06/21/16 12:53pm
Quiz! How many roommates can you live with (without killing one of them)?

Can you survive enough roommates to be a cool millennial trend or nah? Take our quiz to find out!

Upon moving into my first two-bedroom apartment off-campus while attending school in Detroit, I was ready to prove to everyone (mostly my mom) that I was responsible enough to take care of myself. I could pay bills and do my own laundry, sure! No, I didn’t have a panic attack the first time I had to buy my own groceries (yes, I did), because little did I know that with having roommates kind of meant having to take care of them, too.

Now at 24, I’m currently in my fourth apartment and have had a total of nine very eccentric roommates over the past four years. I’ve got some stories, man, of roommates dropping acid and spending electric money on indian food, battling mice and possums, waking up in the morning to find someone from a very popular show on Broadway had slept over in my friend’s bed, finding strangers sleeping in my bathtub, etc. The list goes on and on, and in those trying moments of patience, I’ve found myself questioning whether or not these so-called roommates were going to be the death of me. Should I be living alone?  (more…)

06/19/16 2:36pm
Via Flickr's Chris Goldberg.

Via Flickr’s Chris Goldberg.

With grad season coming to a close, we collectively find ourselves rapidly approaching the Season of Dad. But Father’s Day, unlike graduation day, seems to have a surprising lack of ubiquitous traditions. Sure, some people may have the luxury of a miniature fire escape grill, or a handsome Ikea toolbox, but prototypical he-man activities don’t quite scream “dad” the way they did before we moved out of our parent’s basement.

So what’s a non-dad dude or dudette to do this day? Recent adults might just be realizing that their friends may have multiple father figures, may have lost the man who was always there for them, or may have become daddies themselves. How can we collectively traditionalize the Day of Dad so that all can enjoy?

I propose any fellow non-dads reclaim this and every third Sunday of June as “Dads for the Day.” Don’t just celebrate your dad bod, swap your PBR for a Bud Light and roll out to soccer practice with your dad squad! Those half-baked puns locked away in your childlike head? Set them free under the groan-producing guise of dad humor instead. Here’s your guide to dadding out in Brooklyn today. (more…)

06/02/16 10:03am

Brokelyn Last month, Brooklyn’s first permanent cat cafe opened in Brooklyn Heights where you can go snuggle with cats for $5 per half hour/pay $5 to have a historically violent 30-minute allergy attack. Now the Brooklyn Cat Cafe has upped the cute factor by installing a 24/7 kitten cam, which, according to DNAinfo, is focused on five-week-old kittens named Jem, Rumple and Jelly romping around their “kitten terrarium”with mother Grizbella until they’re eight weeks old. Gaze in catatonic wonder at the kitten cam and it’s soothing playfulness, no Claritin required.  (more…)

06/01/16 11:15am
Punderdome the card game: A wordy reason to stay indoors this summer. Photo by Meghan Stephens/Brokelyn.

Punderdome the card game: A wordy reason to stay indoors this summer. Photo by Meghan Stephens/Brokelyn.

Last night, Team Brokelyn joined up with Punderdome at Halyards bar to present a special sneak preview of the hottest card game of the summer: the Punderdome home game. We drank some gin and rummy cocktails, had some laughs, heard from our expert punel featuring John Pollack (author of The Pun Also Rises), Alex Petri (a punner and Washington Post columnist) and Jerzy Gwiazdowski (reigning O. Henry “Punniest of Show” champ) and got to try out the game before it’s on shelves.

Consider it cards against banality in a world where you want to harness the magic the gathering of friends can create. But don’t steal this game (you’ll end up in the pokey, mon! In solitaire confinement, no less): If you’ve got your hearts set on it, you can pre-order it online now or wait for it to come out on June 21 — and Brokelyn will have more copies to give away this summer so stay tuned!  The competition might not phase 10 of your friends, but for the rest it will be war (u no what I mean?) and it’s good for anyone older than cribb age. We gathered a sampling of some of the puns made last night, so if you felt like an asshole for not attending, you can go fish for some ideas of how it works here. Now after all these card game puns I’m going to throw myself off a bridge in Cairo, but hopefully the Egyptian rats crew team will rescue me.  (more…)

05/24/16 11:00am
The struggling Brooklynite's guide to turning your entire life into a performance art piece

Listen, mom, I’m an artist now, okay?

The life of a broke millennial is not particularly glamorous. Maybe you’ve got some service industry job to support your pipe dreams, maybe you just graduated and you’re working some internship that will never pay you, or maybe you work for a start-up and just spend a disproportionate amount of money on rent, bar tabs and Takis. You’re on a track, but from the outside looking in, your life isn’t particularly impressive and your parents are starting to ask questions about what’s “next” for you.

So what do you do? How do you bide your time, appease your family and fend off criticism to continue freely living the life of a Brooklyn 20-something? The answer is simple: Become a performance artist. Or, rather, retroactively declare yourself a performance artist. Ashamed of your choices? Well maybe those aren’t your genuine choices, maybe they’re your artistic choices. Are you undateable or is your singlehood a statement on the illusion of love and society’s need to fill a Freudian void? That’s up to you.

Celebrities have already been doing it for years. Shia LaBeouf rented out a whole movie theater to suggest that his so-so career was an act; Adam Sandler regularly just films his vacations and calls them cinema; Joaquin Phoenix got to try rap without looking dumb! To get you started on your personal rebranding campaign, we’ve got a few sample projects and accompanying customizable placards so that even the philistines know what’s up. (more…)

04/08/16 11:57am

My No. 1 reason for not liking ebooks, in addition to the fact that I HATE TREES (jk), is that I get a lot of my reading recommendations from the subway. It’s my own personal New York Times underground book review, where I can see what new books are trending, which old favorites are making a comeback and just how few people are actually reading City on Fire (the grand total still stands at zero). That also makes me a bit of a creepster on your reading habits I guess. Comedian Scott Rogowsky had some fun with this kind of nosiness, reading a series of absurdly titled books on the subway, including Human Taxidermy: A Beginner’s Guide; 101 Penis Lengthening Tips You Can Do At Home, At the Office or On the Go; and Definitely Not Porn.  (more…)

03/22/16 1:00pm

You never can tell what’s coming next in the world of alt-comedy. With two years of an over-the-top variety show in Bushwick, five of a bonafide pun competition (now a home board game) in Gowanus, and that comedy festival Jo Firestone threw inside a car wash, weird has almost become our default setting here in the Brooklyn comedy scene. This latest installment from adultswim is a welcome addition to the canon: local comedian Joe Pera is here to joke you to sleep. (more…)

03/18/16 12:57pm
Do these things bring lotto luck? Irish they did! Photos by Sam Weiss.

Do these things bring lotto luck? Irish they did! Photos by Sam Weiss.

The luck of the Irish: Is it a real thing or just a Disney Channel movie where a leprechaun plays basketball? We’ve all heard of our Celtic friends’ good fortune (fortune that didn’t prevent famine or centuries of oppression), a claim that apparently came from Irish American success in the Gold Rush (and it was kind of a “screw you” at that). Well this St. Patrick’s day, rather than go into Manhattan for LepreCon, I stayed home and used the power of science to investigate this so-called Irish luck.

Now, as a half-Jewish American of mostly Eastern European origin, I’m not exceptionally Irish but I’ve been to Ireland and I own a green hat and certainly Irish culture has been appropriated for less. So, I bought every $1 scratcher at Duane Reade and I embraced someone’s Irish heritage to see if I could leverage it into cold, hard cash. I scratched and I scratched and I wore green and ate dry Lucky Charms and when things weren’t going great, I upped the ante, drank some whiskey and pulled out the old James Joyce to put the luck of the Irish to the test. Here’s how it went: (more…)

03/15/16 11:30am

Remember when Banksy was nightcreepin’ around New York City and everyone was like “oooh anything can be art after all?” That was a special time in our lives and let’s never forget it. So everyone in the art world is constantly coming up with something new and fresh that will capture our attention as much as Banksy-style guerrilla art — or at least a Snapchat story about a high schooler wearing white vans. In that spirit, comedian Matt Barats of Brooklyn’s Annoyance Theater created a video about a “sound graffiti” artist who wanders the concrete-plant industrial wilds of Bushwick looking for “the ugliest sounds possible.” The video, made for IFC’s Video Frogs series, also features Brokelyn’s favorite human Jo Firestone, who desperately needs a muffin. Somebody go to Swallow Cafe and get her a muffin! (more…)

03/04/16 4:08pm
Gaze into the future. (Photo: JJBers)

Gaze into the future. (Photo: JJBers)

Many New Yorkers are apoplectic about the new turkey carcass Oculus WTC PATH train that opened yesterday. Design compromises, incredible delays, and cost overruns of $2 billion dollars have us scratching our heads as to why we spent $4 billion of public funds something that looks like a warped TV antenna. It connects to 11 subway lines and includes shopping, but the reviews are not great, and it managed to be more expensive to build than One World Trade Center.

Far be it from us to criticize such an ambitious, er … endeavor. Hell, we have a hard time just trying to comprehend the number four billion. To put it in perspective, the Brokelyn team has assembled a totally scientific list of marginally more useful things $4 billion could have bought us New Yorkers, in lieu of a glorified stairwell for New Jersey train commuters. (more…)