It is a common fact that the only reason people in America have beards in this day and age is because they were transfixed by the trendy face sorcery mastered by the young men of Brooklyn, who trained themselves to push hair follicles through their face seemingly with little effort, and sometimes even while sleeping. This is why the Times informed us that the “Brooklyn beard” went mainstream this year, and why DNAinfo pins this beard transplant surgery trend squarely on “the hipsters from Williamsburg to Park Slope.” While it seems nearly inconceivable that anyone outside of Brooklyn could figure out how to grow a beard, we did some digging: did you know that people who do not live in Brooklyn, or even Portland, have beards? We found as many as 30 examples: (more…)
Hate your job? Well, you’re not alone. Many, many Americans do, and constantly dream of marching into their boss’ fancy office, knocking over their coffee and telling them “I’m going to start looking at pornography on company time because I’m starting my own company! I quit!” A major stumbling block to that blissful paradise of setting your own hours and the elimination of NSFW warnings is giving your company a name. Enter the Brooklyn Business Name Generator. (more…)
Oh god, it’s all ending. via Flickr user minusbaby
Welll, here we are…Labor Day weekend. Your dreams of a BEST SUMMER EVAR dashed agains the rocks of the jetties, leaving you with merely the memories of what could have been instead of what was. If only you hadn’t taken it easy those first couple weeks. You should have planned better. If only you’d been invited camping. Yep, rather than greet the end of the summer with a stiff upper lip and stoicism, we’re going to dwell like some lousy teenager binging on the Smiths. Because we want more summer, but the world won’t listen. (more…)
VENTURE! Why is the landlord calling looking for back rent?
We know how it is with Craigslist roommate searches. Put up one too many boring ads and the next thing you know, you’ve actually, literally died of boredom and need to be revived by a trained EMT. So you put together something that you think is “fun” and “clever,” about looking for a roommate and an archenemy. But here’s the thing: there are rules in a civilized society, and one of those rules is that you can’t live in an apartment with your archenemy. (more…)
You guys. We’re having a party on at Last Exit on Sunday because fuck the VMAs and their street closures and conceit of celebrating an art form that MTV only partakes in late at night when there are no more Teen Mom re-runs to air. We’ve shared the awesome drink menu with you, we’ve let you know there will be a Duran Duran board game and Floam. We’re trying to get Colin Quinn there by pure force of will. If you’re not excited about this party, we bet this will push you over the top: a bunch of librarians who re-shot the “Sabotage” video, but it’s about stealing books instead of doing whatever nebulous crime was happening in the original. Because we’ll be damned if MTV is going to pay tribute to Adam Yauch better than we do. (more…)
SORRY CAN’T HEAR YOU TALKING ABOUT CBGB IT’S TOO LOUD IN HERE via Shea Stadium Tumblr
In Manhattan, they replaced CBGB with a luxury menswear shop, and The Palladium was turned into an NYU dorm. In Brooklyn, they turned an anonymous warehouse into Shea Stadium and turned Silent Barn into a better Silent Barn. Nostalgia humpers can have the past, we’re too busy enjoying the awesome venues (and disgusting bathrooms) of 2013. (more…)
People of the Park Slope Farmer’s Market, take heed, you have a double dipper in your midst. At least according to a local cameraman who passed this video to Fucked in Park Slope. Check out the account he gave them for the full story, and if you’re out at the Farmer’s Market, don’t do this. (more…)
Young Jessica Walter could totally get it. It = Afternoon delight.
Before you go into a two-day long Arrested Development binge-watching cocoon super late tomorrow night, let’s take a moment to appreciate one of the show’s finest actors, a total pro in the business and one of the sexiest creatures we have ever laid eyes on: Lucille Bluth (her?). Jessica Walter, the actress who plays the wicked matron Lucille, is actually a Brooklyn native, born here on Jan. 31, 1941.
So we all know her as the witholding, curly fry hating, former Motherboy champ from Arrested, which makes its glorious return to Netflix at 3 a.m. Sunday east coast time. But Walter has given us so many more roles, and we love her for her crackling wit, her stellar timing and that kind of aged actorial wisdom you only get from slugging it out in the trenches of the industry for decades, making her one of the best on-screen mothers of all time. If you still ask whether she is truly a modern treasure after reading this, we don’t understand the question, and we won’t respond to it. (more…)
Family Circus continues to survive today, against all odds. But thanks to the internet, an important question as been both asked, and answered: “What if Family Circus were set in Park Slope?” We have the answer in Park Slope Family Circus, which repurposes the rarely amusing single-strip cartoons to show us kids who are unimpressed with BAM, eat fancy ice cream and go to GoogaMooga. Hey! We do that too! Anyway, it’s all done by Erin Bradley, so thanks Erin, bored cubicle dwellers across Kings County salute you.
Finally, somewhere to outfit your mouth with hipness. (Photography: Marco Novak; picture: A BANDA MAIS BONITA DA CIDADE/Curitiba/Brazil)
As you may have heard, not only is Williamsburg getting that Urban Outfitters it’s always needed, but the company is applying for a liquor license to open a cafe within the store. Befitting any major destination drinking spot in Brooklyn these days, they’re going to have an extensive artisanal cocktail menu, which sources close to the company have leaked to Brokelyn. Presented for your perusal, an exclusive first look at the menu of Cafe Urban Outfitters: (more…)