Cuffing season is over. Spring is in the air. Pheromones are fully excreting. Don’t look now, but your libido is showing, and it’s unsettling for the general public. Look, I get it. That liberating feeling of putting on your first “Suns Out Guns Out” tank top of the year makes you want to display all your affection to your new beau all over this gorgeous city we call Brooklyn.
But like, stop. We have unspoken rules, people. Rules that should be cherished. Cradled in your arms like a helpless newborn who’s only path to survival is you. Sounds dire? Because it is.
Jeopardizing yourself and your public hook-up pal will only lead to a “social Darwinism” style exile. No, we won’t make you shuffle on ice to your imminent death. But let’s just say this: middle schoolers will be involved, and they are fucking vicious. So buckle up, read the fine print, and you will be safe. Or don’t, and be sacrificed to a throng of youths. Dealers choice.
Read on and inform yourself on the best places to make out if you want the general public to tangibly hate you.
In what is still a rough economy for millenials, there are a surprising amount of people getting paid to do basically nothing except hang out with a wealthier stranger. They’re Sugar Babies and they’re all around us. What sounds like a seedy, dark-room deal is actually more legitimate and common than you might think, although its sketchy undertones are still somewhat unavoidable.
Amidst hundreds of dating sites and apps, there’s a whole slew aimed at matching wealthy, lonely Sugar Daddies and Sugar Mommies with “Sugar Babies” whom they’ll pay to keep them company. And yes, if that sounds like sex work (not that there’s anything inherently wrong with sex work), that’s because many people use those sites for sex, but it is really, truly, we promise, not all about sex. So is it a good, safe, ethical idea to be a Sugar Baby for cash? We did some investigating and spoke with a former Sugar Baby to find out. (more…)
Break-ups: they happen to us all, and it happens to our besties. So what are we (as good friends) supposed to do? Distract. Nothing really heals a broken heart like time. So while they are counting down the hours to happiness, let’s bring in the fun (with optimal spaces to cry openly in public when needed)! (more…)
The F train is Brokelyn’s advice column for all you sensual New Yorkers who, like the F train, often have schedule changes in how frequently you come, struggle to get into the station or suffer from any other number of delays and track work. Think of this like the MTA Twitter but instead of public transit info we answer sex queries – send yours to firstname.lastname@example.org and let us know what neighborhood you’re in so we can make a sex pun out of it.
Dear F Train,
I recently started seeing a guy that I met in my neighborhood (PLG), we went on a lovely fun-filled date, and have had more casual “hang outs” where we just met to “Netflix & Chill”. The sex was great, we share a good amount of common interests, and even deeper, meaningful conversations.
But the reality is that he works 7 days a week, doesn’t seem to have any more time for fun dates, and I do want a real relationship with someone who’s available outside of the bedroom (as well as in). And while he is pretty good at communicating daily – texting daily and calling every few days – he apologizes for not being more available but let me know why he’s working so hard right now. However, the more I get to know him I think there’s a lot of emotional baggage / spiritual debt he’s carrying from past relationships. Feel like I should just move on and break it off, because it’s not ideal – but second guessing myself because I haven’t had a relationship in 5 years (and good sex like this in about 2 years) and not sure if it’s just me dismissing people too quickly because they weren’t “perfect” enough.
Does a real woman help a man through his shit, or just move on because I am a queen and deserve better?
Romantic at Heart in Prospect Lefferts Gardens
We’ve all been there: waiting patiently for your Tinder date to arrive as the anticipation swells. You’re mad at yourself. You said repeatedly in the mirror, “I will not use Tinder again. I will not swipe right on a sapiosexual ever again no matter how cute they are in their profile pic!” But here you are, waiting for a sapiosexual. What’s a casual dater to do? Drink. What’s a savvy casual dater to do? Drink wisely.
As much as we want to say we will never succumb to the temptations of Tinder (again), allow yourself to go into the date wisely with the best drink to pair with your Tinder trope, because let’s get real, you’re going to have to drink to get through these dates. (more…)
It is a truth universally acknowledged that when Brooklynites are forced indoors by inclement weather they must be in want of more sex. There’s no arguing with the fact that being snowed in makes for quality cuddle-time, but some people really make fools of themselves on the internet attempting to seduce a warm body into their bed before the storm starts. But hey, “blizzard sex?” is almost as good a pickup line as “I have snacks” in our books, so use it when you can, we ‘spose.
Since the Craigslist casual encounters section is a dark place full of lonely souls and the worst kind of Chat Roulette users, we combed it for you to find the best listings for your reading pleasure sans all male genitalia. (more…)
Just because you are a millennial living in an expensive city and working a thousand jobs to make ends meet doesn’t mean you don’t deserve quality sex toys to up your “O” game. But there’s no need to break the bank to give your sexy bits that well-deserved special lovin’. Here are 12 toys that will make you come without any buyer’s remorse.
Support your local sex toy shop and maybe even boost your confidence by buying these in person instead of online. Babeland has one Brooklyn location, at 462 Bergen St. in Prospect Heights and SHAG Brooklyn is in Williamsburg, at 108 Roebling St. There are also a variety of sex shops in Sunset Park, but they are far less sex- and body-positive and are more just sordid bodegas full of porn. (more…)
Make your date memorable as you learn to master moves like this at an open-level hip hop class. Photo via CourseHorse.
With median rents hovering in the mid-threes and average cocktails that cost the better part of a Jackson, it’s hard enough to take yourself out in this city, let alone treat a date. While there are tried-and-true alternatives (file that under: splitting the check), sometimes the occasion calls for something more interesting than dinner-and-a-movie or the tired ol’ awkward drink at the bar.
If you’re dead-set on making your next Tinder date feel like a million bucks, we’ve partnered with CourseHorse to round up some activities that are guaranteed to impress without blowing the budget. You’ll feel just fine about picking up the tab, because everything on this list is $35 or less for two. (more…)
Brooklyn is a great place to fall in love. But dating here in the summer? Forgetaboutit. Well, don’t actually forget about it. I’m just saying that there’s a tyranny of choice, with so many options for what to do on a date that it occasionally leaves a brokester feeling overwhelmed (and eventually short on rent).
Lucky for you, spending a perfect afternoon on the cheap just happens to be in our wheelhouse! This borough really is made for people who want to do something special with a special someone without breaking the bank — you just gotta know where to look.
So with a little preparation and the help of this handy Brokelyn dating guide, you can have a memorable time with Mr. (Swipe) Right that doesn’t require you to sell your prized baseball card/Beanie Baby collection/kidney. Whether you go dutch on these, split it halfway, treat someone or get treated, nothing’s going to break the bank. And don’t worry about giving us credit for any of the ideas you try. We’ll just expect seats at the head table during the wedding reception. (more…)
Andie and Duckie might be stuck in a few different zones, but mere ‘friend’ isn’t one of them.
Fuck the friend zone.
Before you throw your phone across the room in a feminist rage, let me elaborate. I’m not saying fuck being in the friend zone. I’m saying fuck it as a general concept, because I don’t think it actually exists. Saying someone put you in the ‘friend zone’ is essentially just a way of blaming them for not being attracted to you. It’s the relationship equivalent of a participation ribbon, as if being friends with someone is less worthwhile than dating them. It doesn’t help that the phrase is almost always used derogatorily toward women, as a complaint that despite the fact of man performing acts of basic decency, the woman won’t reward him by providing sex.
Listen, I get it– it’s hard out there. In the shark tank that is the New York dating scene it’s natural to look to your friends, and sometimes you can’t help it when the feelings creep up. Or maybe you met someone new, and you figure the best way to get in is to keep your intentions hidden (for now). But how you deal with these feelings and intentions is the true marker of whether you’re an adult or an adult baby.
So I say death to the friend zone. Not only can we be less sexist but, goddamnit, we can be more precise. For your consideration I offer up these five zones more accurate than the friend zone to help you navigate the turbulent waters. (more…)