02/05/16 10:23am
2017 .. what a time it will be to be alive.

2017 .. what a time it will be to be alive.

It’s been a strange and often disturbing few years in the Brooklyn food scene. We’ve seen Nutelasagna, cricket bitters, chorizo ice cream and pig-foot pancakes and, frankly, things are just gonna keep getting weirder.

While other publications speculate about this year, we here at Brokelyn are already getting a head start on 2017. After months of research, crystal-gazing and blind-guessing, our in-house R&D team/time scientists bring you our 10 best predictions for what you’ll be eating in 2017 (we hope you like horse).  (more…)

01/28/16 12:09pm
Maybe your choices will land you in Coney, like the old Hannah Horvath. Original photo via Michael Tapp on flickr, edited by Sam Corbin

Maybe your choices will land you in Coney, like Hannah Horvath. via Michael Tapp (Flickr), edited by Sam Corbin

With this recent mess of blizzards, dashed lottery hopes, beloved celebrity deaths and the looming tax season ahead, it sure is shaping up to be a pretty miserable February. These days, even Canada is feeling the squeeze.

But you know what’s always free and easy? Escapism. And if nothing else, using your imagination to dream of a better tomorrow is a lot healthier than wallowing in the sad of today. In that spirit, inspired by our friends who wrote the Choose Your Own Misery series, we’ve put together a clickable mini-adventure called ‘Choose your own Brooklyn.’ Scroll through a series of either-or options in various scenarios, and watch as your morning commute to a dream job interview devolves into madness. Will you get the job? Choose, and find out. (more…)

01/05/16 3:48pm
Can anyone hope to fill these shoes? via Yelp user Jice E.

Can anyone hope to fill these shoes? via Yelp user Jice E.

After nearly 40 years in the business of making people look different than they normally look, Dr. Zizmor, the most culturally-referenced dermatologist in New York City, is retiring. Even though nothing can truly stop the driving arrow of time (as evidenced by Zizmor’s current appearance), the good doctor had us all mystified and even comforted by his gaudy, rainbow-colored ads that adorned the subway cars of New York City.

So, who will come to be New York City’s next bastion of banner advertising in Zizmor’s wake? Whose mug will manage to interrupt the ever-increasing streams of Seamless ads and Oscar health insurance puns as our new mascot? The Brokelyn staff put their heads together and came up with a few ideas. (more…)

10/22/15 3:56pm

It’s Thursday, brokesters, which means we’re asking the big questions over here at Brokelyn HQ, so that we can spend our weekends pondering over the things that really matter. Sure, there are political elections. Sure, there’s the World Series. But why isn’t anybody pitting Lena Dunham head-to-fuzzy-head against Swedish Chef?

Listen, it wasn’t too long ago we all looked on—mildly horrified—as a costumed Lena Dunham did some kind of strange interpretive puppet lip-dub to Sia’s “Chandelier” on Seth Meyers’ SNL Weekend Update. And just last week, a SoundCloud user uploaded a very accurate impression of the Muppets’ Swedish Chef performing the very same song. (more…)

09/24/15 3:53pm
Milkshake squirrel doesn't need a straw. via Youtube

Milkshake squirrel doesn’t need a straw. via Youtube

Earlier this week, a rat carrying a slice of pizza down the New York City subway stairs took the internet by storm. Today, a squirrel climbing into a garbage and successfully opening a Shake Shack milkshake swooped in to usurp the crown.

The only question remains: which one do you choose to bear the flag? Who is the city’s truer mascot? The feral, iconic rodent toting Old New York in its teeth, barely seeing the way ahead but determined to hold fast to what little he owns? Or the lesser-known woodland creature using artisan’s savvy to go where few dare to, and uncork the iconic beverage of a New Era, in the service of a private moment of bliss?  (more…)

09/17/15 3:42pm
Maybe laughing at the debt will make it go away. via IAFTV

Maybe laughing at the debt will make it go away. via IAFTV

Student loan debt is a very real, very sad part of going to college in the United States. But hey, that doesn’t mean we can’t laugh about it, or at least commiserate together and compare numbers. Internet Action Force posted a video asking millennials whether they ever thought they’d pay off their debt. The results aren’t shocking. (more…)

This is what $500,000 gets you, folks.  (via NYT)

This is what $500,000 gets you, folks. (via NYT)

I recently received a Google news alert, i.e. an ad, for a condo in Clinton Hill. I’m not in the market, but something struck me about the property. Not its precious name (Aperture 538) or the severe appointments, but its price tag: a staggering half-million dollars for a 533 square-foot studio. That is sheer lunacy — why would anyone pay that much for such a tiny space? Yeah, yeah, location, location, location. The ad says, “Clinton Hill is an ideal neighborhood to call home…”, which is true if you have no concept of the value of money. But I do; so I wondered if that cash would be better spent buying somewhere less desirable and simply visiting Brooklyn every weekend. (more…)

08/04/15 3:00pm
BBP's pop-up pool. Photo by Julienne Schaer

BBP’s pop-up pool. Photo by Julienne Schaer

Oh, for the love of all that is a visual of Michelle Williams clutching Jonathan Safran Foer’s tight little body, we know already. We know about the heat. You know it’s hot, we know it’s hot, and it doesn’t have to be the End of Days. Summertime in this city has always been brutal—and remember winter, guys? We should thank our lucky stars we only have to wear one layer outdoors.

The heat won’t last forever. But while it’s here, why not find some creative ways to deal with it instead of kvetching? In the spirit of summer, the Brokelyn staff got together and submitted a list of cheap ways to beat the heat without breaking the bank. (more…)

07/23/15 4:40pm
Websites are hip, right? via Ironstate Development/The Daily News

Websites are hip, right? via Ironstate Development/The Daily News

Staten Island is the new Brooklyn (again)! Let’s leave the tired premise of searching for the next Brooklyn aside for a moment (maybe forever) and focus instead on this: according to the Daily News the name of the big project that’s going to lure dumb millennials over the Verrazano Bridge is an apartment complex called URL. That is…quite a name. Of course, URL is now taken, and you still need to slap a millennial-friendly name on your development. Since we’re still young and have somewhat kind hearts, allow us to help you save money on consultants with these suggested names for your next millennial-bating building. (more…)

07/15/15 1:41pm
Amazon right now. Image via Flickr user Walter Pereantau

How everyone views Amazon right now. Image via Flickr user Walter Parentau

Today is Amazon’s 20th birthday, to celebrate it, they’re having a Black Friday in July type event called “Prime Day” and like so many other 20th birthdays, it’s been incredibly hyped about on social media, and it’s a huge disappointment. All of the suckers (we mean people) who signed up for Amazon Prime to take advantage of the price cuts that were advertised as being way better than regular Black Friday deals are expressing their outrage and disappointment on Twitter (where else?). Here, some of the more colorful complaints:  (more…)