05/24/16 11:00am
Listen, mom, I'm an artist now, okay?

Listen, mom, I’m an artist now, okay?

The life of a broke millennial is not particularly glamorous. Maybe you’ve got some service industry job to support your pipe dreams, maybe you just graduated and you’re working some internship that will never pay you, or maybe you work for a start-up and just spend a disproportionate amount of money on rent, bar tabs and Takis. You’re on a track, but from the outside looking in, your life isn’t particularly impressive and your parents are starting to ask questions about what’s “next” for you.

So what do you do? How do you bide your time, appease your family and fend off criticism to continue freely living the life of a Brooklyn 20-something? The answer is simple: Become a performance artist. Or, rather, retroactively declare yourself a performance artist. Ashamed of your choices? Well maybe those aren’t your genuine choices, maybe they’re your artistic choices. Are you undateable or is your singlehood a statement on the illusion of love and society’s need to fill a Freudian void? That’s up to you.

Celebrities have already been doing it for years. Shia LaBeouf rented out a whole movie theater to suggest that his so-so career was an act; Adam Sandler regularly just films his vacations and calls them cinema; Joaquin Phoenix got to try rap without looking dumb! To get you started on your personal rebranding campaign, we’ve got a few sample projects and accompanying customizable placards so that even the philistines know what’s up. (more…)

04/08/16 11:57am

My No. 1 reason for not liking ebooks, in addition to the fact that I HATE TREES (jk), is that I get a lot of my reading recommendations from the subway. It’s my own personal New York Times underground book review, where I can see what new books are trending, which old favorites are making a comeback and just how few people are actually reading City on Fire (the grand total still stands at zero). That also makes me a bit of a creepster on your reading habits I guess. Comedian Scott Rogowsky had some fun with this kind of nosiness, reading a series of absurdly titled books on the subway, including Human Taxidermy: A Beginner’s Guide; 101 Penis Lengthening Tips You Can Do At Home, At the Office or On the Go; and Definitely Not Porn.  (more…)

03/22/16 1:00pm

You never can tell what’s coming next in the world of alt-comedy. With two years of an over-the-top variety show in Bushwick, five of a bonafide pun competition (now a home board game) in Gowanus, and that comedy festival Jo Firestone threw inside a car wash, weird has almost become our default setting here in the Brooklyn comedy scene. This latest installment from adultswim is a welcome addition to the canon: local comedian Joe Pera is here to joke you to sleep. (more…)

03/18/16 12:57pm
Do these things bring lotto luck? Irish they did! Photos by Sam Weiss.

Do these things bring lotto luck? Irish they did! Photos by Sam Weiss.

The luck of the Irish: Is it a real thing or just a Disney Channel movie where a leprechaun plays basketball? We’ve all heard of our Celtic friends’ good fortune (fortune that didn’t prevent famine or centuries of oppression), a claim that apparently came from Irish American success in the Gold Rush (and it was kind of a “screw you” at that). Well this St. Patrick’s day, rather than go into Manhattan for LepreCon, I stayed home and used the power of science to investigate this so-called Irish luck.

Now, as a half-Jewish American of mostly Eastern European origin, I’m not exceptionally Irish but I’ve been to Ireland and I own a green hat and certainly Irish culture has been appropriated for less. So, I bought every $1 scratcher at Duane Reade and I embraced someone’s Irish heritage to see if I could leverage it into cold, hard cash. I scratched and I scratched and I wore green and ate dry Lucky Charms and when things weren’t going great, I upped the ante, drank some whiskey and pulled out the old James Joyce to put the luck of the Irish to the test. Here’s how it went: (more…)

03/15/16 11:30am

Remember when Banksy was nightcreepin’ around New York City and everyone was like “oooh anything can be art after all?” That was a special time in our lives and let’s never forget it. So everyone in the art world is constantly coming up with something new and fresh that will capture our attention as much as Banksy-style guerrilla art — or at least a Snapchat story about a high schooler wearing white vans. In that spirit, comedian Matt Barats of Brooklyn’s Annoyance Theater created a video about a “sound graffiti” artist who wanders the concrete-plant industrial wilds of Bushwick looking for “the ugliest sounds possible.” The video, made for IFC’s Video Frogs series, also features Brokelyn’s favorite human Jo Firestone, who desperately needs a muffin. Somebody go to Swallow Cafe and get her a muffin! (more…)

03/04/16 4:08pm
Gaze into the future. (Photo: JJBers)

Gaze into the future. (Photo: JJBers)

Many New Yorkers are apoplectic about the new turkey carcass Oculus WTC PATH train that opened yesterday. Design compromises, incredible delays, and cost overruns of $2 billion dollars have us scratching our heads as to why we spent $4 billion of public funds something that looks like a warped TV antenna. It connects to 11 subway lines and includes shopping, but the reviews are not great, and it managed to be more expensive to build than One World Trade Center.

Far be it from us to criticize such an ambitious, er … endeavor. Hell, we have a hard time just trying to comprehend the number four billion. To put it in perspective, the Brokelyn team has assembled a totally scientific list of marginally more useful things $4 billion could have bought us New Yorkers, in lieu of a glorified stairwell for New Jersey train commuters. (more…)

03/02/16 1:35pm
bernie vs hillary

Which of these young glasses wearers is right for Brooklyn? Find out in a special Brokelyn debate experience.

With the New York primary on April 19 just a few weeks away, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are still both grasping for the youth vote (hey, that’s probably you!). In debate after debate, we’ve seen how Hill and The Bern feel about the economy, gun control, campaign financing and all those other mainstream issues. But what about the issues that matter to you: The young, struggling Brooklynite who’s never actually seen a gun but who has watched The Wire an embarrassing number of times? We’re talking about hard-hitting issues like the L train, café etiquette and dating.

Like most cities, New York’s issues are mostly ignored during the campaign, because even though we are a huge population center full diverse people getting along, we’re somehow not considered an important part of the democratic process. Well Brokelyn is changing that: We asked both candidates to respond to a litany of the Brokelyn community’s most pertinent questions and got you answers*. So here you are: The first ever Brokelyn democratic presidential debate. (more…)

02/05/16 10:23am
2017 .. what a time it will be to be alive.

2017 .. what a time it will be to be alive.

It’s been a strange and often disturbing few years in the Brooklyn food scene. We’ve seen Nutelasagna, cricket bitters, chorizo ice cream and pig-foot pancakes and, frankly, things are just gonna keep getting weirder.

While other publications speculate about this year, we here at Brokelyn are already getting a head start on 2017. After months of research, crystal-gazing and blind-guessing, our in-house R&D team/time scientists bring you our 10 best predictions for what you’ll be eating in 2017 (we hope you like horse).  (more…)

01/28/16 12:09pm
Maybe your choices will land you in Coney, like the old Hannah Horvath. Original photo via Michael Tapp on flickr, edited by Sam Corbin

Maybe your choices will land you in Coney, like Hannah Horvath. via Michael Tapp (Flickr), edited by Sam Corbin

With this recent mess of blizzards, dashed lottery hopes, beloved celebrity deaths and the looming tax season ahead, it sure is shaping up to be a pretty miserable February. These days, even Canada is feeling the squeeze.

But you know what’s always free and easy? Escapism. And if nothing else, using your imagination to dream of a better tomorrow is a lot healthier than wallowing in the sad of today. In that spirit, inspired by our friends who wrote the Choose Your Own Misery series, we’ve put together a clickable mini-adventure called ‘Choose your own Brooklyn.’ Scroll through a series of either-or options in various scenarios, and watch as your morning commute to a dream job interview devolves into madness. Will you get the job? Choose, and find out. (more…)

01/05/16 3:48pm
Can anyone hope to fill these shoes? via Yelp user Jice E.

Can anyone hope to fill these shoes? via Yelp user Jice E.

After nearly 40 years in the business of making people look different than they normally look, Dr. Zizmor, the most culturally-referenced dermatologist in New York City, is retiring. Even though nothing can truly stop the driving arrow of time (as evidenced by Zizmor’s current appearance), the good doctor had us all mystified and even comforted by his gaudy, rainbow-colored ads that adorned the subway cars of New York City.

So, who will come to be New York City’s next bastion of banner advertising in Zizmor’s wake? Whose mug will manage to interrupt the ever-increasing streams of Seamless ads and Oscar health insurance puns as our new mascot? The Brokelyn staff put their heads together and came up with a few ideas. (more…)