08/08/14 9:36am
You made fun of my cookies, so bye.

You make shitty beer, so see ya never

When it comes to dating in Brooklyn, sure, we’ve heard groans from both sides of the equation. Women are disappointed, and men are also disappointed, and we are all just wading through a peed-in kiddie-pool of our own deflated libidos. But let’s be honest here, okay? It’s really the dudes in Brooklyn who make this shit downright insufferable—what with their insistence they know more than you in any given subject and their strange compulsion to make everything by hand.

What’s a girl to do if she’s actually in a relationship with one of these men? How can she know when to call it off? Not to fear, folks. We bring you hope in the form of “Brooklyn Dealbreakers.” What is it? It’s a list. It’s a device small enough to fit in your wristlet on any romantic occasion. It’s a guide to recognizing the douchebags who walk among us. (more…)

07/29/14 4:04pm
subway flirting

Yeah, but is she really though? via Flickr user jbc

What is the best way to interact with your fellow humans stuck on the subway with you? Climaxes of 1980s romantic comedies would suggest you get involved in their romantic affairs. Actual real life suggests you should just read a book or stare at the signs, and only interact with your fellow commuters when you need them to get the hell out of the way or to let them know they’re about to step in puke. Should you be hitting on your fellow commuters though? Dating experts that DNA Info talked to think so, to the point where they offered some tips to hit on your fellow passengers. I have a tip on how to effectively hit on your fellow passengers as well: DON’T. (more…)

07/25/14 9:59am
You were aiming for the heart but your aim was just a little off. What would work better than darts? via Flickr user Aschevogel

You were aiming for the heart but your aim was just a little off. What would work better than darts? via Flickr user Aschevogel

It’s summer, where temperatures both literal and figurative run high! We’re comfortably out of our winter suckfest hibernation so hopefully you’ve been dating more liberally and more entertainingly. Still, after you’ve been cocooned in down coats watching Netflix for months, maybe you still haven’t gotten that old fashioned mojo back. Not to worry- bars have you covered with a litany of games to entertain the apple of your eye, but what are the best games to segue into getting a bite of that apple? I’m here to scientifically rank bar games for dates on a 1-5 scale of Pac-Man-Make-Outs. (more…)

05/28/14 11:35am
smallest penis in brooklyn

The two anonymous hotties who’ll hang with the owner of BK’s favorite pint-sized pecker.

If you remember last year’s coverage of the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant, you’ll remember that one of the Sex Kittens on hand was so taken with the winner of the contest that she gave him an unplanned smooch after he was crowned King of the Tiny Penises. How will organizers top that this year when the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn contest returns to Kings County on June 14? Two sisters have just volunteered to go on an all-expenses-paid date in Bushwick with the winner of the contest. Who needs Tinder when you can find love, or at least lust, like this? (more…)

05/15/14 1:44pm
Kate get out of our heads. Illustrations by Emily Niland.

Kate get out of our heads. Illustrations by Emily Niland.

Were this a buzzier website, we’d make some sort of slick quiz that uses your favorite fictional monkey or something to determine which kind of Brooklyn guy you are/are dating. Instead, use this handy (and actually researched) guide by our own Kate Mooney to figure it out. Kate, moonlighting over at The New York Observer, worked with illustrator Emily Niland to put together a feature you might consider either fun or suffocatingly depressing depending on your dating situation: “Eight Guys You Might Meet in Brooklyn: An Illustrated Guide,” which breaks down the kind of boys you’re likely meet in various nabes. Think of it as an Audubon guide, but for Brooklyn bros.  (more…)

04/11/14 3:23pm
lauren urasek

Don’t worry, apparently looking this good doesn’t make dating any easier. So there’s hope for you yet! via xoJane

If you’ve spent a bunch of time on OKCupid wondering why no one will love you, you’re probably not alone. Everyone, if people not on OKCupid wonders this from time to time, or all the time. The thing is though, while you’re fixing a way to make your profile perfect and have the date offers come pouring in, New York City resident and “most popular woman on OKCupid” Lauren Urasek took to the virtual pages of xoJane to break some news to us: being the most popular woman on the site doesn’t guarantee you actually get decent dates out of it. (more…)

03/04/14 2:21pm
san francisco

You could take romantic trolley rides, we guess? via Flickr user Werkmens

Dating in New York City is tough these days (although it could also be the case that it’s tough anywhere during all of the days). Mostly it comes down to numbers, and single women outnumber single men by 150,000. On the other hand, San Francisco has a ton of single dudes. Dating website The Dating Ring has decided that the best way to solve this dilemma is to do crowdfunding to pack a plane full of single women and send them to San Francisco to unleash them on the single dude population there. Looks like we picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. (more…)

02/14/14 1:51pm
Man, she did not like that valentine.

Man, she did not like that valentine.

As we learned yesterday, relationships crash and burn more often than they work out. If you’re currently unsatisfied and thinking of making a change in your life, you should at least be able to enjoy yourself after ending it with your formerly loved one. Or at least make it memorable for the both of you. And since we’re always here to serve, we’ve rounded up some of the best places for you to end your relationship. Happy Valentine’s Day! (more…)

02/05/14 2:58pm
Walking around and looking at things is free, so that helps keeps costs down. via Flickr user mariusz kluzniak

Walking around and looking at things is free, so that helps keeps costs down. via Flickr user mariusz kluzniak

Dating is a thing that people need to do if they’re ever going to find someone to grow old and miserable with. You can find people to have sex with you on Craigslist, but you probably don’t want to set up a joint checking account with that person. So people go on dates, which can be expensive, especially if you’re one of those dumb guys that always insists on paying for everything. A new survey of Match.com users claims that the average single person spends $60/month on dating, which seems kind of low. Is it? (more…)

01/16/14 1:28pm
Oh why can't Brooklyn boys be fly like they used to be? via nydailynews.com

Oh why can’t Brooklyn boys be fly like they used to be? via nydailynews.com

Doesn’t matter where I live, or how old I am; for as long as I can remember, women have bitched about men. Fuck and run, even when I was 12. In New Orleans, where I’m from, it used to be, oh, they’re all drunks and druggies who can’t get a real job. At Oberlin, where I went to college, it was, oh, they’re a bunch of weirdos who think they can just do whatever they feel like. And now that I live in Brooklyn, every girl I talk to is sure the men here are the worst—too broke to buy you a drink, too busy shitheaded to text you back, and somehow don’t even want to get it on as much as you do, what? My conclusion, based on raw data amassed from a lifetime of being a heterosexual woman, is a version of Daria’s famous quote: “Men suck no matter what, so don’t be fooled by location changes.” Am I wrong?  (more…)