10/19/16 2:00pm
You're gonna need this.

You’re gonna need this.

You may be feeling a lot of anxiety going into tonight’s final presidential debate, and that’s completely understandable. Presidential debates are both serious and consequential, and in this election cycle one orange-haired outcome is truly dire.

That’s why we created our favorite coping mechanism, the Brokelyn Debates drinking game (which we’ve updated for the final round). You might remember our game from the last election between O-bummer and Mitt Zombie. Everyone knows that politics is better when you’re tipsy, so why not make it official with a few rules and regulations that’ll help you deal with everything that comes out of anyone’s mouth tonight?

Unlike the debate itself, nothing you do in this game is going to affect who becomes our next president. The game is fully playable and within your rights to modify if you start vomiting halfway through. Print out this post or pull it up on your smartphones to play during the debates, either at one of these watch parties in BK or on your very own free stream at home. Cheers to democracy!  (more…)

10/11/16 10:57am
You know Hermione never has late fees.

You know Hermione never has late fees.

Keep your sweaters, keep your decorative gourds, keep your pumpkin spice anything. There’s only one thing I care about in the fall: WITCHES.

That’s right, witches. I love witches. I love stylish Ryan Murphy witches that fire off snappy dialogue. I love animated Disney witches that straight-up try to murder people in a children’s movie. I love aspiring teenage witches in the suburbs that are too old to like horses, but too young to do drugs so they play Light As A Feather, Stiff As A Board at weekend slumber parties.

And why not? Witches are awesome. Not only are they reclaimed feminist icons, but they also DO MAGIC. As soon as Halloween hysteria gets in full swing, and Hocus Pocus is on heavy rotation on cable, I start calling the corners.

Walking the streets of Brooklyn, it’s tough not to see witches all around you. Every block is seemingly studded with stylish girls dressed in black with dark lipstick and wide-brimmed hats. (Or maybe that’s just the HAIM sisters.) And let’s not forget the actual coven of witches in Bushwick.

To celebrate the season of the witch, we’ve rounded up 10 of our favorite pop culture witches to represent Brooklyn neighborhoods. Take a look at which witch we picked for your hood in the list below. (more…)

10/03/16 10:24am

Everyone’s dealing with their rising election panic differently today. Some of us are sending dick lollipops to Donald Trump; some of us are phone banking for Hillary; and some of us are trolling New York City with prank election announcements to gauge just how ready America is for the possibility of a Trump presidency.

Brokelyn’s favorite Nathan for You-style prankster, Tyler Fischer — last seen posing as a couples’ therapist in IKEA took to the streets yesterday posing as a BBC reporter. He chose various public places to host a fake newscast, reporting loudly to a fake cameraman that Hillary Clinton had dropped out of the presidential race. (more…)

09/28/16 1:00pm
Taking it to the streets — via Flickr user Gord McKenna

Taking it to the streets — via Flickr user Gord McKenna

Street names are underused form of public salute. Every once in a while we change one to celebrate a former mayor or something, but for the most part we’re stuck with boring old numbers and letters.

Coney Island hot dog tycoons Nathan and Ida Handwerker got their own street earlier this summer. Bensonhurst Bean reports that the neighborhood is renaming several more streets after its local heroes over the next few weeks. But why should hot dog celebrities and war heroes get to have all the recognition? They already have that other stuff.  Here’s a list of 10 underrated Brooklynites and honorary locals that we’d like to see given their own street names. (more…)

09/26/16 3:30pm
They're coming for our books - via Flickr user Jans Canon

They’re coming for our books – via Flickr user Jans Canon

Suck it, monkeys: Pigeons can read now, apparently. As Popular Science reported last week, our feathered frenemies may actually be able to comprehend, or at least recognize, written language. A new study from the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that pigeons, with some training, were able to recognize 26 to 58 words, which is just a few steps away from being able to read books (and, presumably, eventually killing us all).

Rather than run in fear, we here at Brokelyn have decided to welcome our rat-bird overlords with a little reading guide. These guys mostly live in New York City, after all, so once they get the grasp of a few more words they’re bound to be hanging around the Strand and going to readings with the rest of us. Here are the ten books any self-respecting pigeon in the city needs in order to stay relevant. (more…)

08/31/16 5:02pm
Would you believe it if it happened to you?

Would you believe it if it happened to you?

MADMAX: Beset by the horror of young people ruining everything from bar soap and sex to cereal and cars, and also swayed by Donald Trump’s anti-immigrant rhetoric, Joyce and friends form the group MADMAX: Mothers Against Drunk Millennials (Also Xenophobic).

THE BOY WHO CAME BACK TO LIFE: After a science bro who previously ghosted Joyce in college sees on social media that she hangs out at Freehold, he re-emerges to sext her incessantly using only light signals.

THE PUMPKIN PATCH: The latest in the trend of single-item specialty boutiques in Brooklyn, The Pumpkin Patch is a new store opening in Bushwick that only sells pumpkin-spiced items. Steve works here part time to save money for hair gel. (more…)

08/16/16 4:50pm
This Banana of New York is nostalgic for the bad ole days. All photos via Bananas of New York.

This Banana of New York is nostalgic for the bad ole days. All photos via Bananas of New York.

Since Humans of New York first littered our social media feeds with faux-deep musings alongside photos of strangers, a whole crop of parodies have emerged. There’s been Millenials of New York, which is pretty “meh”; The Dogist, which is not so much a parody, but a superior, dog version; and in July, a Pokemon of New York came out as a perfectly absurd companion to the nonsensical summer craze.

But now, we’ve reached a whole new level of of New York-isms: Bananas of New York. Word of the latest HONY spin-off slipped into the Brokelyn tip box at exactly the right moment on this oppressive afternoon, rescuing me from being mauled by flying cockroaches and Tim from getting his foot caught in what at first appeared to be a mini-golf hole, but was soon to open up into a sinkhole the size of Sheepshead Bay.

“It’s like Humans of New York, but for banana peels I found on the street,” creator Vincent Moore wrote to us in an email. LOL. Here are some of our favorites so far. (more…)

08/01/16 12:46pm
Screen Shot 2016-07-30 at 2.01.14 PM

They say Brooklyn is like summer camp but it’s actually way better.  via  @gabriellaregina / IG

Even amidst the ghastlier headlines in the news these days, you can wipe the sweat from your brow knowing that you decided to live in Brooklyn: land of progressives, personal freedoms and Pokémon bar crawls.

And these are just a few items on a long laundry list of small pleasures you may take for granted as a Brooklynite. Lucky for you, I’m working a brief stint at a summer camp in Northern Canada! I am writing to you from this vantage to remind you of a few things you can do in Brooklyn that you can’t do anywhere else, and especially not at Canadian summer camp. (more…)