Birfday girl, about to hyperventilate because she thinks Weezy is at the same restaurant as her
This post is dedicated to all our readers who are 23 and under.
In the season 2 finale of Broad City, we celebrate Ilana’s 23rd birthday! And boy has she learned a lot in her short time on this planet—after all, hanging with her older, wiser amiga Abbi has made Ilana downright precocious. We compiled a list of Broad City life lessons from the season finale for our baby readers. Bonus—quite a few are New York-specific. (more…)
In season 2′s penultimate episode, Abbi and Ilana explore other women. Ilana’s narcissism fully realizes itself when she falls for her doppelganger (Alia Shawkat), while Abbi spends a wild night getting fucked up with Kelly Ripa. But their dream crushes turn to nightmares, fast. (more…)
Ilana Wexler: libertine, pothead, feminist, molder of young minds….Huh? In Episode 8, we see Ilana as the babysitter of a precocious, privileged boy Oliver, whose refined Manhattan mother (played by Amy Ryan) finds Ilana charmingly bohemian. She’s doing it for extra cash, right? Why else does anyone babysit?
Maybe, but Ilana has another objective: “Oliver is at a tipping point. If I don’t step in now, he could go to Yale, and then, Yale Law, and then kill a stripper and settle out in court….If I don’t do something, he could turn into another useless, rich old white man.” In her dealings with Oliver, Ilana is nothing if not a focused, systematic, purposeful leader of youth. But what kind of lessons are there to learn at the Ilana Wexler School of Parenting? (more…)
“Maybe I should start wearing belts with seafood on them.”—Lincoln, gesturing at a sea of bros in their finest pastel button downs and khaki and lobster insignia. Jaime has passed his citizenship test, and Abbi has smuggled them all aboard a booze cruise via her roommate Melody’s law firm to celebrate. Because after all, in America, you can be a legal citizen but still a social alien. In episode 7, Abbi and Ilana and the gang of misfits struggle to assimilate among the higher classes aboard the “Citizen Ship.” And as always, we want you to learn from their mistakes. Without further ado, we present: The Do’s and Don’ts of Social Climbing. (more…)
It’s happened to all of us: you go online to look up one thing and that leads to another and when you come to, you’ve lost hours of your lives to the suckhole of the Internet. We’ve all been trapped in “The Matrix,” the title of Episode 6. Actually, it’s even happening to me right now. After blacking out on searches for Judge Judy episodes, bizarre BuzzFeed quizzes like “What dead child star are you?” and even a flash of Tinder searches (a first mention of the app on the show) Abbi and Ilana decide to completely unplug for a day. Of course, chaos ensues. (more…)
The girls always have a good time when they’re together, so why look for more?
Broad City episode 5, “Hashtag FOMO,” is a cautionary tale about the dangers of FOMO, including friends-with-FOMO. While Fear Of Missing Out may exist all over the world, it’s positively epidemic in New York, where we live in a constant state of trading up, be it in career, love life, digs, friends, even subway commutes. But when you live your life preoccupied by what better option awaits you, you do end up missing out on a lot, just not in the ways you thought.
Even if you don’t personally suffer from FOMO (pray tell, what’s your secret?), chances are someone you’re close to has got it real bad. Well, we’re here with a PSA to warn you, their FOMO can negatively affect you! Like second-hand smoke (second-hand FOMO). And those of you out there with FOMO—keep it to yourself, you’re toxic. In this episode, Ilana’s case of FOMO means nothing but trouble for Abbi. We’ll take you through, revealing the consequences of each FOMO-induced decision so you might learn from Abbi’s and Ilana’s mistakes. (more…)
What does it mean to be a “bad-ass bitch”? Is the real thing, be it a custom-made Shinjo dildo or a legit Coach bag, really that much better than an imitation? Does wearing the dick in the relationship grant the woman the same power as wearing the pants? These are some of the questions raised in this week’s episode of Broad City, “Knock-offs.” (more…)
Abbi just strolling on the Carroll Street bridge with her life-sized tooth friend
This week on Broad City we’re in Brooklyn, whoo hoo! Abbi gets her wisdom teeth removed by Lincoln (we recognize the exterior of the dental office on N. 6 and Driggs) and ends up on a drug-addled quest to the Gowanus Whole Foods where she manages to spend $1,487.50. She doesn’t buy any of the absurd items we catalogued, but makes a mess in the bulk foods aisle, knocks down a stack of “earth friendly cereals,” and shatters a jar of Manuka honey. (more…)
Season 2 of Broad City started last night, which means the return of our favorite hedonistic don’t-give-a-fuck slackers Abbi and Ilana. “In Heat” cast our stoned heroines in the dregs of NYC summer, dealing with all those #summerproblems we know so well: the bummer of chronic swamp ass, the grossness of trying to get it on without an AC unit, the utter futility of trying to dry your sweat with a hair dryer (has anyone tried this before?).
Even though we are so, so cold right now, did it make us miss summer? Nah, but it did make us feel like maybe we wasted our youth, and that we should have taken more bong rips and spent more time just hangin’ at Bed Bath & Beyond. (more…)
No TV and no beer make Brokelyn something something.
The social contract of entering a public bar in Brooklyn — as close as some of us have to a piazza in modern day — is that you suffer through a lot of light and noise. You might enter a spot in search of a warm drink on a cold April night and, ugh, month 1 of the 38-month long NBA playoffs is on the TV, so you suffer through. Or maybe it’s Sunday and your path to the bar is blocked by wide-eyed millennials worshiping at the altar of Lena Dunham for a screening party of Girls, all the while noting the irony that the target demo for this show does not own TVs. Imagine the acute horror of enjoying some craic with friends only to have the bartender, smooth and dispassionate as an executioner, cut off the conversation at the neck by flipping the channel to an awards show, trapping you in the cultural conversation you had hoped to avoid by going to the bar in the first place. Worse still, some bars let their TVs roam feral, leaving the pictocube on whatever channel it lands on to pour out stale episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond, the shadows of laughs that never were piling up on the sticky bar floor.
We grit through these things for the greater good: sometimes we will call on you, bar TVs, and you’ll be there for us: hungover Sunday football days, that late-night Mets game when it’s been a tough work day, the presidential debates you have to watch in a bar among people so you don’t pour poison in your ear in frustration. Yet we have come calling in an hour of most need and been met with silence. Shame on you, Brooklyn bars. We’re here, we’re queer, we don’t want any more bears, but we do want you to turn the channel to FXX this week. (more…)