04/13/17 3:21pm
Photo by Sam Howzit / Flickr

Photo by Sam Howzit / Flickr

Break-ups: they happen to us all, and it happens to our besties. So what are we (as good friends) supposed to do? Distract. Nothing really heals a broken heart like time. So while they are counting down the hours to happiness, let’s bring in the fun (with optimal spaces to cry openly in public when needed)! (more…)

03/31/17 12:00pm
Too close. Photo via Wiki

Too close. Photo via Wiki

The F train is Brokelyn’s new advice column for all you sensual New Yorkers who, like the F train, often have schedule changes in how frequently you come, struggle to get into the station or suffer from any other number of delays and track work. Think of this like the MTA Twitter but instead of public transit info we answer sex queries – send yours to awkwardsexandthecity@gmail.com and let us know what neighborhood you’re in so we can make a sex pun out of it.

I’m recently out of a serious, long-term relationship and have been dating a former flame for a few months. We have never been serious/committed, but it’s starting to feel like it may be headed in that direction. He’s really sweet and funny, but I’m not sure I can get over how he “parents” his cat. He didn’t have a cat the first time we were hooking up, so this has been a new adjustment. The cat is nice enough, but the guy is trying to potty train him…on the human toilet, Meet the Parents style. (more…)

03/24/17 3:02pm
DSC_2183small

Photo by Ruthie Darling / Brokelyn

New month, new me is all well and good until you step outside of your apartment and onto the snow-saturated sidewalks. Then, new cup of coffee, new Netflix series seems much more appealing. 

This month I had made a decision to learn to love myself. Not my boyfriend, not my family, Me. A worthwhile pursuit certainly, but resolutions of this kind have a fatal flaw, the problem being that no one really holds you accountable to them. There is no line manager for resolutions. It’s up to you to make the salads, book the yoga classes, buy the journal. No one will do it for you and no one will notice if your decisions never really come to fruition. The get-out is just too easy and with a project as intangible as self love, I was already concerned that I was on a path to failure.

Unsure of where to start with this, I began by asking my friends if they had any suggestions. One friend replied by saying, “you know what I’m going to say and I hope you’ll join me this time, please look at their website.” Alas, I did know to what she was referring and so last Sunday night I braced myself for the face-melting chill to meet her at a Women’s Rejuvenation Circle I had been promising her, for months, that I would attend. Learn to love yourself, the website assured, by participating in their “co-created experience of women supporting women through guided meditation and an emotional check-in”. It had New Me written all over it. My desire to cancel was off the charts. (more…)

03/23/17 5:11pm

9395228324_036aa68eab_o

We’ve all been there: waiting patiently for your Tinder date to arrive as the anticipation swells. You’re mad at yourself. You said repeatedly in the mirror, “I will not use Tinder again. I will not swipe right on a sapiosexual ever again no matter how cute they are in their profile pic!” But here you are, waiting for a sapiosexual. What’s a casual dater to do? Drink. What’s a savvy casual dater to do? Drink wisely.

As much as we want to say we will never succumb to the temptations of Tinder (again), allow yourself to go into the date wisely with the best drink to pair with your Tinder trope, because let’s get real, you’re going to have to drink to get through these dates. (more…)

03/14/17 11:07am
Let's stop these flirtations before they become a full blown Affair to Remember

Let’s stop these flirtations or end the relationship before that crush becomes a full blown Affair to Remember

The F train is Brokelyn’s new advice column for all you sensual New Yorkers who, like the F train, often have schedule changes in how frequently you come, struggle to get into the station or suffer from any other number of delays and track work. Think of this like the MTA Twitter but instead of public transit info we answer sex queries – send yours to awkwardsexandthecity@gmail.com and let us know what neighborhood you’re in so we can make a sex pun out of it.

Dear F Train,
How do I deal with long-lasting crushes/flirtations when I’m in a new relationship?
–Phlirty in Philly

(more…)

02/28/17 3:07pm
Why sleep when you could be sexing?

Why sleep when you could be sexing?

The F train is Brokelyn’s new advice column for all you sensual New Yorkers who, like the F train, often have schedule changes in how frequently you come, struggle to get into the station or suffer from any other number of delays and track work. Think of this like the MTA Twitter but instead of public transit info we answer sex queries – send yours to awkwardsexandthecity@gmail.com and let us know what neighborhood you’re in so we can make a sex pun out of it.

Dear F Train,
My BF and I have very different work schedules. Because of this, I tend to like sex in the morning (But he won’t wake up from my subtle taps in the back), and he tends to likes it late at night (But his subtle taps in the back can’t keep me awake). What do we do?!?!
–Horny & sleepy in East Hardlem 

(more…)

02/14/17 4:59pm
Via @BrooklynCartoons on Instagram.

Via @BrooklynCartoons on Instagram.

What’s the state of Brooklyn dating in 2017? These reports today give us a pretty good snapshot of where you’re banging, who you’re banging and how far you’re willing to travel for it:

All about the Bush: Bushwick Daily surveyed 350 neighborhood residents to get the lowdown on their downlow and dirty sex habits. It turns out, 47 percent of responders were single and 27 percent have had sex in a bar bathroom. Plus there’s lots of sticky details about fingerbanging in a warehouse party and smashing (more that avocados) in the Hana food market, with juicy quotes such as:

“I have slept with a lot of Manhattan men, but Bushwick men have better beards anyway, and what a girl wouldn’t want that extra fluff around her vagina.” (more…)

07/25/16 3:41pm
Life is a grind. Via Craigslist.

Life is a grind. Via Craigslist.

Maybe you’re about to dump someone but it’s their birthday and you feel bad. So you, a true gentlebro for the ages, decide to buy her a Vitamix blender — and what a nice blender it is! — as a parting gift. This is a terrible idea, as evidenced in this Craigslist ad a Brooklyn woman posted a few days ago, in which she absolutely frappes, shreds, purees and ice crushes the corporate lawyer who did this to her. It opens with the caveat “never date a corporate lawyer” and goes on to include tidbits like this:

“He clearly wants to break up, but makes you do it. It’s the day after your birthday. A few days later, this Vitamix arrives at your door. Either he wants you back, or he does not understand the human species.” (more…)

07/06/16 11:48am

It is a matter of fact that the only decent non-Onion parody websites are Reductress, The Hard Times and Breitbart.com. While Reductress spoofs women’s magazines and Breitbart publishes bonkers fake headlines no one would actually believe like “Big Bang Actress Takes Heat for July 4th Photo of Dogs Sitting on American Flag,” the Hard Times is all about fake news that slam dances into the punk, hardcore, headbanging side of our heart. Headline highlights of late include: “Neftock, Master of Darkness, Agrees to Cover Shift at 7-11” and “Local Punk Would Like to Direct Your Attention to Even Bigger Tragedy.”

The site, which was founded by two West Coast writers and comedians, yesterday released one of its first videos and it’s a funny look at punk speed dating (and basically, dating in New York overall). It was filmed right here in Brooklyn at heavy metal dive Saint Vitus in Greenpoint, with external shots at Angry Wade’s in Carroll Gardens. You may want to make sure you’re vaccinated before watching.   (more…)

02/06/15 10:01am
gab2

It’s been fun, but…  All photos by Jeni Magana

We all know what it is to wake up next to someone the morning after getting down, see them lying there, and panic. Regardless of whether the person sharing the bed is a familiar face or a total stranger, a winter-warmer or a one-night stand, it’s safe to say that we’re always faced with the same decision: should we “ghost” outta there, or stick around until they wake up?

If you’re suddenly getting images of a partially-nude Patrick Swayze, let us clarify the term (hint: you’re not entirely off-base). “Ghosting” is the Brokelyn-approved slang for fleeing the scene of a sexual encounter the following morning, leaving no trace of your presence from the night before. Straightforward enough, right? The thing is, not all of us agree about whether the sleek, cat-like disappearance of a sexual partner is a good or bad tactic to employ. In fact, two of our resident writers land at opposite poles on the topic. Here, Gabby “The Vapor” Westfield and Sam “The Billboard” Corbin go head to head to defend their morning-after techniques. Whose side of the bed are YOU on? (more…)