Normally $50, the "3D sleeve spiral" is just $36 today on Fab.com.

There is no wick in this "3D Pile" buzzer.

Much has been written lately about the upscaling of the vibrator market, but these things are just cray. Check out Fab.com’s whack “grown-up gadget” sale for all kinds of NSFW shit we have no idea how to use. UPDATE: OK, apparently these are “masturbation sleeves,” which we had to Google. Anyone use one?

Or so the registration numbers for the Singles Social Sports league — which is exactly what it sounds like — would say. The registration for the McCarren-Park-based 1/2 dude, 1/2 lady sports teams closes Friday (April 27), so jump on it if you’re into this sort of thing. It costs about $100 to register for each, but no word if you’re guaranteed to score. [via Greenpointers]

People you might meet at an IvyDate party, from their Facebook page.

When your gene pool says Winklevoss but your wallet says feed me, how can you stay afloat in your social milieu? You’ll have to teach tennis this summer or start breeding Irish Setters because there are no more discounts available to join IvyDate, a matchmaking service founded by two Harvard B-school alums. DailyCandy has been offering $500 annual IvyDate memberships for 60 percent off, but the deal has apparently sold out. So what is this IvyDate anyway?

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Jason and his fridge-sex-nymph. But seriously, can't he just have his pants back already??

Get ready for a new crop of teenagers to covet your lifestyle, Brokelynites. After a whole mess of promotional buzz and Jersey Shore interruptions, MTV’s new stab at a scripted series I Just Want My Pants Back premiered last Thursday. The Williamsburg/Greenpoint-based series follows a pack of post-grads with Diablo Cody-style rapport who soothe the crappiness of being broke and hating their jobs with substances and sex. Sounds familiar enough, and yes, sex is a great (and arguably free) form of recreation, but who is having this much of it? I thought everyone else living in Brooklyn was as lonely and involuntarily celibate as I am …  (more…)

You spent all your money on THAT? Pic via Reddit

How much money did you start today with? How much will you have by the time this ewwy gooey lurve fest is over? If you’re an average New Yorker, you’ll have dropped $146.30 on Valentine’s Day this year, according to a study from the National Retail Federation. That includes the $22.71 you’ll be spending on candy and $38.65 on flowers, with the rest, we assume, going to your White Castle dinner date and that big 99 cent lube shopping trip. Seems like too much money to be dropping on a fake holiday that’s made up by blah blah corporations blah blah Hallmark, especially when you consider what else that money could buy. Team Brokelyn has some recommendations on better ways to spend today: (more…)

Bike date, anyone?

Just in time for the worst holiday of all time, the folks at L Magazine have compiled a list of 18 Brooklyn Dates: One For Every Conceivable Dating Scenario. Among these suggested evenings of passion are The Art Date (hit up some art galleries and toss back some PBRs), The Roof Date (WINE ON THA ROOF!), The Let’s Make Dinner Date, which honestly, this lady loves going on solo too, and, on that note, The Treat-Yourself Date for the Single Person, which includes a visit to my absolute favorite heart-break therapy spot, Buffalo Exchange.

What L Magazine refers to as “The Broke Date” is right up this Brokelynite’s alley and includes a free Saturday tour at the Brooklyn Brewery, cheap Mexican eats at Tortilleria Mexicana Los Hermanos in Bushwick and finishes with a cozy beerfest (or winefest) on the couch. So no more excuses, dudes; who says Valentine’s Day has to be extravagant?

For the full list of 18 proposed dates, head over to L Magazine.

Attn all the single ladies (and, uh, dudes).

Brooklyn, we work hard. TOO hard, apparently, to get sumpin’ sumpin’ on the side. The Daily News this week looked at newly released Census data that seem to indicate all of us busy ass hustlers in the borough are too focused on paying rent to worry about getting your romantic life in order. The paper quoted experts who said Brooklyn’s socioeconomic diversity means these results are not surprising. “They are beginning their careers and postponing marriage,” CUNY sociologist Richard Alba told the News.“They tend to concentrate in the same neighborhoods,” which means Williamsburg, Greenpoint and Bushwick, the area that has the most balanced cluster of both single men and women. Hm, not really surprising. Editorial comment below.  (more…)

Judge a connection by its cover. Illustration by Sophie Blackall.

We’re all well acquainted with Craigslist Missed Connections, but how many of us actually check them? Or expect to see our lost mate in person again? This is especially true on the subway, where our passions can be derailed (scary pun not intended) by the frenzy of rush hour or an ill-timed transfer. The New York Transit Museum in Brooklyn is having a FREE Missed Connections Valentine’s Day Party on Feb. 14. Not only will your soul mate potentially be present, but New York Times writer Alan Feuer will also read some of the best Craigslist Missed Connections and illustrator Sophie Blackall will sign copies of her book, Missed Connections: Love, Lost & Found . Don’t forget about the beer provided by Brooklyn Brewery! Those retro subway cars at the museum are prime make-out spots, and the old turnstiles have lots of potential for flirty hand touching when you and your crush pretend to insert tokens (more…)

I know someone's favorite book!

Two months ago, Kelly Murphy reviewed her experience trying out the free n+1 personals date for us, in which she muses on the lessons learned from pinning her romantic hopes on a hypothetical well-read, charming young Brooklyn literary type that turned out … not so good, or even that literary. The subject of the date wrote a response. A very long, seven-part long response. We think he meant for n+1 to publish it, which they didn’t. But now he posted it on the internet for you all to consume. Warning: it contains phrases such as: “I alone, still too neurasthenic, still unrecovered from 6th-grade repression, am too nervous for a fling, have remained too young too long.” Not to discourage young writers, but pro tip fellas: a little self awareness goes a long way.

Edith reacts to your neck tattoo. Photo by Chris Bonanos.

I was on a date this summer with another writer who folded her arms and rolled her eyes when the subject of a certain lady blog editor came up. ”I think I’m going to pitch a Thought Catalog piece titled ‘Please Stop Talking to Me about Edith Zimmerman,’ ” she said, clearly frustrated with the number of dudes who are infatuated — romantically or professionally — with The Hairpin editor, NYT Magazine columnist and renowned Captain America chest-toucher. Why is that? Because dudes probably imagine hanging out with Edith is as fun as reading The Hairpin itself, which feels like crashing an girls-only whiskey party instead of a giggly sleepover.

Brokesters probably have more of a shot than we should with gals like Edith: women outnumber us (with 149,219 more ladies than dudes in NYC), make more money than us (17 percent!), and just generally seem to be killing it. I ran into Edith — who is 28 and lives in Cobble Hill — while I was working at Trader Joe’s, and she was checking out … a 20-year-old cashier, which proves you don’t have to be a superhero or a lovestruck scientist to get a girl’s attention.

The Ediths of New York seem like they have enough going on to even bother with dating, what with starting memes, popping by This American Life and writing what me and several friends agree are the friendliest pitch rejection emails around. So how do you catch their eye, especially when you’re sleeping on an air mattress or forced to ration a single High Life for the whole night? Read on to find out how Edith thinks your Occupy banner might not be as attractive as your Scrabble skills, and how sometimes even a successful girl just wants a good pickleback. (more…)