Even though by this point we’re all endearingly used to BuzzFeed’s particular style of writing, we still have some expectation of journalistic accuracy. Right? Among piles of “Facts you Learn in Your Twenties” and “Reasons These Animals are Winning,” yesterday the site dropped a “Definitive Ranking of NYC Subways.” At the bottom of the pile was our beloved C train, and at the top was the Q, which just this weekend decided to not have service at all between Brooklyn and Manhattan. So, we figured, we’d let some cats tell you what BuzzFeed got wrong about their subway rankings.
1. BuzzFeed says the C is “LITERALLY THE WORST TRAIN” and calls it a gross “prehistoric beast.”
We respectfully disagree.
Equivalent New York Experience: See above.
2. “Service-wise, the L train is definitely the new G Train.”
Last we checked, the L train still shows times of arrival on fancy digital screens, and also services an entire cross-town populace.
Equivalent New York Experience: Getting from the West Side of Manhattan to the East side in under ten minutes.
3. BuzzFeed ranks the Z train as one of the worst trains because it’s never actually there.
It sounds to us like this is just hating because the author hasn’t been chosen by the Z. Plus, doesn’t the fact that it’s so rare actually make it an incredibly bad-ass train?
Equivalent New York Experience: Being on a guest list at the final 285 Kent show.
4. The F train gets a low ranking because it “goes to every useless local stop.” Above, what residents of Gowanus/Chelsea have to say about that.
Equivalent New York Experience: Being so deliriously out-of-touch you say you won’t even visit friends in Brooklyn.
5. The 1 train “gets you from door to door.” Question: whose door?
Equivalent New York Experience: Ending up at a strange man’s house because you trusted the 1 train to take you door-to-door.
6. Calls the M “The F’s less-crowded little sister.”
In Manhattan, maybe. That’s because the M services a high volume of Brooklynites who stay in Brooklyn.
7. E trains may be “shiny and new,” but when they’re not the C train you’re waiting for, they are the devil incarnate.
Also, they don’t go to Brooklyn.
Equivalent New York Experience: A yellow taxi-cab that won’t take you home, because home is in BK.
8. The J train ranks higher than the M train.
The J train, once in Manhattan, takes you to straight to sad Broad Street and then spits you out.
9. “What the G train lacks in speed or flair, it makes up for in rustic charm.”
Apparently, the C train’s old-school status doesn’t qualify as “rustic charm,” nor does the F, which runs the same hip “Kentile Floors” route as the G. The writer also cites a single instance of an MTA conductor yelling at a passenger as a sign that the G is “Bad. Ass.”
Equivalent New York Experience: Getting told by an MTA official that “it’s not their problem” your Metrocard shows “just used.” You’ll just have to wait… and miss 3 trains.
10. The 3 train’s Equivalent New York Experience according to BuzzFeed is: “Ordering Seamless on the way home so it’s waiting for you when you arrive.”
Equivalent New York Experience: Making enough money to order dinner off Seamless as regularly as you ride the subway.
11. The 2nd-best train is the 7, because “it has a cool green sign that tells you via SHAPES if it’s local or express.”
This is just pitiful. Beyond the fact that the train is miserable and crowded in Queens, IF IT’S EVEN RUNNING, it only serves the most tourist-swarmed spots in Manhattan (Times Sq/Grand Central) once it gets there.
Equivalent New York Experience: Christmas Eve Day shopping at Macy’s in Herald Square.
Our personal rankings will always be biased based on where we live, work and socialize, there’s no reason to get “definitive” about it. So in that spirit: what’s your definitive subway line ranking?