12/16/14 8:42am
The domestic sphere heats up a bit.

The domestic sphere heats up a bit.

Everyone told me it’d be a bad idea to sleep with my roommate, so I slept with my roommate. I mean, come on, it’s New York and who can afford a place on their own? And when I’m living in such close proximity to the tall, and most-darkest-of-handsome body of the opposite sex, I’d be crazy to turn it down. Honestly, I think I deserve a bit of credit considering I lived a whole year wondering what was underneath that blue towel he’d so perfectly position right below that last muscle of his six-pack and right above his one-eyed dragon I’d been on a quest to slay.

“Hey,” he’d say, as he glided by suavely from the shower and into his room. My eyes always followed that last droplet of water easing its way down his chest in a straight path of sex and seduction as if it knew just what to do.

“Hey,” I’d reply. The tension was high. (more…)

10/22/14 11:13am
brooklyn bridge park

How freaking romantic. Photo by Etienne Frossard, via Facebook

Dating is hard. It’s difficult to meet new people, whether in “real life” or online, and the process of dating itself can be exhausting, traumatic, heartbreaking, demoralizing…oh yeah, and expensive. You’re already (potentially) wasting time on a new date; don’t waste your money, too! While splitting the bill is usually the way to go, sometimes one party wants to treat the other.  Get creative without breaking the bank; do something other than stare blankly at each other while sipping overpriced cocktails. Need suggestions? Here are 20 Brooklyn date ideas that will keep both of you entertained/fed/watered/etc. for $20 or less. Who ever said a cheapskate couldn’t be romantic? (more…)

10/07/14 7:00am
lane moore tinder live

Learn from these tips, or you could find yourself as part of the next show. Photos by Michael Robert Hartman

I joined Tinder pretty much the minute I noticed that both of my roommates were sitting at the kitchen table right next to each other, both using Tinder, totally unaware they were both doing that. Being a stand-up comedian, that was my sign that I pretty much needed to sign up immediately to see what the hell this was, immediately make a seriously funny video of my roommates and I all going on Tinder together at once, and create a a seriously hilarious live comedy show about Tinder.

The show became a not-as-mean-spirited-as-you-might-think combination of my Tinder Picks Of The Week (the best of the worst Tinder profiles) and then actually going on Tinder live in front of a massive audience with a panel of comedians, sex writers/workers, and TV writers from Jimmy Fallon, Last Week Tonight, and Conan analyzing the profiles with me and leaving it up to the audience as to whether or not I should swipe right or left. It’s crazy fun, anything can (and does) happen, and if you haven’t been yet, you need to go.

That said, using my knowledge gleaned from hosting these shows and spending countless hours on Tinder doing “research”, here are the 5 worst Brooklyn behaviors on Tinder. (more…)

09/29/14 10:09am
Keeping the night going (unless you have weird spooky plans) after you saw the movie is an important piece of the movie date

Keeping the night going (unless you have weird spooky plans) after you saw the movie is an important piece of the movie date

Provided what you see isn’t terrible, going to the movies could be a great time. Plus, it’s the fall now, so it’s time to grudgingly look at some indoor activities to keep you entertained. Though movie tickets may cost lots of money and the shirt off your back, and a popcorn and soda will cost your shoes, your phone, and you’ll have to work at the theater for a couple of days, the moviegoing experience doesn’t have to be the beginning and the end of your night.

If you’re on a date that, after the theater lights go up, you’re not ready to end, there’s no need to sulk right on home if the ticket took a decent bite out of your wallet. Just because the credits rolled doesn’t mean the good times can’t, and these cheap bars and restaurants within walking distance of the movies will keep them going for you.

(more…)

08/08/14 9:36am
You made fun of my cookies, so bye.

You make shitty beer, so see ya never

When it comes to dating in Brooklyn, sure, we’ve heard groans from both sides of the equation. Women are disappointed, and men are also disappointed, and we are all just wading through a peed-in kiddie-pool of our own deflated libidos. But let’s be honest here, okay? It’s really the dudes in Brooklyn who make this shit downright insufferable—what with their insistence they know more than you in any given subject and their strange compulsion to make everything by hand.

What’s a girl to do if she’s actually in a relationship with one of these men? How can she know when to call it off? Not to fear, folks. We bring you hope in the form of “Brooklyn Dealbreakers.” What is it? It’s a list. It’s a device small enough to fit in your wristlet on any romantic occasion. It’s a guide to recognizing the douchebags who walk among us. (more…)

07/29/14 4:04pm
subway flirting

Yeah, but is she really though? via Flickr user jbc

What is the best way to interact with your fellow humans stuck on the subway with you? Climaxes of 1980s romantic comedies would suggest you get involved in their romantic affairs. Actual real life suggests you should just read a book or stare at the signs, and only interact with your fellow commuters when you need them to get the hell out of the way or to let them know they’re about to step in puke. Should you be hitting on your fellow commuters though? Dating experts that DNA Info talked to think so, to the point where they offered some tips to hit on your fellow passengers. I have a tip on how to effectively hit on your fellow passengers as well: DON’T. (more…)

07/25/14 9:59am
You were aiming for the heart but your aim was just a little off. What would work better than darts? via Flickr user Aschevogel

You were aiming for the heart but your aim was just a little off. What would work better than darts? via Flickr user Aschevogel

It’s summer, where temperatures both literal and figurative run high! We’re comfortably out of our winter suckfest hibernation so hopefully you’ve been dating more liberally and more entertainingly. Still, after you’ve been cocooned in down coats watching Netflix for months, maybe you still haven’t gotten that old fashioned mojo back. Not to worry- bars have you covered with a litany of games to entertain the apple of your eye, but what are the best games to segue into getting a bite of that apple? I’m here to scientifically rank bar games for dates on a 1-5 scale of Pac-Man-Make-Outs. (more…)

05/28/14 11:35am
smallest penis in brooklyn

The two anonymous hotties who’ll hang with the owner of BK’s favorite pint-sized pecker.

If you remember last year’s coverage of the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant, you’ll remember that one of the Sex Kittens on hand was so taken with the winner of the contest that she gave him an unplanned smooch after he was crowned King of the Tiny Penises. How will organizers top that this year when the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn contest returns to Kings County on June 14? Two sisters have just volunteered to go on an all-expenses-paid date in Bushwick with the winner of the contest. Who needs Tinder when you can find love, or at least lust, like this? (more…)

05/15/14 1:44pm
Kate get out of our heads. Illustrations by Emily Niland.

Kate get out of our heads. Illustrations by Emily Niland.

Were this a buzzier website, we’d make some sort of slick quiz that uses your favorite fictional monkey or something to determine which kind of Brooklyn guy you are/are dating. Instead, use this handy (and actually researched) guide by our own Kate Mooney to figure it out. Kate, moonlighting over at The New York Observer, worked with illustrator Emily Niland to put together a feature you might consider either fun or suffocatingly depressing depending on your dating situation: “Eight Guys You Might Meet in Brooklyn: An Illustrated Guide,” which breaks down the kind of boys you’re likely meet in various nabes. Think of it as an Audubon guide, but for Brooklyn bros.  (more…)

04/11/14 3:23pm
lauren urasek

Don’t worry, apparently looking this good doesn’t make dating any easier. So there’s hope for you yet! via xoJane

If you’ve spent a bunch of time on OKCupid wondering why no one will love you, you’re probably not alone. Everyone, if people not on OKCupid wonders this from time to time, or all the time. The thing is though, while you’re fixing a way to make your profile perfect and have the date offers come pouring in, New York City resident and “most popular woman on OKCupid” Lauren Urasek took to the virtual pages of xoJane to break some news to us: being the most popular woman on the site doesn’t guarantee you actually get decent dates out of it. (more…)