Come hear one-armed, drunken porn stars with cankles tell of abucting babies and peeling off on their giant getaway vibrators! No wonder everyone’s all edgy.

So funny you'll get preggo.

If you’re finding the weekend before this V-day a little stressful to plan, you might consider the fertile land of Hank’s Saloon for the free and awesome Let’s Get Pregnant With Comedy monthly show this Sunday. Bring your significant other, someone you’re looking to impress, or show up stag with the hopes of pulling the goalie for some lucky bystander, all to the romantic soundtrack of poop and fart jokes! The night will feature Malcom Wilford, Julia Stratmann, Jessica Darakjian, Daryl Ellerbe, Carlen Altman and yours truly. Also on tap is a special screening of Brokelyn’s hit video Brokelandia, which is way better to watch outside of a cubicle, and without headphones plugged into your computer. And for those of you looking to impress your current/sitting-at-the-bar-now-but-definitely-future sweetheart, you can compete for a $20 tab by telling your own joke on stage. That’ll buy a whole bunch of couple-tinis (I think that’s a PBR and a shot of Jack at Hank’s).

8pm Sunday, Hank’s Saloon, 46 Third Ave., Boerum Hill.

We know you guys have strong feelings about supermarket coffee, wifi bars and eyebrow waxings. Now you can put those opinions to work for fun and prizes. Brokelyn is partnering with Zagat and Google New York to offer three ace reviewers spa packages to Tres Belle Petite Medi-Spa in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn. And we’re not talking just a lash tint here: the prizes are worth $500, $1000 and $1,500 in goods and services.

How do you get your zen on? Vote in Zagat’s New York City Shopping Survey by rating and reviewing the retail and gourmet food shops you’ve visited in the past year. By completing the survey, you’ll also be eligible to receive a free copy of the New York City Shopping Survey or New York City Food Lover’s Guide when they are published later this year. To enter: (more…)

Motherlovers reunite in front of the Brooklyn Detention Center.

Need a free date idea that borders on macabre this weekend? Don’t pass up the opportunity to tour Brooklyn’s own house of detention free of admission before its grand reopening in early February. The towering, 759- bed gray building in Boerum Hill was constructed on Atlantic Avenue in 1957 as a jail for men, but was shuttered in 2003 due to budget cuts. If you’re curious about the history of the institution (or just want to get the words “penal system” into your date), Warden Walter Nin will be on hand to answer questions throughout the tour, which will include the cells, kitchen and medical clinic. We can’t guarantee a hint of romance — although it worked for Lonely Island’s Mother Lovers, who featured the jail in the opening shot of its video —  but we can guarantee that it will cost you less than dinner at Chef’s Table around the corner. (more…)

It’s been a while since I’ve shared a frugal food find here, and there’s a reason. Even The Brokavore doesn’t live by day-old bread alone, and a pesky need for shelter recently led me to become a first-time homeowner. Which means I’ve been spending a lot of time battling basement leaks and sucking on plaster dust instead of searching out dollar tacos.

Buy a home and like it or not, before long you’re going to find yourself darkening the automatic doors at Lowe’s or Home Depot. With one of each within a mile of my South Slope home, I’ve made many a grudging trip to both. And given my natural gift for parsimony (though gift is maybe not the word Mrs. Brokavore would use), having two competing big-box behemoths within easy reach led me to wonder: which is cheaper? (more…)

Good news, keepers of geriatric laptops, fax machines and cell phones — there’s going to be a permanent e-waste dropoff spot in Gowanus, thanks to the Lower East Side Ecology Center, those great people who have been doing roving events around Brooklyn.  You may have thought that the Gowanus was already an e-waste dropoff spot (dada ching!) but starting Jan. 31, you’ll be able to bring your unwanted electronics to a new warehouse at 469 President St. at Nevins, Mondays through Saturdays. Full hours here, and full list of recyclables here. There’s also a launch par-tay at the warehouse on Sat. Feb. 4 from noon to 4 where you can enjoy refreshments while finding what becomes of your orphaned Razr phone and 56K modems.

When you hear the title “Get Pregnant With Comedy,” it either means two things: 1) the comedy is so good it will create life in your under regions, even if you’re a dude (which can lead to instance of live sandwich birth, according to one Brooklyn OBGYN; or 2) you’ll be having such fun at this free dive bar comedy night, you’ll make Totally Awesome Decisions that involve shots of Rumple Minze and finally using those novelty Sarah Palin condoms you got three years ago. Either way, totally fun, right?  Tonight at flame-kissed Hank’s Saloon on Atlantic Ave., check out a free night of comedy featuring Gabe Delahye of Videogum, Daryl Ellerbe, Julia Stratmann, Shakir & Malcom, Jessica Darakjian and our own Sue Smith! And if you fancy yourself a cat with LOLs, you get a chance to tell your own joke on stage — the winner gets a $20 bar tab!

Get Pregnant With Comedy, 8pm tonight, Hank’s Saloon, Atlantic and Third avenues.

The post's author drinking with Ames. The boredom was worth it.

We’re still in mourning for Bored to Death after HBO announced it canceled the show yesterday. What better way to drown our sorrows than with a drink with the show’s creator, Jonathan Ames? Gothamist tells us Ames will be joined by BTD regular (and neighborhood fixture) John Hodgman at the Brooklyn Inn tonight around 10pm to celebrate three seasons of Brooklyn debauchery. Ames claims he’s buying a round for everyone, and we at Brokelyn have never been known to pass up a free drink. Just don’t punch Kevin Bacon in the mouth.

Tattoo with a side of potatoes.

Thanksgiving means bus rides to Jersey, arguing with your veggie friends over that dead bird in the oven and awkward family convos where your grandmother tells you she’s “mostly OK with the gays now.” Why not have something new to debate this year: a tattoo! Sara Antoinette Martin of Brooklyn Tattoo on Smith Street is offering $40 tattoos from the flash sheet from today through mid-December. That “AMNESTY’ one will make your veggie friends happy, at least. (more…)

One of prop lots up for grabs Nov. 3.

We know you stalk those pink filming notices they post all over hoping to catch a glimpse of Mariska, Chuck Bass or Jonathan Ames (sorry, 2 Broke Girls is filmed in Los Angeles). Now, you might actually be able to own a prop used on one of their sets! If you’re interested in cool things like bar stools, tables, couches and random background decorations at super low prices, all benefiting a good cause, check out the Krrb and Film Biz Recycling event Lights, Camera, Auction on Nov. 3. Entry is $10, but once inside, the treasure trove of New York film and TV show sets is yours to ogle while eating $1 Oaxaca tacos, drinking free Brooklyn Brewery beer and jamming to live music. (more…)