelyn Breaking Bad Breakdown viewing (and drinking) guide. Remember no matter where you are the show premiers at 9pm. (more…)

05/24/13 10:55am

Young Jessica Walter could totally get it. It = Afternoon delight.

Before you go into a two-day long Arrested Development binge-watching cocoon super late tomorrow night, let’s take a moment to appreciate one of the show’s finest actors, a total pro in the business and one of the sexiest creatures we have ever laid eyes on: Lucille Bluth (her?). Jessica Walter, the actress who plays the wicked matron Lucille, is actually a Brooklyn native, born here on Jan. 31, 1941.

So we all know her as the witholding, curly fry hating, former Motherboy champ from Arrested, which makes its glorious return to Netflix at 3 a.m. Sunday east coast time. But Walter has given us so many more roles, and we love her for her crackling wit, her stellar timing and that kind of aged actorial wisdom you only get from slugging it out in the trenches of the industry for decades, making her one of the best on-screen mothers of all time. If you still ask whether she is truly a modern treasure after reading this, we don’t understand the question, and we won’t respond to it. (more…)

05/23/13 9:00am

Screen shot 2013-05-24 at 12.15.10 PMDespite the fact that it doesn’t get great numbers in traditional TV metrics like ratings, Girls still cleans up in categories like “buzzworthiness,” think pieces, awards and themed Craigslist apartment ads. Which means that in addition to the normal cash-ins like bus tours and bad parodies, the show is now joining the likes of Seinfeld and The Office with that touchstone of cultural acceptance, the porn parody. (more…)