Job duties include cutting your boss’ hair

Do you long for the life of the personal assistant but want to do it for someone who insists on calling you an “attache?” Or do you at least dream of the life where you separate start-up kids with more money than brains from their precious cash? Well in that case, why not apply for Rap Genius’ new attache position? It can’t be any more humiliating than the job you have now. Oh wait…it definitely can. (more…)

You too can be showered in kisses for your helpful tips

Take a look at the Team Brokelyn page. That’s a whole lot of intelligent, attractive people, huh? If you’d like to see yourself on that page, guess what? You can! Got tips on making your own prison wine? Rants on driver etiquette? Neighborhood food tours or guides to, ahem, alternative employment? Well we want’em. Perks include free breakfasts at our editorial meetings, finding yourself becoming an expert on ways to get around paying for outdoor concerts, holiday parties that don’t suck and the occasional NPR appearance. So if you want in, shoot an email to me or our tips box with some story ideas or an indication that you’re willing to get silly in exchange for internet fame.

Better than selling drugs. via Dominque Ansel

Everywhere you turn nowadays, people are talking about cronuts, the croissant/doughnut hybrid that’s taken over the world. People would talk your ear off about them if it weren’t for the fact that they’re busy waiting in line to buy and then quickly eat a cronut and then get back in line. But at least one enterprising soul out there is taking advantage of the craze by buying, and then selling cronuts to people desperate to eat them but without the time to waste to stand on lines. Hey, why don’t you do that too? (more…)

You built that! If you get this job

Everyone loves 3D printing now. The president does, insane gun nuts do, hell, there like 34.5% chance that even your mom know what it is and she doesn’t even know how to turn the caps lock off on her iPhone. Knowing this, and knowing that you want to be popular more than anything, and that you want money more than that, you’re wondering if there’s a way into this world. Well we got a tip in our inbox that you could always head down to Makerbot’s open call for employees today, for positions as a productor, which is a person who puts together the kits that become 3D printers. (more…)

Ironic sexy costume costs $200 extra. Disaffection and slouching come free though

Got a great business idea? Wel, get in line, this is America, land of people who think they have great business ideas. Still, if you’re going to press on with your dream, you have to make sure you’re branded correctly. Something cool, something that the kids will like, with their Coachellas and Frank Oceans and Skrillex. But what’s a shorthand way of getting across that you’re cool and fun without actually trying to come up with a real idea? Well, you could do what Hipstermaid did and just put “hipster” in front of your name and call it a day. Yeah, why don’t you just do that? (more…)

Chef Ramsay, patiently explaining why he’s about to headbutt a restaurant owner

There’s something really sad about walking past an empty restaurant, more sad than walking past an empty bar or deli. Maybe it’s the bored waiters, standing around with no orders to take and no tips to receive. Or if it’s a place with an open kitchen, the chefs standing around not making any food. Whatever it is, there’s an urge to somehow help. Except you don’t have a bottomless wallet to try all these places. But a tip landed in our inbox that you can march in to that sad, empty restaurant with: Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsay is once again on the hunt for restaurants in distress. (more…)

We always preferred Keyboard Cat to Grumpy Cat

What do you do at work all day? The thing that you’re paid to do by your bosses? Haha, you’re reading this, so that’s obviously untrue. When you’re not reading Brokelyn, how else do you goof off? It wouldn’t happen to be by making image macros of adorable animals, would it? Because there’s finally a way for you to monetize that goofing off, as BuzzFeed’s Associate Animals Editor.  (more…)

Enterprising young interns

For the life of us, we’ll never understand why we let those lousy grungers and cowboys in Washington and Colorado legalize pot before New York did. Like most social issues we’re behind on, we’re just going to blame Upstate and make idle secession threats. Because aside from creating a paradise where people finally won’t get arrested for the simple act of holding on to some weed, an alt-weekly in Denver is now looking for a pot intern. Oh sure, now everyone wants to be an intern, huh? (more…)

Yes, even you can start a nifty little website like this. YOU CAN. (via flickr user ateliertally)

This news will likely be most handy to you if you’re an NYU student, those chosen few who seem to get all the best damn jobs and internships in the city while the rest of us contemplate selling our old IKEA furniture we lugged from our college apartments in Baltimore or Chicago wherever to buy dinner tomorrow night, but NYU’s annual Startup Week kicks off tonight, and there will be lots of tech-ey entrepeneurs around who will maybe give you a job. Maybe. If you ask real nice. (more…)

Now you too can have your life’s work insulted by celebrity puppets. Via Lovelyish.

You know what they say: if you can’t make it in the real world, make it on reality TV. Well, we’re not sure if anyone actually says that, but it sure seems to be true. And that’s great for all you designers out there, because Project Runway is casting for their next season. A reality show gig could get your name and your work out there, whether or not that’s a good thing is up to you. Either way, it’s all about shooting for the stars right? Right.  (more…)