04/03/15 9:44am

I will bring bros into your neighborhoods tomorrow. They will cover the face of the ground so that it cannot be seen. via Funnyjunk

It’s that time of year all you just-in-it-for-the-bragging-rights Jews have been waiting for: Passover! A time when yentas and gentiles alike gather to celebrate freedom, resilience and the gift of life. Also to remember that time that God laid down his wrath on the Egyptians over and over and over again until he freed the Jews. Of course, these days you might not be afraid of things like frogs, thunderstorms or darkness (you’ve got a flashlight on your iPhone, after all). So, in honor of the holiday we decided to update The Ten Plagues to get a look at what we might be dealing with if we ever have to face God’s judgement. Enjoy the chill these BK-specific horrors send down your spine, and happy Passover! (more…)

03/24/15 10:25am
need we say more than "Off The Grid But Still Stealing Cable Stout"

Need we say more than “Off The Grid But Still Stealing Cable Stout?” Via SB Nation.

Ah, craft beer, the poor man’s drink Olympics. With over 4,500 craft breweries scattered around the country—and that’s just the ones with wholesale accounts—it’s hard to imagine why USA Today’s blog For the Win said they were “attempting to determine which of the [craft] breweries in America is the greatest.” By user voting, no less. Just this morning, they posted a new bracket showing they’d narrowed it down to sixteen breweries. Hey, feel free to cast your vote, but we’ve had enough of the beeriarchy. In fact, we much prefer this absurd beer bracket by Jon Bois and Spencer Hall over at SB Nation, which pits beers like “Reddist Sexist Upvote Dog Porter” against “Something about a Fucking Ship.” (more…)

02/19/15 3:34pm

Ever wonder what would happen if that polite male subway automaton stopped politely asking you to “offer your seat” and report “suspicious packages” and started getting real? You no longer have to, thanks to this video of a re-imagined morning commute, where the subway voice goes from gently advocating basic human courtesy to haranguing passengers for everything from their eco-consciousness to their choice in pets.

Whether you relate more to the woman drinking a Starbucks latte or the guy who’s just offended that anyone would prefer dogs over cats, there’s something in this video for every straphanger. That said, let’s not let this good-natured laugh at ourselves make us forget about all the stuff the MTA is doing wrong. Keep those pitchforks held high, folks. (more…)

12/02/14 2:09pm
knicks nets

Carmelo Anthony and Deron Williams both come to the realization that they have to play this game

Coming into their second matchup tonight, the Knicks and Nets are bad in all sorts of ways. Despite having the two highest paid “Big Three” combos in basketball, they’re a combined 10-23, each team only has one win against a team with a winning record and they play the kind of basketball only a blind person could love.

Given the sad state of affairs of this “rivalry,” is there anything worse you can do with your time than watch $200 million worth of disappointment battle for fourth place in the Atlantic Division? We’ll leave that up to you with our “Would Your Rather: Knicks vs. Nets” edition. (more…)

08/25/14 8:24am
A Times editor ponders the best cultural reference to insert into a story about Brooklyn

A Times editor ponders the best cultural reference to insert into a story about Brooklyn

In 1883, the Brooklyn Bridge opened, in 1898 Brooklyn was incorporated into New York City, in 2012 the Nets came to Brooklyn and in April of that year borough’s first artisanal mayonnaise store finally opened. But none of those matter because the real marker of a new era of Brooklyn came two years ago when HBO dropped Girls into the world. At least that’s according to the New York Times, who have found the need to use the show as the defining cultural benchmark of modern Brooklyn, in stories about abusive landlords, political intrigue, bar reviews and last week’s story on middle class newcomers being priced out of Brooklyn. Despite the fact that Girls has only existed for 29 months, the show has popped up in 15 articles the Times has written about Brooklyn, proving that you can’t spell Brooklyn without G-I-R-L-S. (more…)

06/09/14 9:47am
summer reading

Kind of like this, but at a much louder, more crowded beach. via Flickr user Haceme un 14

Yep, it’s the season for beach reads and summer reading lists. We may be stuck in our cubicles but our minds are on a tropical island somewhere, Singapore Sling in one hand and sexy summah romance novel in the other. Or if you’re like me, you’re in the shaded backyard of a bar hoping that cute girl drinking a beer one the table over there will inquire about your Norton Critical Edition of Don Quixote (the Ormsby translation, naturally) and reveal that she’s a learned scholar in all things Cervantes and would certainly love to get together for drinks and talk about 17th century European literature how’s Tuesday sound perfect here’s my number.

So what’s the rest of team Brokelyn reading this summah? (more…)

06/06/14 8:00am
Piper and Larry in their Park Slope home, failing at the juice cleanse like so many before them.

Piper and Larry in their Park Slope home, failing at a juice cleanse, like so many before them.

Who’s ready to go back to prison? Happy Orange is the New Black season 2 day! All 13 new episodes of the majorly binge-able hit Netflix dramedy dropped overnight, giving you lots more Piper and Alex, Taystee and  Poussey and Pornstache and Crazy Eyes to destroy your weekend plans. The show mercifully shatters stereotypes about women characters on TV, giving us body and sexuality types that would only appear on a network show if all TV executives were actually thrown in SHU.

Of course, the show is based on the memoir of real-life Park Sloper Piper Kerman. While season 1 gave us lots of flashback scenes to Piper’s yuppie life in Brooklyn — and plenty of digs at Brooklyn idiosyncrasies, from juice cleanses to a writer character who lives off his parents — it also contains some full on references only people who know the borough would appreciate.
(more…)

05/27/14 2:25pm
Were you having a regular conversation that was rudely interrupted by a Macklemore track? You've experienced microgrentrification

Were you having a regular conversation that was rudely interrupted by a Macklemore track? You’ve experienced microgrentrification

Small-batch, single origin, made-to-order… in a globalized world made for the masses, small and locally available quantities of things really turn us on—especially in Brooklyn. You’ve undoubtedly heard plenty of talk about microbreweries, micro-kitchens, micro-apartments and microblogging. If you’re extra cool, you might have heard of things like microaggression or the self-proclaimed ‘micromuseum‘ on Union Street dedicated entirely to the Gowanus Canal. In the spirit, we here at Brokelyn thought it’d be pretty nice to hook you up with some more micro-slang to impress your Brooklyn-based buddies at your next small-batch social gathering.

(more…)

05/13/14 4:30pm
GODZILLA

Nope. No fucking way

New York has faced numerous challenges in its time as an incorporated city. Tammany Hall and its politicos who looted the treasury like it was their own personal piggybank. Robert Moses, financial mismanagement, the 1977 blackout looting, the crack epidemic, September 11, Hurricane Sandy. The city has come through those and many more challenges, which gives us a certain sense of confidence. We’re clearly drunk on said confidence though, since the Office of Emergency Management is giving multiple interviews insisting that New York is perfectly capable of reacting to an attack by Godzilla, King of the Monsters.  (more…)

04/18/14 3:57pm
broad city high times

For real, this photo is 420 pixels high.

Hi if you’re a narc or a square please kindly X out of this post and read this instead, but for the rest of you, relax! It’s Friday! And Sunday is egg-laying rabbit day or something, but it’s also 4/20, that most highest of holidays. Let us take a moment to acquaint you with your 4/20 spirit guides for this year’s holiday, the ladies of Broad City. Not only are Abbi and Ilana, the two young New Yorkers on the show, unabashed stoners, they’re lady bro stoners, the likes of which have never been seen on TV before.

We live in a time when the President Choom Gang says weed is less harmful thank alcohol, Broad City is a hit and space bongs are everywhere. The future is here and it has the munchies. Take it away, broads:  (more…)