03/17/17 5:01pm
Imagine never having to play human Tetris again. Photo via Wiki

Imagine never having to play human Tetris again. Photo via Wiki

This Sunday, the fare for weekly and monthly MetroCards will go up respectively to $32 (from $31) and $121 (from $116.50). There will also be a variety of other cuts impacting the “round trip bonus” which is that thing the MTA pretends is a seductive incentive to put more money on a MetroCard but is really more confusing than it is beneficial and leaves you with an awkward amount of money on your card, as well as the 7-day express bus plus card. (more…)

03/13/17 4:44pm
New York City tomorrow, we assume - via Wikimedia

New York City tomorrow, we assume. Photo via Wikimedia

If you’ve made small talk with a single New Yorker today, you know we’re looking at a monumental blizzard tomorrow. The city has already cancelled school tomorrow and issued a hazardous travel advisory, and the National Weather Service says to expect up to a record-breaking 23 inches of snow. And, while a record-breaking nor’easter two weeks after a 70-degree day might sound like the end of days, it hopefully means you’ll get a snow day (providing your job isn’t in the service industry, very, very important, or able to be accomplished with just a MacBook and some Wi-Fi)! This winter being as mild as it has been, this might be your one and only chance to stay at home while mother nature physically prevents you from doing anything but relax.

With that in mind, we’ve got a few suggestions for what you might need to make the most of your natural disaster, both practical and not so much. (more…)

03/09/17 3:13pm
Something about the statue - via Wikimedia

Lady Liberty participated in the Day Without a Woman this week. Photo via Wikimedia

In a poignant (albeit random and totally unplanned) display, the Statue of Liberty went dark for a few hours Tuesday night due to a Parks Service lighting mix-up. Accidental or not, the blackout’s timing couldn’t have been better, coming days after the release of President Trump’s new travel ban (hell, The New Yorker even called it a month ago) and minutes before International Women’s Day, as if to say that Lady Liberty herself was striking alongside her sisters (early because she’s still on France time, obviously). But 2017 is a rough year for everyone, not just giant green women, so why should the Statue of Liberty be the only inanimate object protesting? Not to worry, we’ve got a few ideas of how the rest of the city’s non-human inhabitants might follow Lib’s lead and get in on the protest game. (more…)

02/14/17 11:35am

Perhaps you’re finding it hard to feel much in the mood for lurve today, seeing as the state of national politics presently falls somewhere between wilted three-week-old-bodega-flowers and a heart-shaped box full of carob-covered bed bugs and chlamydia. So if you’re not in the mood to make DIY chocolate treats, no one would blame you. Instead you might just want to consider the activity that truly matches what’s in our hearts right now: drinking heavily in a dimly lit dive bar.

Last year, Bushwick’s Bootleg Bar celebrated its second anniversary by releasing a truly amazing and outrageously bonkers retro-style commercial mashing up 80s-style car dealership spots and local TV ads. This year it’s back to celebrate Valentine’s Day with the above video, which it describes as “Eraserhead meets a 1-900 commercial.” It’s disturbing and dark and a little unnerving, making it the perfect video to watch on Valentine’s Day 2017. Damnit, I need a drink already. (more…)

02/08/17 11:39am
This Greenpoint laundromat charges double to wash your filthy Trump clothes

Photo by Tim Donnelly/Brokelyn.

It’s been three months since the election and we’ll still probably never get used to seeing the occasional Make America Great Again hat on the subway. Its presence seems like a glitch or a fleck of dirt on your laptop screen you keep trying to rub away. Greenpoint in particular is not exactly a hotbed of Trump support, but if you do see any Trump-boosting clothing, you can take pleasure in knowing they might be very dirty.

Greenpoint’s joke-loving, pinball-obsessed Sunshine Laundromat has posted the above sign, which I spotted last night, pledging to add a 100 percent surcharge on any laundry containing the Trump name, and donate an equal amount to the American Society for Muslim Advancement. This sign is more joke than threat: it’s doubtful any Trump fans are coming into the pinball speakeasy laundromat in Greenpoint, or if this would actually even be legal (and there are lots of other laundromats nearby anyway). But it’s a further sign of where we’re at as a country: first the bars revolted, then the bodegas took to the streets, then the restaurants took a stand, and now the laundromats are joining in. Nutcracker Salesman Against Trump can’t be far behind.  (more…)

02/03/17 12:27pm
hmmm

Your loss, the rest of the country.

As you know, thousands of Yemeni bodega workers across the city yesterday fed their cats, turned off their coffee pots, shut their gates and went on strike at noon to protest Trump’s Muslim travel ban. The strike and subsequent rally at Borough Hall were met with cheers of solidarity by most New Yorkers. But as New Yorkers asked their Yemini neighbors what they can do to help, the rest of the country was asking: “What the hell is a bodega?”

Twitter users across the country (and some abroad) were stumped when hearing news about the bodega strike yesterday, because they had never heard the word before. Merriam-Webster, better known as the official dictionary of the resistance, reported a spike in people looking up “bodega” yesterday too. We know we’re in our New York bubble here, with our own languages and habits and various ways of telling people to get the f outta here, so let’s take a minute to appreciate the parts of the country that have never known the joy of a store where you can get a hot sandwich, a six-pack, condoms AND mysterious endurance pills at 4am, even during a hurricane. We doubt any of you took your bodega for granted, but you’ll appreciate it even more now.  (more…)

01/19/17 3:12pm

President Obama (god, that feels good) held his last press conference yesterday, and it may be the last of those we have in a while, considering who’s coming in to replace him. Many of us watched glassy-eyed as the POTUS made his final address to the nation last week. Some of us teared up. Some of us broke down. And some of us sang tributes to Obama to the tune of “On my Own” from Les Misérables. 

Or maybe that last one was just Brooklyn-based comedian Marybess Pritchett. In the video above, titled “Please Don’t Go” and sung to the tune of Éponine’s “On My Own,” Pritchett eulogizes Obama and shares her fears for the future after him.

“Without him, the world around me changes/
It’s not fair, get out of there, your house is full of racists!” (more…)

01/09/17 2:13pm
This is how the world ends. This is how the world ends. via Institute for Human Learning

This is how the world ends. This is how the world ends. via Institute for Human Learning

Spoiler alert: The world will come to an end on January 20, 2017. The Mayans may not have predicted this one, but considering we’re just one tweet away from nuclear incineration and the guy with his hand on the keyboard has more enemies than Drake would know what to do with, the end was probably coming soon anyway.

But will it come to NYC, you ask? You bet. Our reputation as a tolerant, progressive-minded city exempt from the kind of hate Trump’s rhetoric incites has long since been sullied, and NYC’s friendly neighborhood GOP is still working from the inside to threaten marginalized groups in our community. Add a stalled cleanup of the Gowanus Canal and funding rollbacks on affordable housing to the pile of federal concerns for health care and women’s rights, and you’ve sure as shit got a local apocalypse. Goodbye, cruel world.

He’s a thought: Before we Brooklynites bid the world adieu, each of us ought to seize the opportunity to do something we never had the guts to do in the borough. You know what we’re talking about— calling bullshit on a gentrifying business, riding the Cyclone with slinkies attached to your chest, taking a big ol’ shit in front of a Starbucks… there any number of Brooklyn fantasies you’ve never dared to play out. Until now.

We’ll help you get started with our own Brokelyn Staff bucket list, and then you can chime in with what you’re planning before the world ends in the comments. Here’s what we’d like to do:  (more…)

12/20/16 12:58pm
We all literally died this year. Via @BrooklynCartoons, one of our favorites from this year.

We all literally died this year. Via @BrooklynCartoons, one of our favorites from this year.

This article appears as part of Brokelyn’s “Year in Review” series, which will continue throughout the week. 

Let’s get pen-sive, because we did a lot of heavy ink-ing over the past 12 months, and we got pretty animated when it came to the election results. We may have not liked the final (Gar)field of candidates, but the whole Clinton Family Circus left us feeling on the Far Side of reality. Sometimes it can feel like we don’t understand people out in the Boondocks of America, but the election sure took a Toles on us here in the cities. Instead of Chast-ising some of our fellow Americans, we have decided Tomine our past posts for year-end content today. Let’s Doonesbury the hatchet and review the Brokelyn year in comics: Some of them will make your woman laugh, some of them will just make your Mankoff. (more…)

12/15/16 11:10am
via Flickr user emma.maria

via Flickr user emma.maria

It was Christmas Eve night down in old Park Slope,
The stockings were hung and they looked pretty dope.
There was a nip in the air, some frost on the ground,
The bodegas stayed open, selling whitefish by the pound.

All the strollers were parked, all the yoga mats rolled,
Elves on Shelves posed for iPhones (that shit’s Facebook gold).
Folks here do all right, if you know what I mean.
They’d left out enough kale chips to turn Santa’s poops green.

But up in her brownstone, Sally Jones sat awake,
With a sense of foreboding she just couldn’t shake.
She’d turned off CNN, closed her browsers with a click,
Then to no one in particular said, “2016 can suck a dick!” (more…)