10/29/14 8:22am
green-wood cemetery

If you want to be buried in Green-Wood, you’re gonna have to choose between being able to buy a home in life or a home in death. Choose wisely. via Facebook

We have some bad news and we’re going to just break it to you straight: you’re going to die someday. Unless science advances to incredible new heights sometime in the near future, allowing us all to live forever, you’re going to have to take the time to make arrangements for when you finally leave this mortal coil. And hell, even with the science, we’ll find a way to kill ourselves anyhow when we eventually legalize knife fighting out of existential boredom.

So, now that we’re all in a good mood, let’s talk about how much it costs to be buried in Brooklyn and see if we can find you an affordable option, so you can achieve the dream of staying in Brooklyn for all time. After all, it’s that or some friends throw you into the Gowanus for the low, low cost of leaving them all your stuff. (more…)

10/13/14 10:19am
brokelyn high jackets

You wanna be cool, right?

So okay – maybe you had an unbridled 9th grade fantasy about making the color guard team. Maybe the allure of donning a sparkly, second-skin, spandex unitard while skillfully tossing flags and carving intricate patterns on the field accompanied by the marching band’s rendition of Kanye West’s “Stronger” beckoned to your brace-faced, baby fat existence. Maybe you never followed your baton twirling yen because practice interfered with drama club – and if there’s one thing we’ve learned about high school from TV & film, it’s that it’s full of Tough Choices. And so, as the lights dimmed on your dashed dreams, they also faded on the hopes of ever receiving a letterman jacket. You couldn’t make varsity for your portrayal of Annie Oakley in the school production of Annie Get Your Gun. And lettering in color guard would have just been so cool.

Fortunately for you, Brokelyn understands, and we’re here to help. Behold, the official Brokelyn High varsity jacket. (more…)

09/30/14 7:00am
red hook fairway cheese

Head to the Red Hook Fairway and you might find yourself in a cheesy part of the world.  And you may ask yourself, “Is this cheese cheaper than Whole Foods’?” All photos by Joanna Purpich

Fairway and Whole Foods, the great behemoths of responsible eating and fresh produce in Brooklyn. While their wide variety of organic and specialty products make the sticker shock more bearable, shopping ethically-yet-thrifty is a cherished Brokelyn tradition, so I wanted to find out which store gave you less sticker shock.

I made a list of common grocery purchases like grapes, bacon and rice then hit both stores for a side by side comparison. I matched brands whenever possible and tried to find comparable products for meat and produce. I also compared the experience of shopping at the two stores because a good collection of samples can make a worthwhile trip all on its own. Neither Whole Foods or Fairway has a reputation for being all that budget friendly, but when push comes to shove, which one is cheaper?  (more…)

08/26/14 2:00pm
housing works

Not only do you get to look dashing and get great deals, you also help a good cause. Everybody wins (but especially you). via Facebook

Housing Works Thrift Shop’s semiannual Best of Fall  sale starts this Saturday, and it features discounts from 70 to 90 percent off so you can look all fancy for the turning leaves. Entry to their twelve participating thrift shops, including their Park Slope and Brooklyn Heights locations, is free and they’ve re-stocked their stores with clothes from designers like Diane Von Furstenberg, Oscar de la Renta, Chloé and Campomaggi, along with new art and furniture. You can see more of the deals on their Pinterest board. (more…)

08/25/14 3:01pm
From Gowanus to your living room. Usually people say that about sludge, so consider yourself lucky. via Boundless Brooklyn

From Gowanus to your living room. Usually people say that about sludge, so consider yourself lucky. via Boundless Brooklyn

You remember the Kentile Floors sign, right? F and G train riders can’t appreciate it for seconds at a time anymore, along with the occasional bump in their Instagram likes that it entailed, but now you can enjoy the feels it gave you right in your living room, whenever you want. Boundless Brooklyn, the small company behind the cardboard model water tower and other water tower-related ephemera, will sell you a model version of the Kentile Floors sign according to Brooklyn Paper, if you insist on owning one of those. (more…)

03/12/14 3:07pm
If you want to get your hands on David Sandlin's Train of Heartache, bidding starts at just $50. You can afford that! Courtesy of Booklyn

If you want to get your hands on David Sandlin’s Train of Heartache, bidding starts at just $50. You can afford that! Courtesy of Booklyn

It’s always nice to have something pretty hanging on the otherwise bare walls of your apartment, but you figure that art is too expensive for some schmuck like you who isn’t pulling down big bucks. But luckily, it doesn’t have to be this way! On Friday, March 14, non-profit artists’ book hub Booklyn (who we last saw surviving the 24-hour zine challenge), hosts their annual “Better Read Than Dead” art auction, inviting you to bid on art that starts as low as $50. (more…)

01/23/14 11:02am
curated craigslist

Just think of how much time you’d have to waste just to find this bar cart. Which you clearly need

We all love (hate) Craigslist, and all the wonderful things it did to make classified listings more responsive and the way it helped destroy disrupt the newspaper and alt-weekly industries. The problem with it is that there’s a lot of crap on Craigslist that you’ve gotta wade through to get to the good stuff people are selling. But now someone else will do that for you on their website Curated Craigslist. How else will you waste time at the office now? We suggest taking up online gambling! (more…)

01/15/14 8:00am
Also see: TEETHERS IV: Revenge of the Unborn

Also see: TEETHERS IV: Revenge of the Unborn. Photos by Madelyn Owens.

Now that we’ve already figured out how to score the best deals at the Brooklyn’s first Whole Foods in Gowanus, we figured it was time to dig through the store’s more superfluous offerings. We crisscrossed the aisles to find the most embarrassingly nuovo-Brooklyn items that will leave no doubt your shopping cart has been through the trenches of the borough’s modern grocery fare. Behold the most absurd, over-the-top and downright perplexing products we could find in this paradoxically urbanized box store and join the chorus of “why???” (more…)

01/03/14 4:04pm
brokelyn tattoos

Happy customers. Photo via Mikee Kwasnik

It’s 2014 guys. It’s time for the year that will make a permanent mark on your life. Not with something like marriage or kids or home ownership, which all end in failure disappointment and disaster respectively, but with a tattoo. For better or worse, you’ve got one of those until you die! And then it’s still there! Where to go get one though? If you’ll allow some tattooed bloggers to make the recommendation to you, we say go see Mikee Kwasnik at New York Hardcore Tattoo (127 Stanton Street). (more…)

12/23/13 11:18am
santa claus new york

“Excuse me there miss, come here often?”

Well, here we are: another Christmas just about in the books and you’re calmly wrapping the last of your gifts. Oh wait, what’s that? You haven’t done ANY Christmas shopping? You know it’s in two days, right? You know everyone will hate you if you don’t get them gifts, right? Well aren’t you lucky then that you’ve got a great resource right here, the complete 25 Gifts Under $25 Brokelyn Gift Guide, for 2013. It’s got something for everyone in your life, from books to orgasms, fondue pots to Night Vale merchandise. And when your gift recipients are thrilled beyond thrills to unwrap your present, you don’t have to thank us, we just like helping. Although sending us some Christmas booze would be nice… (more…)