04/15/14 12:01pm

Cleveland man comes to Brooklyn, meets Clevelanders [Plain Dealer]
Ha ha, Gen X is getting old [Salon]
Nathan’s and General Tso’s chicken have Tribeca Film Festival documentaries [Gothamist]
Gross gefilte fish in short supply this year [DNA Info]
Local politicians want returning Iraq, Afghanistan vets to have a parade [Sheepshead Bites]
Weather wizards make a bunch of shit up about our coming summer [New York Post]
Newspaper owner allegedly destroying pretty East Village garden [EV Grieve]
Brooklyn has a new sneaker start up [Crain's]

04/15/14 11:00am
nyc condom

First thing you see when you walk in a Dominican pharmacy. via Facebook

Remember New York’s sex crisis, in which 68% of New Yorkers said they never used condoms when boning? Hopefully you do, and you remembered to wear two from now on. But, new news today suggest that people are using NYC Condoms at least. It’s just that the people using them are in the Dominican Republic, where smuggled NYC Condoms are winding up being sold for 50 cents each according to the Daily News. (more…)

04/15/14 10:07am
welcome to night vale

Yes, the eyes sometimes blink. But not always. And not right now. But they will. via Facebook

Good morning. If it is morning where you’re reading this, and since the city council’s ordinance making it always morning, of course it is! You might have noticed an uptick yesterday night morning in instances of pets howling, attempted human sacrifice, portals to other world’s in your local bodega’s beer fridge and your Seamless order showing up before you even put the order through.

It wasn’t because of the blood moon though, it was because of cosmic shifts related to another rare event in our life sphere: podcast Welcome to Night Vale has announced a live taping, their second anniversary show in fact, happening just across the river on the mysterious island of Manhattan, on June 4. Tickets going on sale on Friday at noon, provided there is a Friday this week. Of which, there is no guarantee that we don’t get stuck repeating Thursday over and over. And over. And over. And over. (more…)

04/14/14 4:18pm
smallest penis in brooklyn pageant

Runner up Rip van Dinkle will be back, trying to claim the prize he almost grabbed last year. Photo by Mary Dorn

Last year, the world was taken by storm by the genius of the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant, a competition that determined which of Brooklyn’s less well-endowed gentleman had the personality and the pint-size pecker that would make them Brooklyn’s most famous cocksman. And because the only thing better than one pageant devoted to small penises is a second pageant devoted to small penises, the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant will be back for a second go-round at Kings County Bar on June 14 of this year. Hooray! (more…)

04/14/14 3:21pm
bathtub full of ramen

Sorry, our mysterious employer only wants women

Craigslist is a weird place full of horrors if you know where to look, and The Daily Dot’s Cooper Fleishman certainly found that out when he tweeted a link to a Craigslist ad offering $175 to a woman willing to sit in some dude’s bathtub full of ramen noodles. Since I’ve been scarred by the internet forever, I thought the language sounded familiar, and lo and behold, a quick search revealed that this person put up the same ad in Pittsburgh in 2009, except the lucky lady would only get $1 to wear a bathing suit in a bathtub full of ramen noodles. That is a stunning, absolutely mind-boggling 17,400% increase in the price you have to pay to have someone sit in your noodle bathtub in Brooklyn as opposed to Pittsburgh. But the crazy math doesn’t end there. Oh no. (more…)

prospect park west bike lane

Maths say these people aren’t causing more traffic. via Flickr user Planetgordon.com

Since it was dropped on to the poor disenfranchised people of Park Slope, the Prospect Park West bike lane has been a contentious battleground of the city’s transportation policy. And because they’re here to use math to tell us all what’s what, the nerds at FiveThirtyEight took a look at how bike lanes affect traffic patterns around the country, including the PPW one. Their conclusion based on data from the city government? Traffic hasn’t become significantly worse since the bike lane opened. (more…)

04/14/14 12:00pm

L.A. is evicting all of their rent-controlled tenants [Los Angeles Times]
Hooker-plauged AirBnB to start collecting taxes [Curbed]
Hot new place to live? In the Manhattan Bridge [New York Post]
Borough Hall is gonna be LEED certified [Brooklyn Heights Blog]
More people just wandering into the World Trade Center [Star Ledger]
Brecht Forum no longer moving to Brooklyn, just closing [New York Times]
Don’t be sad you missed “Nirvana” at St. Vitus [FREEwilliamsburg]

04/14/14 9:36am
east river fireworks

We should celebrate with a fireworks show! via Flickr user Crashworks

For the last two years, this blog has been part of the crusade against Macy’s for their decision to move their Fourth of July fireworks show to the Hudson River. And with tempetatures starting to rise, we figured our anger would too this year, but now we can rest easy because Mayor de Blasio confirmed to the Daily News that he’d convinced Macy’s to bring their Fourth of July fireworks back to the East River where they belong. Score one for Mayor Tall. (more…)

04/11/14 4:30pm
subway car rat

The week the subway car rat made cowards of us all

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-The subway car rat reminded us there is always something to fear

-Also teaching us fear? Brooklyn’s ever-rising rents

-At least the TromaDance film festival can still afford to come to Bushwick

-NBC gave up, asked for literally anybody to pitch them

-Isaac taught you how to make a shelf

-M.I.A. announced a show just over the invisible border to Queens

-Team Brokelyn checked in on their tax paying situation

-CBGB needed a weed consultant

-The Brooklyn Bridge Park dance parties schedule was announced

-So was SummerScreen

-Some idiot had yet another theory about Millennials

04/11/14 2:18pm
red hook trolley cars

Hey, a possible way to get to Red Hook that isn’t the B61. via The Brooklyn Historic Railway Association

If you spent any time working at the Court Street Trader Joe’s, or just hung around Cobble Hill on weekends, you may have noticed groups of people standing in the middle of Atlantic Avenue going down into the sewer. They were actually heading down to take a tour of the Atlantic Avenue tunnel, the world’s oldest subway tunnel. At least they were doing that until 2010, when the Department of Transportation shut the tour down. Now tour organizer Robert Diamond is back with a big study arguing in favor of reopening the tours, but he’s asking for your help on Kickstarter to raise the money to actually print the thing. Oh also, the study argues for establishing electric rail cars between Downtown and Red Hook. (more…)