03/13/15 10:48am

We’re no strangers to bitching about the state of modern dating, Tinder included. Still, just because we point out that dating here in the exciting future is just terrible, that doesn’t mean we can’t recognize it was also bad in the somewhat recent past. Especially when we get a reminder that we could still be stuck in the world of the awkward introductions/acting involved in video dating, which you can get by watching the “Romance Wranglers” video that shows sexy singles in your area acting sexxxy (extremely awkwardly). The video is actually fake, thank god, from local comedians Murf Meyer and Diana Kolsky, who you might remember from the Jimmy McMillan sex podcast interview, so we won’t have to actually read a bunch of “video dating is on the rise with millennials” stories. Not yet, anyway. (more…)

02/17/15 11:07am
lefrak center ice skating

It’s winter, so get out there and skate with your sweetie. via Facebook

We have a theory: winter is the new summer when it comes to falling in love. After all, summer doesn’t have hot drinks and cold nights for cuddling. It might be 10 degrees out and snowing, but once the snow stops, we recommend you take your date outside. Staying inside increases the chance of getting cold and flu symptoms, not to mention cabin fever, so grab a coat, your partner and enjoy one of these fun winter date ideas from hookah in Bay Ridge to ramen in Williamsburg and plenty in between. (more…)

02/16/15 4:21pm
brooklyn party

Manhattanites see this picture and they almost die of dehydration. Photo by Michael Tapp

To most of you, Manhattan is that place with the buildings where you have to go work and also maybe the place your more touristy friends want you to take them to. Otherwise, it’s not really on your mind. According to the New York Post though, one dating survey says that Brooklyn is constantly on Manhattanites’ minds, or at least our genitals are, with almost 30% of Manhattanites lusting after Brooklyn singles. They must have heard tales of the Brooklyn Bone Zone. (more…)

02/13/15 2:22pm
tk

Here’s something to know about that guy on the subway with you. via Alexandra Kern/SingleDumb

What does it take to be a dating expert? Is there even such a thing?  I may have earned the honorary distinction after going on 40+ dates last year, many of them bad dates. I went on so many bad dates that I felt compelled to create a web series chronicling my adventures and cluelessness about dating called “SingleDumb.”

So okay, maybe that doesn’t make me a dating expert, but I’d still say that I’m pretty well-informed when it comes to the dating habits of dudes in Brooklyn. In my many evenings on the town, I’ve learned a thing or two, and one valuable lesson in particular: dating a Brooklyn dude is a curated, locally sourced, $12-draft, sometimes maybe-just-a-club soda-with-bitters type of experience. (more…)

02/13/15 11:12am
A little jizz in the hair would be a welcome relief in these dating stories.

A little jizz in the hair would be a welcome relief in these dating stories.

It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow, which means that everyone’s mind is on love or sex or dating, despite the fact that it’s almost universally an awful cesspool of vomit, inappropriate come-ons, cheapskates, chair throwers, bail jumpers, crybabies and drunk assholes who’ll drop you off their bikes. OK fine, there might be some hope out there, but let’s take a moment to remember just how bad things can be in the dating world with these stories of the worst dates Team Brokelyn has ever been on. (more…)

02/06/15 10:01am
gab2

It’s been fun, but…  All photos by Jeni Magana

We all know what it is to wake up next to someone the morning after getting down, see them lying there, and panic. Regardless of whether the person sharing the bed is a familiar face or a total stranger, a winter-warmer or a one-night stand, it’s safe to say that we’re always faced with the same decision: should we “ghost” outta there, or stick around until they wake up?

If you’re suddenly getting images of a partially-nude Patrick Swayze, let us clarify the term (hint: you’re not entirely off-base). “Ghosting” is the Brokelyn-approved slang for fleeing the scene of a sexual encounter the following morning, leaving no trace of your presence from the night before. Straightforward enough, right? The thing is, not all of us agree about whether the sleek, cat-like disappearance of a sexual partner is a good or bad tactic to employ. In fact, two of our resident writers land at opposite poles on the topic. Here, Gabby “The Vapor” Westfield and Sam “The Billboard” Corbin go head to head to defend their morning-after techniques. Whose side of the bed are YOU on? (more…)

01/27/15 4:15pm
You, too, can go butt to butt in the snow.

You, too, can go butt to butt in the snow. via Wikimedia

Last night, you were probably hoping that some special someone would ask you over for a pre-apocalyptic cuddle. Maybe it happened, and maybe it didn’t. But if you spent last night’s flurry alone, don’t panic: our latest Craigslist search in the “casual encounters” section has revealed that it’s definitely not too late to turn your blizzard into a jizzard. Yup, the personals are still booming with ads for snow-day sex.  (more…)

12/16/14 8:42am
The domestic sphere heats up a bit.

The domestic sphere heats up a bit.

Everyone told me it’d be a bad idea to sleep with my roommate, so I slept with my roommate. I mean, come on, it’s New York and who can afford a place on their own? And when I’m living in such close proximity to the tall, and most-darkest-of-handsome body of the opposite sex, I’d be crazy to turn it down. Honestly, I think I deserve a bit of credit considering I lived a whole year wondering what was underneath that blue towel he’d so perfectly position right below that last muscle of his six-pack and right above his one-eyed dragon I’d been on a quest to slay.

“Hey,” he’d say, as he glided by suavely from the shower and into his room. My eyes always followed that last droplet of water easing its way down his chest in a straight path of sex and seduction as if it knew just what to do.

“Hey,” I’d reply. The tension was high. (more…)

10/22/14 11:13am
brooklyn bridge park

How freaking romantic. Photo by Etienne Frossard, via Facebook

Dating is hard. It’s difficult to meet new people, whether in “real life” or online, and the process of dating itself can be exhausting, traumatic, heartbreaking, demoralizing…oh yeah, and expensive. You’re already (potentially) wasting time on a new date; don’t waste your money, too! While splitting the bill is usually the way to go, sometimes one party wants to treat the other.  Get creative without breaking the bank; do something other than stare blankly at each other while sipping overpriced cocktails. Need suggestions? Here are 20 Brooklyn date ideas that will keep both of you entertained/fed/watered/etc. for $20 or less. Who ever said a cheapskate couldn’t be romantic? (more…)

10/07/14 7:00am
lane moore tinder live

Learn from these tips, or you could find yourself as part of the next show. Photos by Michael Robert Hartman

I joined Tinder pretty much the minute I noticed that both of my roommates were sitting at the kitchen table right next to each other, both using Tinder, totally unaware they were both doing that. Being a stand-up comedian, that was my sign that I pretty much needed to sign up immediately to see what the hell this was, immediately make a seriously funny video of my roommates and I all going on Tinder together at once, and create a a seriously hilarious live comedy show about Tinder.

The show became a not-as-mean-spirited-as-you-might-think combination of my Tinder Picks Of The Week (the best of the worst Tinder profiles) and then actually going on Tinder live in front of a massive audience with a panel of comedians, sex writers/workers, and TV writers from Jimmy Fallon, Last Week Tonight, and Conan analyzing the profiles with me and leaving it up to the audience as to whether or not I should swipe right or left. It’s crazy fun, anything can (and does) happen, and if you haven’t been yet, you need to go.

That said, using my knowledge gleaned from hosting these shows and spending countless hours on Tinder doing “research”, here are the 5 worst Brooklyn behaviors on Tinder. (more…)