11/12/12 7:00am

The couple that Snuggies together…breaks up when it gets nice out. via Facebook

As the days grow shorter and we begin to enter our own Fortresses of Solitude, there’s a primal drive awakening among us single folk. Just as squirrels furiously scramble to store their nuts for winter, many singles are furiously scrambling to…uh, get their nuts taken care of, too. And the best way is with a winter girlfriend (or boyfriend!).

This someone to hunker down with for hours upon hours of cooking at home, an entire season of Walking Dead, and never-get-out-of-bed sex during snowstorms. A winter relationship is probably the only relationship that doesn’t cost more when you’re in it, because you literally do nothing. And what happens after winter? Well, that’s up to you, but generally, once spring and skimpy clothing come back around, one or both parties will realize how little they have in common beyond a mutual understanding of Peggy Olson’s character arc.

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11/05/12 4:20pm

Was this you this weekend? via Good Housekeeping

Haven’t volunteered yet? Why not? We’ve heard the Park Slope Armory is best place to find a date. Or maybe try St. Francis Church, where one media coordinator puts the “Belle” in Bell Harbor. Or Brooklyn Tech, where a do-gooder named Dylan has the kindest eyes of all time.

Apparently, pitching in puts some people in the mood for another kind of relief altogether. Witness the rise of the Sandy volunteer missed connections on Craigslist:  (more…)

10/18/12 3:05pm

This is why you’re sad. via Too Many Kisses

Attention nerds: while we know you voluntarily waited to have sex until you were 20 (you had to fend the women off with a stick while playing Warcraft, obvs), you actually made the right decision because a new study in the journal Psychological Science  finds that people who waited until they were 20 to have sex are “less dissatisfied” in long-term relationships. (more…)

08/09/12 1:00pm

Free pleasure knows no age. Photos from the Flatiron vibrator cart by Timothy Krause.

Only in New York City would people complain about not being able to get their free vibrators fast enough. The Trojan vibrator giveaway yesterday turned into a bit of a buzz (sorry) kill when the city shut down the fun at the Flatiron location, causing a lot of gripes among people who had waited in line (aka a “Premature Finish,” thank you NY Post). We called Trojan HQ this morning to check if they were going to continue the giveaway today as planned: a rep told us the event will continue today “for sure,” but the company is trying to figure out exactly where it can operate. She said Trojan would update the Facebook page with new times sometime this morning, which we will post here when it comes (sorry) out. UPDATE: You can get your free vibrators from 5-7pm at Ninth Avenue and 14th Street (they’ve got a permit this time!). Let’s review some of the sights and sounds of a city frustrated by lack of adequate free sex toys yesterday, shall we? (more…)

08/02/12 5:13pm

Fifty Shades cupcakes. Tres Brooklyn. Photo courtesy of Bake That and Party via Flickr.

Are you one of the millions of women who had no idea how boring missionary is before succumbing to the Fifty Shades cult of BDSM curiosity? If you are looking for ways to kink up your love life (and avoid slipping into the “40-year-old Regression“) head over to Babeland in the Slope this Sunday (Aug. 5), for “Fifty Shades of Hot Sex” free brunch workshop. First 15 to arrive get a “Mr. Grey approved” pleasure package (likely filled with Vagina Balls).  (more…)

07/20/12 7:00am

So your ex-boyfriend is coming to visit you in Brooklyn for a two-week trial period to “see if he could see himself actually living here” and while you believe it’s impossible to for him to really know in such a short, pressure-cooker of a visit, you miss him and you want him to move here, so you’re entertaining the idea that this trip could seal the deal.

You two dated three years — two spent together in New Orleans, one apart when you moved to New York — until the distance became too much and you had to break up. But it turns out you still care about each other and most of your problems resulted from being apart. You both are working off the premise he’s just not that into New York, but definitely still into you. So what makes up the perfect sales pitch?  (more…)

07/11/12 11:28am

Conal, Dave, Tim, Kenji and Eric are standing by waiting for your call. Seriously, they’re just sitting there, looking for something to do.

Greetings unsatisfied Hookers, Sluts and Drug Addicts of Brownstone Brooklyn! Thanks to Amy Sohn’s post in The Awl yesterday, we know you’ve got needs that defy your age, the desire to be young and dumb and free, to chug (boxed) cabernet while bad-mouthing your spouses, to scream from rooftops down at the idle masses living their cookie-cutter lives like some tight-jeans wearing loft dweller. We’ve heard your pleas in your books and blog posts and those longing looks you give us as you show off your recently reduced tits across the bar, and we are here to help!

Stop wasting your time chasing that DILF down the street. You deserve to truly regress, not go for the Key Food-brand almost-good-enough version. That’s why you should instead choose to spend your post-40 dalliance with one of our certified Brokelyn boys! Guaranteed to offer you the grittiest depiction of carefree life in your late 20s and early 30s. Leave the toddler at home, ladies, because this Bushwick DIY venue may have a water slide but it is definitely not family friendly. If you think your life is like Girls now … we’ll have to take your word for it, because none of us can afford HBO. (more…)

05/24/12 2:45am

Normally $50, the "3D sleeve spiral" is just $36 today on Fab.com.

There is no wick in this "3D Pile" buzzer.

Much has been written lately about the upscaling of the vibrator market, but these things are just cray. Check out Fab.com’s whack “grown-up gadget” sale for all kinds of NSFW shit we have no idea how to use. UPDATE: OK, apparently these are “masturbation sleeves,” which we had to Google. Anyone use one?

Or so the registration numbers for the Singles Social Sports league — which is exactly what it sounds like — would say. The registration for the McCarren-Park-based 1/2 dude, 1/2 lady sports teams closes Friday (April 27), so jump on it if you’re into this sort of thing. It costs about $100 to register for each, but no word if you’re guaranteed to score. [via Greenpointers]

04/11/12 11:52am

People you might meet at an IvyDate party, from their Facebook page.

When your gene pool says Winklevoss but your wallet says feed me, how can you stay afloat in your social milieu? You’ll have to teach tennis this summer or start breeding Irish Setters because there are no more discounts available to join IvyDate, a matchmaking service founded by two Harvard B-school alums. DailyCandy has been offering $500 annual IvyDate memberships for 60 percent off, but the deal has apparently sold out. So what is this IvyDate anyway?

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